Prologue
Hi. My name is Ichigo Kurosaki, and two days ago, I become a soul reaper. Who soul reaper is? Oh, come on, if you are reading my diary you must know all these shit about shinigami and hollows. Therefore, I will skip it.
No, seriously, if you really don"t know about them — why you still reading? Drop this old book and go to... I do not know who you are, but you know what I mean. That is not a joke, do not read it if you not a part of our world.
Oh, god, let"s pretend that I warned you and finish with it. I mean, I do not care about you. If you will start telling about my book to everyone, people will just locked you in the hospital. Alternatively, will come dude from third squad and erase your memory. In fact, he can rape you before, if you are a girl.
Where I finish? All right, prologue... Well, it is the end. In the next two hundred pages, you would read beautiful story about soul society (assholes), hollows, which want to destroy it (animals and crazy dudes) and me, the best and absolutely unique men — Ichigo Kurosaki.
And if you think now, that it is stupid name... Yes, it is. However, shut the fuck up and finally start read!
P.S. I am NOT strawberry. Remember it. Always.
Chapter 1
— Why the hell it is so sunny at seven a.m.? — It was my first thought when I finally got up. However, not last, fortunately.
In this moment I finally understand, that I made couple of mistakes. First, it is not seven o'clock it is fuckin evening. Second, it is not my room. Third, it is not my body. I mean, I always had...
Stop. What ta hell is going on? I am Ichigo Kurosaki, high-school student, this is my home, today is Sunday, and I do not need to get up at seven o`clock... What wrong with me? I really need to go to shower. Cold water will help. Will...
Nope. It is just useless water. It only makes everything worse — now I can see myself in mirror, and it is cause of strange feelings.
It is my face — and not mine. My body — and not mine. At the same time. Sheet. Am I crazy? I mean all those identity disorders...
And anyway, way makes this body — mine? What makes any body unique?
If I will cut hands and legs, gouge out eyes, shave head, make it absolutely different... Would it steel be body of Kurosaki Ichigo?
I do not know. However, I am who I am, and it is enough. Right?
AGH! Of course, it is not enough. However, I do not want to think about it. Em. Wait.
— Who are you and what are you doing in my house? — Pretty girl of my age in black kimono did not even paid attention to my phrase.
— Em... You aren't creature of my imagination, right? — I not really sure in that, actually.
— I am. — She did not smile. Perfect.
— Well... — I did not what to say. Girl brake into my hose in traditional clothes, with blade, said that she is my imagination... In addition, I believe her.
What happened with my life?
— Riatsu of hollow. Strong. Near, I can feel it. — she... sniffed around? — Stay here.
I heard animal scream. Really loud animal scream.
— Ichigo! — Alright, that is just Karin.
Wait. KARIN? Why the hell is she screaming like this?
— Help! — well, I don't have any chose...
Girl was not hear already. In different situation I would do that she ordered me to do — she have a blade, after all, but now my sis asking about help, so...
Picture, that I saw in a couple of second was quite disappointing.
— I really became mad, right? — I ask myself. I have right for this.
Don't judge me, listen first! I see big monster with a hole in the middle of the chest. It is fighting with this kimono girl. I have only one question.
Where are fuckin tentacles? I mean, if it is dreams of my brain, it should be hentai. I am teenager, after all. Not fighting. Not adventure. Not even eroge. Hentai.
But it feels so realistic... In addition, scary. This piece of hollow shit already make some additional wholes in kimono girl and threw her into me. Great.
I caught her, succefully. It not really helpful, but I tried.
— You need a power to protect your sister, I will give them. — she can speak? Oh, that's good.
— And what I suppose to do? — she smiled and raised the sword. What?
— Stand still! — hey, she want to kill me or...
I didn't finished thought — mad bitch already pierce me with her sword. Such stupid death...
E? I still breathing?
In addition, I not only breathing — I have power. God, it sounds so stupid.
— You motherfucker, come on you little ass... fuck with me, eh? — I wanted to say this for years.
I have blade, I have magic... I am strong! I am wise! I am Pola... Wrong line, sorry.
Seriously, it is kind of drugs — I feel better than ever before.
One hit with beautiful white blade — and monster, which became unbelievable slow cut into two parts.
In this moment fairy tale finished, and started reality.
Strong pain suddenly appeared in my body, and in next second passed off.
Reality, I hate you.
— —
That's was a dream.
