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Dead Tired
by RavensDagger
In which a lich is tired of all the crap going on.
Original source: https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/894343
Chapters: 142
Words: 99169
Exported with the assistance of FicHub.net
Index
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two — A Butler a Day
Chapter Three — A View of the Future
Chapter Four — A Hint of Civilisation
Chapter Five — A Novel Idea
Chapter Six — A Limpet and Books
Chapter Seven — A Picture of the Wider World
Chapter Eight — A Failure of Guest Rights
Chapter Nine — A Mediocre Battle
Chapter Ten — A Small Skirmish
Chapter Eleven — A Test Subject
Chapter Twelve — A Need to Experiment
Chapter Thirteen — A Chilling Touch
Chapter Fourteen — A Reason to Go
Chapter Fifteen — A Desperate Motion
Chapter Sixteen — A Good Showing
Chapter Seventeen — A Thoughtful Trip
Chapter Eighteen — A Charming Entrance
Chapter Nineteen — A Mission
Chapter Twenty — A Limpet’s Point of View
Chapter Twenty-One — A Maid's Uneventful Shopping Trip
Chapter Twenty-Two — A Matter of Economics and Sacrifice
Chapter Twenty-Three — A Godly Chat
Chapter Twenty-Four — A Time to Go
Chapter Twenty-Five — A Lesson in Schooling
Chapter Twenty-Six — A Knock at the Door
Chapter Twenty-Seven — A Difficult Question
Chapter Twenty-Eight — A Lesson in Humility
Chapter Twenty-Nine — A Bong
Chapter Thirty — A Talk and a Walk
Chapter Thirty-One — A Dead City
Chapter Thirty-Two — A Rocky Start
Chapter Thirty-Three — A Party
Chapter Thirty-Four — A Dramatic Run
Chapter Thirty-Five — A Wine-ing Proposition
Chapter Thirty-Six — A Leaf of Faith
Chapter Thirty-Seven — A Real Tool
Chapter Thirty-Eight — A Deeper Dive
Chapter Thirty-Nine — A Boss Fight
Chapter Forty — A Final Farewell
Epilogue
Prologue
Chapter One — Rem’s Revenge
Chapter Two — Shelf-ish Shopping
Chapter Three — Bath Battle
Chapter Four — Clean Clothes
Chapter Five — Belligerent Butlering
Chapter Six — Sparring Stupidity
Chapter Seven — Savouring Strength
Maps and Information
Chapter Eight — Barbarian Buddies
Chapter Nine — Mantis Maid
Chapter Ten — Learning Limpet
Chapter Eleven — General Grievances
Chapter Twelve — Underwater Undead
Chapter Thirteen — Colourful Creatures
Chapter Fourteen — Boney Battalion
Chapter Fifteen — Family Friendly
Chapter Sixteen — Creeping Calamity
Chapter Seventeen — Mem Mumbles
Chapter Eighteen — Cowardly Critter
Chapter Nineteen — Tactical Terror
Chapter Twenty — Introduction Interrogation
Chapter Twenty-One — Memorable Mem
Chapter Twenty-Two — Novel Necromancy
Chapter Twenty-Three — Fossil Fortress
Chapter Twenty-Four — Dog Days
The Travels of a Desperate Undead
Chapter Twenty-Five — Malevolent Monologue
Chapter Twenty-Six — Analyzing Armies
Chapter Twenty-Seven — Desperate Deaths
Chapter Twenty-Eight — Glorious Goals
Chapter Twenty-Nine — Intriguing Interrogation
Chapter Thirty — Frantic Faces
Chapter Thirty-One — Peaceful Protest
Chapter Thirty-Two — Throneroom Talk
Chapter Thirty-Three — Plotted Plans
Chapter Thirty-Four — Administrating Administrator
Chapter Thirty-Five — Swamp Stench
Chapter Thirty-Six — Needy Negotiations
Chapter Thirty-Seven — Severing Siege
Chapter Thirty-Eight — Enthralling Entrance
Chapter Thirty-Nine — Nice Nice
Chapter Forty — Cinder Crashes
Chapter Forty-One — Eldritch Enthusiasts
Chapter Forty-Two — Captain Command
Chapter Forty-Three — Tense Toxins
Prologue
Chapter One — Welcome to Shitake City
Chapter Two — Paperwork Pleasures
Chapter Three — Ashfall Ashfall
Chapter Four — Chit Chatting
Chapter Five — Petting Puppies
Chapter Six — Elite Elders
Chapter Seven — Grave Grins
Chapter Eight — Murderous Mantises
Chapter Nine — Robbing Rob
Chapter Ten — Suitable Suite
Chapter Eleven — From the Observation Logs of Fenfang
