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Chapter 1.1 Awakening after death
I'm thrown violently onto the asphalt. I hit my left side hard, my elbows burn with pain — there will be abrasions...
Er?!
Does it hurt? It hurts me!!! That means I'm alive!!! Heaven and the dungeons, I'm alive!!! Nothing hurts the dead!
Everything is swimming in front of my eyes, there is a ringing in my ears — it must have hit me hard, and, apparently, it was my head that suffered the most. Hot... But in a different way, or what? Hmm, it's strange, but it seems to me that... It feels like something is burning somewhere very close by — has the Gazelle gone off?..
I wake up a little, rub my eyes, shake my head (oh, I shouldn't have done that!), look around...
Giant high-rise buildings that gradually partially sank underground, hiding under boxes of concrete. And some of them stayed in their places, only they had huge guns.
Stop.
What the fuck?
WHERE AM I?!
The familiar panorama of an ordinary Russian city has disappeared, and it has been replaced by something futuristic and unreal. There were skyscrapers and high-rise buildings of unusual design all around, and smooth and good asphalt, which has long been listed in the Red Book in Russia, was underfoot (and ass at the same time)...
What am I talking about? That's not the main thing!!!
A real cannonade could be heard all around.
I've never been to a war, or even just to a shooting range, but I've seen enough action movies and documentaries to understand what's going on. Over a city unknown to me (eh?!) missiles traced their tracks, and combat helicopters flew by at low altitude (the brain turned on weapons identified them as American "Cobras", with a slight interspersing of our Mi-24 and legendary Ka-50 "black sharks"). From the underwing pylons of the helicopters, air-to-ground missiles and NURSES were torn down (approx. unguided rockets), automatic cannons rattled... Judging by the distant rumble, there were also combat aircraft somewhere at altitude; artillery was thundering steadily in the distance.
The fucking war...
Hey, wait, who's fighting with whom? I turned my head, and I was just stunned.
...Have you ever been hit on the head? Or was it doused with ice water? Well, at the very least, just unexpectedly scared? Yeah, so there was a case... Well, it's happened to me too.
So, I'm stating it responsibly — it's all just nonsense compared to what I've experienced. No, not only have I been hit on the head several times lately, which is why my mind hasn't started working better, but now it's also a direct blow to the psyche, right, fuck?..
...Frozen, as if under the gaze of a fabulous basilisk, I stared at IT with all my eyes.
A hefty car, taller than a stupid car building. In some ways it resembles a caricature copy of a human being.
Two arms, two legs, a bastard in the middle... I'm sorry, but I can't call this stuff anything else — a torso that looks like an inverted triangle, a ridiculously shaped head sticking out of the chest and most of all resembling a bird's skull. Ribs protruding from the body, several pairs of what looked like gill slits on the sides, all kinds of spikes... It's disgusting... The coloring is again dark green, like some kind of toad, but an extremely dirty shade, and in the middle of the body there is also some kind of red ball...
Fuck.
FUCK!
I remembered where I had seen it before.
No, not lying in a mental hospital. And not after using narcotic drugs. And not in a state of delirium tremens. Oh no, I've seen it in a completely different place...
I saw it in the anime "Evangelion". The first episode, "Attack of the Angel" is called.
...Calmness immediately came over me.
It just can't be, because it can never be. I'm dreaming, or I'm just delusional. Or maybe I'm still "stoned"? Or does an ambulance arrive at the scene of an accident and take me to the hospital, and on the way the kind orderlies throw some kind of filth at me?..
It's all just my imagination... it seems... it seems...
Damn, how real it seems! ...Without getting to my feet, I quickly crawled away from the source of the heat — the helicopter burning on the ground. I wonder what it is? Oh, yes, that's a stupid question — an angel from a beamer put it in his hand... I awkwardly tried to get up, but immediately grimaced from the pain — I hit the side of the mother earth hard after all. I wonder if I have any more injuries?
I quickly examined myself to freeze in a stupor from what I saw.
IT WASN'T ME.
Okay, the black trousers are just like mine, and my white shirt is the same... lying around somewhere. It doesn't matter that I almost never wear such clothes, it doesn't matter...
But why the fuck do I look like a teenager?! Where are my twenty-two years? On Bolshoy Karetny?!
I started laughing nervously. Great job. I didn't just end up in this brain-dead anime, but also, most likely, ended up in the body of the main character named Ikari Shinji. Better known as a pathological whiner, a wimp and a horseman of the Apocalypse all rolled into one.
That's what happened... I wish I'd been his dad, by God-I've always liked him better as a character, even though he's kind of a villain.
And this one, if I may say so, is the main character... Just a quiet horror! No, where did they see such a neurotic Japanese guy? They're as impenetrable and calm as a tank armor — and here, on you!
Not authentic, however...
...Meanwhile, the Angel emerged from a small valley between the hills and began to move slowly but inexorably towards the city, as expected without suffering any damage.
Naturally, he is also protected by the AT-field.
The rockets and shells only sank powerlessly in the faint golden glow surrounding the monster. He raised his claw hand and took aim...
Discharge! And one of the "Cobras" falls to pieces.