In reality this place cannot exist — snowy dale in the mountains. Everything looks silver in the moonlight.
However, event landscape pales near young woman in the middle of the land. She wear white and pink traditional kimono, and dance under moon light.
She is snow. She is moon. She is owner of this world — I can see it in every movement.
If fairy could exist, they would look like her.
Well, enough of this romantic trash, it is not Tsukihime, after all.
First, what de hall I am doing here? Second, why I not freezing in snow? And last but not least, where my clothes?
— Who are you and what are you doing in my world? — I have a fuckin de-javu.
— No ideas, seriously. It is ok, that I am naked? — If she is ice fairy, in what I can easy believe after yesterday, I cannot show her anything that she did not see before.
— Never mind. So, what can I do for you? — You, little pervert, forget all your dirty thoughts and...
— Well... May I ask your name? — She smiled without fun. If she would be little bit less cold I would said that it is mockery.
— ... . — Her lips moved, but I did not hear anything.
— I am sorry, my lady, but... — she laughed.
— Dude, I am not your lady. And you can't hear my name, because you are too weak. — well, I expected something like that.
And about what I should speak with this ice queen?
— Cool weather... — oh, that was awesome, Ichigo. That why you still don't have a girlfriend.
— I hope so. — Alright, it is her world. — And time is up.
— Wha..? — in the middle of question I woke up. Shit.
— What is your name again? — I and this kimono-girl are seating and drinking tea in the kitchen. Karen was clever girl and found that she has important business.
— Rukia Kuchiki. And you... Strawberry? — oh, god!
— Very, Very funny, Rukia. You is souls reaper, I got it. You lost your strength and now want to recruit me. However, I do not really care about that... — she looks quiet smart, so maybe she would understand by herself
— One thousand dollars per week of work. — Good girl.
— Which dollars? — Better to ask before work. Zimbabwean dollar is such a funny thing.
— American, of course. Or there are other kinds of money in human world? — Well, it is not what I expected, but...
— It is really nice to work with you, Kuchiki-san. — She is my employer, after all.
— Shut up and eat. I am Rukia, not Kuchiki-san. That is my brother name. — one more minute in her company, and I will fell in love. Best employer ever — don't know neither cost system, nor money system at all. However, I have some doubts that her brother would be so... Thoughtless.
— Let`s make a deal? — I don't have any ideas about how contract in their world work, but I don't really care — it still be question of trust and honor. If he would want to forget about payment, I anyway will can`t do anything. But after contract Rukia would feel obligation to pay, and probably would not kill me after her power restore. Fucken parahumans, always hated them. Ha? About which parahumans did I think?
— Oh, for the god sake! — she touched paper and put imprint. — Write here what you want, trace of my reatsu is better than any signature.
— What I want? Don't you afraid that... — she interrupted me.
— Don't be a dick, Ichigo. I am spirit — what do you think, how hard would be for me to rub the Fort Knox? — oh shit... I never thought about it before.
— You win. Let's go rub a bank? — I am spirit to now, so it would be stupid lose opportunity like this.
— Are you serious? — her eyes became much bigger.
— Of course. I always serious in money questions. — she fall silent for a couple of minutes and then smiled. Little bit mad smiled.
— I am in. Today will kill all hollows, and at night will go have fun. — what a strange girl. For me it is crime, for her — fun. I like it.
— —
Why you wear clothes like gangster from silly Hollywood thrillers? — When we meet at evening, Rukia was in standard gangster suit. God, she even had gun in hands.
— Why not? — Em. Seriously. Why not?
— Point taken. However, where did you take these clothes? — and gun, it is the most important.
— I created it from my reatsu. Like kimono yestarday. All shinigami can do it. — wait. It mean that..
— And socks to? — please, reality, I begging you.
— Yep. Socks to. — I am in heaven. No more fuckin only-one-sock.
— By the way, if you from city of dead how could you know about all of this Hollywood shit? — I don't want to believe that even after death I can't run away from advertisements and MacDonald's.
— Well... You know, only those people, who died in Japan, could come to Rukongai after death. If they do not sins on them, of course. — I have vague doubts...
— Which sins exactly? — Hey, it is question of my afterlife.
— Money debts. — Shit! I knew, I knew that! — Nobody like those who do not pay their debts.
And even after death my creditor will come to me...
— Ok. But what about Americans? — Rukia sighed.
— After Second World War lots of them came to Rukongai. — She fall silent.