Chapter Twelve — Dusty Dimension
Chapter Thirteen — Troublesome Time
Chapter Fourteen — Peculiar Path
Chapter Fifteen — Brilliant Banners
Chapter Sixteen — Ship Shape
Chapter Seventeen — Naval Novelties
Chapter Eighteen — Opinionated Options
Chapter Nineteen — Dwarven Door
Chapter Twenty — From the Observation Logs of Fenfang — Day 100
Chapter Twenty-One — Knock... Knock
Chapter Twenty-Two — Deep Dwarves
Chapter Twenty-Three — Shifty Sanders
Chapter Twenty-Four — Dwarven Dame
Chapter Twenty-Five — Nearing Nest
Chapter Twenty-Six — Mantis Man
Chapter Twenty-Seven — Mother of Many
Chapter Twenty-Eight — Conjuration Conundrum
Chapter Twenty-Nine — Kai Wen’s Very Not Good Afternoon
Chapter Thirty — Quaint Queen
Chapter Thirty-One — From the Observation Logs of Fenfang — Day 101
Chapter Thirty-Two — Dull Defeat
Chapter Thirty-Three — Frosty Friends
Chapter Thirty-Four — Motherly Mem
Chapter Thirty-Five — Matronly Maid
Chapter Thirty-Six — Ideological Idiocy
Chapter Thirty-Seven — Officious Officers
Chapter Thirty-Eight — Eager Empress
Officer Corpse — Serpen Tine
Officer Corpse — Fret Ful
Officer Corpse — Wrapture
Officer Corpse — Rotney
Officer Corpse — Appari Shawn
Chapter Thirty-Nine — The Empress On the Wall
Chapter Forty — Ridgeside Roam
Chapter Forty-One — Open Opalhorn
Chapter Forty-Two — Ornery Oldies
Chapter Forty-Three — Terrific Troubleshooting
Chapter Forty-Four — Glorious Gank
Chapter Forty-Five — Cultivator's Collapse
Chapter Forty-Six — Masterful Moment
Epilogue
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Index
A young man stumbles into a deep, lost cavern, he seeks power and prestige, the ability to become someone, anyone, worthy of praise.
When he finds an ancient crypt festooned in jewels and precious things he thinks himself the luckiest man alive.
And then the lich in that crypt wakes up and kills him.
That's me. I'm the lich. Honestly, I just want to go back to sleep, and there's no one, no 'god emperor,' sect, or uptight martial artist that's going to stop me.
A story written for the 2020 Royal Road Writeathon!
The goal is to write a complete story in a little over a month. I'll be doing this live, on a publicly available GDocs, with people able to view it from an equally public Discord that you can join right over here: Join the Operation: LichBomb Discord Server!
Last edited: Nov 2, 2020
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Prologue
Prologue
I can still vividly remember the most disappointing day of my life. I was sixty, perhaps seventy years old. An accomplished wizard, a peerless researcher who had devoted his life to uncovering the darkest secrets of the arcane arts.
Nothing was beyond my reach, no subject was too complex-or too dark-for me to unravel.
The nations of the world and I had reached an agreement. They would leave me be, and in turn I would only teleport into their keeps and stashes of hidden lore every few years.
Information, I believe, is to be shared. Mostly with me.
I was... content. Happy. There's nothing like the discovery of something new, of a new piece of the puzzle clicking in place to brighten my day.
I had been running a series of experiments, my laboratory filled with the stench of chicken blood and offal, my gloved arms covered to the elbows in experimental refuse. A normal, productive evening.
The memory is a bit hazy, actually. It's been centuries, you see? I recall muttering something to an assistant, one of the many that apprenticed themselves to me on their own quests for knowledge.
The arcane sciences, you see, are art and-as the name suggests-science.
The most complex spell can be impacted by the slightest thing. Truly, most of these small variations can be ignored or smoothed over with an application of will and power, but that would mean... failing.