Most of all, it looked like a movie laser shot, or some other kind of radiation crap. But how is that even possible? A laser or some other particle stream shouldn't be visible, though... Maybe there is some other principle underlying the work of the Angelic Beamer? Well, or is it just some kind of concomitant phenomena, such as the ionization of air molecules?
...Oh, what kind of ionized molecules and beamers?! God, when will he let me go!.. Suddenly, I felt sad and creepy, because I had never had such realistic dreams. And I didn't have any glitches from the dope I tried once...
"What if it's all real?"
"Maybe this is the one I begged for Another Chance?"
I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched my ear, driving away the delusional thought.
Ah, the infection! It hurts!..
..I rubbed my damaged auditory organ. Did you want to live, you idiot? So now live in a psychedelic cartoon, on the eve of the Apocalypse and surrounded by complex schizophrenics!!! No, why do normal people end up in places like the Great Patriotic War, where even dying is the greatest thing, and I failed here?
...Suddenly, a golden glow intensified around the Angel (I don't remember what they call him here). He took off into the air easily enough (to the height of a five-story building, no less!), and after flying several hundred meters, landed right next to me.
A monstrous dirty-green foot dripping with mucus landed directly on the remains of the downed helicopter, crushing it into the ground. Four huge black claws left long furrows in the asphalt, and at that moment, apparently, the unexploded Cobra missiles detonated. An explosion broke out, and I was thrown to the side, painfully dragging along the asphalt. I involuntarily squeezed my eyes shut, and tried to somehow soften the forced flight at an extremely low altitude.
...No, into the abyss of such glitches and dreams! At least the shards didn't hit, damn it!
Suddenly, there was a sharp screech of brakes, and a shadow covered me.
"Ikari Shinji?" Above the cacophony of the battle, I heard a melodious female voice. "I'm coming for you!"
I slowly opened my eyes, already knowing what I was about to see.
A blue sports car, the door open, and a pretty black-haired girl in a short dark brown dress and sunglasses is driving.
Forgive him, Misato Katsuragi!..
"Come on, get in the car!"
Without really thinking about whether it was a dream or not, I quickly jumped to my feet and dove like a fish into the car, right through the driver's seat with Misato sitting on it. Somehow he crawled into the front seat, pulled up his legs, which were almost hit by a sharply slammed door...
Hold on! Katsuragi shouted, abruptly turning into reverse. It was only by a miracle that I managed to fasten my seat belt.
An angel (such a creature) was standing literally two steps away from us. But helicopter pilots (such creatures!) They didn't give a damn about it and continued firing guns and rockets at him.
This alien freak doesn't give a shit, but by the way, it can cover us with fragments! It was as if someone had hammered on the roof of the car with a sledgehammer — I had a panicked thought "they are the fragments!", but then, thank God, we got out of the danger zone. And right in front of us, Angel's legs were breaking and crumbling the asphalt.
Damn, but we were just there...
It's not pleasant to die twice in the morning... No, I'd rather live longer, even if it's in a cartoon.
By the way, IT didn't look like a cartoon right now — everything was extremely natural. Neither give nor take is a reality.
...With a sharp jerk, the car bounced on the bump of the speed bump. I slammed my head into the low roof and hissed in pain.
Very realistic, damn it...
Captain's car (is that what her rank is?) She turned around, and we raced away from the battlefield. Probably even a stone was burning and melting there now — barrel and rocket artillery, rockets and bombs of various types and calibers were hitting the biorobot at once... This amount of deadly explosive gear would probably be enough to smash a small city to dust...
But that thing doesn't care.
...When we were already a good distance away, Misato suddenly stopped, took out a heavy brick-shaped pair of binoculars from under the seat, and leaned on me, leaning out the window with it. It wasn't exactly pleasant... Although there were also positive aspects here... About the third size, at least...
"It can't be!.." Misato exclaimed.
I turned around and also looked at what had attracted her attention. It turned out that they were just helicopters flying away from the Angel... Flying away?.. Flying away!!!
Do they really want to detonate the N2 bomb?!
A flash on the left, a distant rumble...
"Get down!"
I was unceremoniously pushed to the floor of the car and pressed with my whole body.
A moment later, a shock wave struck.
The car was picked up and carried like a piece of fluff. I had the complete feeling that I was a sock and stuck in the drum of a washing machine — we were shaking and turning over so much. But it probably doesn't hurt so much for socks to bang their heads against all sorts of objects...
...I think I lost consciousness for a while, and I woke up to the fact that I was being gently shaken by the shoulders.
"Are you okay?"
What a wonderful question — I immediately start feeling like the hero of a cheap Hollywood action movie. Interestingly, the concept of "order" includes the numerous scratches and abrasions with which I was quite densely covered after all these felting and rolling on the ground?..
It could have been better...
I croaked indistinctly, amazed at the strange voice coming out of me. Damn, my head started to ache again, but it just seemed to have passed... Nasty bombs!
The girl laughed.
"That means it'll do. Let's get out of this tin can."
The car was on its side, so it wasn't that easy to do it... Okay, it doesn't matter.
They got out. I quickly looked around and whistled softly at what I saw.
However!..
We must have drifted about thirty meters away from the road, and the car was now lying near several huge craters from the explosions.
Thank God we didn't reach them by just five meters, otherwise it would have been really bad...
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