— And... — it is interesting.
— And those bustards bought Seiretai! All films, all music, all food... French rise, Big-Mack, sandwiches, Starbucks coffee... I already forgot how rice look like! — Oh. That is not what I expected.
— There is no god but Capitalism and Adam Smith is the messenger of it.
— Yep. And it sad, you know. — it is. But It is doesn't matter.
I tried to create clothes from my energy, and you know — I did it! Now, the most important part of all... Yes! I have fedora hat.
— Suck it, Fortuna! — ops. What the hell am I saying?
After all of these frightening and disappointing discovering's we went to bank. In fact, it was quiet disappointing. I mean, we just came in, took all money, and went out.
Rukia did not even shoot anyone. That is boring. Too boring for robing bunk. In films everything much cooler.
— Stop! I, Ishida Uryuu, hand of light, savior and protector of the week and the infirm, don't let you took all those money! Here are pension and other money of poor people! — dude with light bow staid in front of the bank and aims at us.
I put hand on Rukias gun — he could be useful.
— Here are one million of American dollars. — I smiled. It really a lot. And god, I like that feeling.
— As I said, I don't let you... — oh, seriously?
— Third part of money for you. — His look changed, and he turned off his bow.
— So what are we waiting for? I know good place where nobody will see us. — I love you, capitalism. Hero work is so underpaid...
'Secret place' was a playground.
— Are you kidding us? — I took my blade out. Good place to kill him, after all.
— No way. Here are no children at this time... Well, no normal children. — Oh, I got it
— Normal? — Rukia not.
— Beggars, pickpockets, those who older — burglars. — Best district of city.
— No drug dealers? — is she disappointed?
— Son of main Karakura drug dealer standing in front of you. By the way, how is Ryuken-san? — ye, had of main city hospital controls all drugs traffic in region. Respectable business, respectable man.
— Good, thanks for question. You want to buy something? — This is question for Rukia.
— No. Not now, actually. So, what would we do with money? — well, I don't really care. Now I can do same with all banks in the country, so million — not so large amount of dollars.
— Divide to three parts, of course. In fact, I want to ask you about small favor. — oh, I know this look.
— And this is... — his eyes burned in fanaticism.
— I need three hundred and fifty thousand. — Well, all difference in twenty thousands, not so much, but...
— For what? — He smiled.
— Orihime want new car. — Shit! I will never understand him.
— Stop! I do not want to hear it anymore. You can take your extra money, but please, shut the fuck up! — when he start speak about this red-haired bitch, it can last for hours.
— Or I will shoot you. — Thanks for help, Rukia.
After that, we went home. Business for today is finished.
Well, in two days I become spirit, rob bank and earned thousands of dollars. I should celebrate it.
— Rukia, how about... — she disturbed me.
— Later. I bought extra soul for you. — What?
— Em, are you sure that you shinigami? I mean, usually demons... — she sighed.
— Not in this sense. I am not a Mephistopheles, you not a Faust. It is artificial soul — it would control your body when you stay in spirit form. — Great, they already created Artificial Intelligence.
— Thanks for that. How much did it cost? — If to go to heaven in afterlife I must not have any debts...
— One favor in one day. — Well, not so bad. However, I would prefer something more specific.
— Ok. So, how I supposed to use it? — She gave me a pill. No, I am not stupid, but better ask before.
— Swallow it. — I did what she said, and went out of body.
— Hi! I am Kubei, artificial soul 1+. Let's make a contract? — Oh, shit. I definitely already heard it somewhere.
— What can you offer? — Contract is good thing anyway.
— Name of your zanpacuto, at least. — e?
— Who is zanpacuto and why I should be interested in his name? — it sound like something important.
— You don't know? Well, I can sell information about zanpacuto. — Piece of... Rukia hit my body in jaw by sword hilt, to make it lose consciousness. Hei!
— Don't even think about it! Your soul is mi... — oh, shit! — 'Is' what? — I became property in her mind. Great.
— Never mind. If you want to know something about zanpakuto, ask me. — Don't want even think about how much it would cost me in one day...
— Well. What is zanpacuto? — I stared at her eyes.
— Magic sword. Every shinigami have one. — Seriously?
— And what is so specific in it? — Usual piece of metal won't have a name, I think.
— Do you trust me? — She put her hands on my shoulders.
— Nope. — I know her for two days, and I do not trust even to myself.