It would be like a master painter hiding a mistake behind a fresh layer, as opposed to truly understanding why each stroke marked the canvas as it did.
I had just pinpointed, with repeatable experiments, the reason why certain very illegal spells whose nature involves the soul and the extraction thereof would sometimes function poorly. As it turned out, the turning of the moons above did have an impact on the arcane, and I could prove it at last!
I knew that I had once more found a way to slip my name into the history books. It almost led me to missing out on the ping, on the warning flashing through my consciousness.
I had levelled up.
Grinning, I turned and inspected my stats.
My grin froze.
The world, for a moment, felt cold with confusion and uncertainty.
Level: Max
Two words, right at the top of my own status screen. Nothing else. Just those two.
I would like to say that everything hit me like a flash, that my rage against the world, against the system, and against the gods, started at that very moment, but that's not quite true.
Stepping back, I told my assistant to pick up after our experiments, and I returned to my chambers for a bit of wine and a moment to contemplate.
Seeing something at the maximum level wasn't impossible. I had certainly gotten some stats that high over the decades. Seeing their growth stop was irritating, but that was tempered by the knowledge that I had reached the pinnacle in that one area.
By my level? The expression of how strong I was?
If that had reached the maximum, then there was just no more growth to be had. No more point in experimenting to gain experience. No point in combating beasts to see how their magics worked, or of studying to grow ever more powerful.
I can recall throwing a goblet of wine across the room. An uncharacteristic show of violence and frustration for me.
I think it's understandable. I had just then discovered that one of the pillars in my life had not so much crumbled, but been revealed to be meaningless.
This was, of course, utterly unacceptable.
In the years that followed, my research took a turn away from merely knowing the secrets of magic and of the universe. No, that wasn't enough. Power alone wasn't enough. Magic wasn't enough.
I needed more. A new cause, a new reason.
First, immortality.
Through means too dark to speak of. Nations burned, fearsome creatures that terrorized entire continents were rendered down into so many reagents. Heroes rose up to fight me, misguided and full of thoughtless zeal. They made good testbeds for my further learning.
Once I became immortal, truly immortal, I set my sights higher.
I could have become a lord of sorts. An emperor of the dead that I had turned into my unsleeping, ever loyal army, but I had no interest in mere rule.
What would I learn from observing peasants squabble in the mud? What secrets could merchants sell me that were truly worthy of my time? Why abase myself to the machinations of nobles who chased after only small pitiful things like prestige, honour, and power, and who would rather take it from others than earn it for themselves?
No. I aimed for the seat of the gods.
The clergy mocked me before they fell. Holy magic was magic, and magic was my domain.
The gods scoffed at my efforts, then cried as their celestial palaces met the earth at long last.
And then...
And then...
I watched over the world. A thousand years old. More powerful than anything in the land. My level, still mockingly only at 'Max', calling upon others to underestimate me.
I suppose I could have remade the world in my image. Turn it into a bastion of learning and enlightenment.
But frankly, I was tired.
At long last I decided that, for my own health, for my own self-interest, I would lay myself to sleep. Not to death, for that had been barred to me when I found Death and killed him. Not to timelessness, because who was I to allow mere time to dictate my actions? But to rest.
I would sleep, and in some eons to come, when the universe at last reached its end, I would look upon the vast emptiness of the void itself, and demand answers.
The glowing orbs that served as my eyes extinguished themselves. My loyal servants, crafted with my love and care, laid themselves down to rest. And I slept.
And then some punk woke me up.
Last edited: Oct 31, 2020
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Chapter One
Moved to KU
Last edited: Aug 2, 2023
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Chapter Two — A Butler a Day
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Chapter Three — A View of the Future
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Chapter Four — A Hint of Civilisation
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Chapter Five — A Novel Idea
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Chapter Six — A Limpet and Books
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Chapter Seven — A Picture of the Wider World
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Chapter Eight — A Failure of Guest Rights
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Chapter Nine — A Mediocre Battle
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Chapter Ten — A Small Skirmish
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Chapter Eleven — A Test Subject
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Chapter Twelve — A Need to Experiment
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Chapter Thirteen — A Chilling Touch
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Chapter Fourteen — A Reason to Go
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Chapter Fifteen — A Desperate Motion
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Chapter Sixteen — A Good Showing
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Chapter Seventeen — A Thoughtful Trip
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