— Fare. Anyway, this information would be useless for you. Zanpacuto — part of shinigami soul, which become blade and give special abilities. — Hm. She right, it is useless.
— And your power is... — it is still interesting.
— Ice. — I can believe in it.
— Ok. So can I use it? I mean, you lend me all your powers... — she stared at me.
— Do you understand, that asking me about using part of my soul? — She sigh and smiled. — You can. I let you.
— Em... Seriously? — Her smile is too soft.
— OF COURSE NOT, IDIOT!
— Ok, ok, you don't need to shout. — I didn`t really hope that she would agree. — But anyway, when your power would recover?
— I... Don't know. Month, probably. Maybe two. — to big difference between dates.
— What`s the problem? — she looked in floor.
— They don't recover. In fact, I became even weaker than two days before. — Oh...
— And what can we do with it? — she saved my sister and me, after all. And I took her powers. Who know, what happened with them if she would die.
— I. Don't. Know! — she sighed. — Sorry. I know one merchant in this city, maybe he can help.
— So let's go. — her eyes became bigger again.
— It is three a.m. now. — For the god sake!
— I am sure that he would get up for good customers. Is he take money? — maybe he is spirit...
— Sure. He is human, and he take dollars. Or pretend, at least. — wait.
— You bought soul plus from him, right? — she nodded.
So, we are going to the seller of souls. Great.
Shop was open when we came.
— Come in, Kurosaki-kun, Kuchiki-san, don't stay in the street. — Strange blond man in traditional green closes widely smiled. Why everybody who contact with spirits dress so old-fashioned?
— Hello, Urahara-san. May you help me with my problem? — So, he has already knew about it?
— I think so. I can't restore your powers immediately, bur can sell you gigai, in which your soul would be protected and could restore by itself.
— And how much it would cost? — He smiled even wider.
— One favor. Later. — Shit. They fundamentally don't take money or instantaneous payment?
— Ok. — I hate being indebted. — But Rukia, from now on we are quits.
— Faire. — she shrugged her shoulders. — I am appreciated for help.
— It would took some time — I need to customize gigai under Kuchiki-san. — I think, it is gentle way to get me out of here.
— Farewell, Urahara-san. See you later, Rukia.
I close the door. Clock showed four a.m. Well, it is time to go home and have some sleep.
— —
— So... Who are you? — Yes, I woke up in snowed dole. Again.
— Is it important? — She smiled. And, of course, without fun. Shit, I feel myself like idiot in her company.
— No. However, how I supposed to call you? — She don't like 'lady', and I can't hear her name...
— Mistress. — Why the hell we are speaking in English here? I can`t understand, she mean teacher or owner?
— Ok, mistress. What can I do for you? — This is her world, after all. Politeness and maybe I will survive. She is better than Cthulhu, anyway.
— Nothing. Now, at least. Nevertheless, I can teach you, if you want. — Such pretty teacher free? Well, I starting enjoy my new life.
— Thank you, I accept your offer. — Near my legs fall down white blade. Oh, shit.
— Try to survive for thirty minutes. Time is start. — Snow near my legs became ice spear, and I jumped away. Nevertheless, it pierced my left hand. What is much worse, it was fuckin forest of spears, which flew at me from everywhere.
I am in hell, right?
Bent down, now hide near trees, and hope that that she would not use massive snow attack.
— Run, run for your life! — Fifty meters ice wave beat forest, destroying everything, what can work like defense. Crazy bitch!
In addition, I lost my sword. I do not know how to use it anyway, but...
I hid in a small cave in the nearest mountain. Well, not a real cave — small cleft,
I don't know, huw much time left, but hope that she would not find me here.
— First lesson. If you not sure, that your reatsu is hidden — do not try to hide. — She can teleport. Great.
Ice fairy took create blade and stopped.
— Well, time is out. — Fuh. I nearly got heard attack, when saw her with this ice blade in hands near me.
— I thought that you would teach me fencing... — she disturb me.
— Don't think. Shinigami will not fence with you — he will use magic. Moreover, you will die, if you hope that everything would be fair. — she right. Shit.
— And what I suppose to do when I meet someone who can destroy forest in one hit? — she smiled.
— Give up. Alternatively, run away, if you think that he will not care about you. — Great. Such a wise advice...
— Maybe you know any other options? — Hey, undefeatable enemy do not exist.
— Die. — Laconic. — And time is up. Have a nice day.
I woke up. Well, it was no so bad, as I afraid.
