Chapter 1.
There was quite a bit of time until the day when we were out of school. As much as they could preparing for this event out of concern for their future well-being. Never before have I not noticed such a concern for their fellow students, as it is now. We've together вяляли fool, wrought different pranks, did not care about the future, and seemed to be all the same. True, and there were some difference in the severity of punishment for some and injustice for the other, but it all seemed coincidence обстоятелльств, and mechanism of action had hidden under the veil of cumulative each other events.
But these are the times. The closer we approached the issue from the school, the more I painted a picture of our differences of position and concepts of who is who. Gradually on the plan through conversations about protege and "hairy" the clutches of a so-and-so, conducted in a half-whisper. The mighty of this world to help their children, nephews, children, friends, invisible and unnoticed, somewhere up there, high offices, get better, get a good and decent distribution, go to the good place, where not too felt the hardships of military service, that we were recommended to bravely overcome in the statutes of the Armed Forces. "Long-haired" go, if not with his nose, then do not worry, anyway, for your future: for them worried others. On the background of this "hairy" elite was none too good a plight position gives the crippled majority build a pink plans for the future which, unfortunately, was empty exercise, and for which the best thing in life was not there, in the bright tomorrow, and today, and already yesterday. All understood it. It was a bit sad, but still in a special despondency nobody dwelt, and who have tried to change their life for the better, trying different ways.
I must say that I was in this time in a state of calm euphoria, — > living[Author:U] every day, as a gift of fate, because he knew exactly when this лафовая life заончиться — with the release of the College and in spite of successful study, understand that there is nothing definite, and the best for me not предвидиться exactly — I was not "волосатиком". Однвако, it doesn't really bother me. I had fun,went AWOL, met with friends, drink sometimes, but tried to successfully pass the final and state exams to not turned out in the end that I чеьыре year in vain "pulled" the red diploma.
Shortly before the main event the last four years of our life — > battery[Author:U] one пронырнливый шустряк managed to get lists, утянув of their training division. They were our direction after graduating from College, and then was actually confirmed that the best place went to "блатным", those in advance bother upstairs. Among these lucky you can see the name marks and last lazy. A persistent rumors that were in the General staff or circles close to him. Good distribution of the received or, in any case, had полчуить children urban elite "local mafia", so to speak: the sons of Director of the brewery and the head of the Central house of life, the second Secretary of the regional Committee and others. Rare guest among them were lost names our course of honors, many of which his personal zeal, painstaking work, cramming sleepless nights constant hard voltage their forces all four years, earning himself a red diploma and a "good" place. Last throughout my studies in College behaved loyally not violated discipline, not впутывались any conflicts between the cadets and the commanders and, in case of occurrence of such incidents almost always stood on the side of the command, first, together with sixes, I would like, bringing discord and dissension in the ranks of fellow students.
Sixes same, well-known and secret saints, which we lacked in abundance, those that from the very beginning, from the moment посььупления in school, with no brains, no protege, bet on пресмыкание and low off, also got good directions, punched for them battery and course — who to whom лебезил — link management.
I, like most of the fellow was simple, what is called "the people". I did not have neither special zeal to study not because of laziness and dementia, but from the fact that it was boring. Although acquire any knowledge I have always liked. May occur legitimate question: "Why I entered a military school?" it's reasonable to ask me about it. But I will refrain from answering it, because too many have Tolga tell, no I don't want to. As some other time. I will only say that not all come to such institutions from a good life.
Thus, I can only say that I was not блатным nor remarkable a worker-a-student, although it on крастный diploma but only for the reason that caught all on the fly and mastered quickly, and the rest of the time тартил on AWOL, girls and...in General, enjoyed life. I was not and подлизой. And so was not expecting from the upcoming distribution is nothing good, maybe because I felt that do not deserve it.
Last year and a half out of four I had fun in the walls — > school[Author:U] passively s study, trying not to have twos, to occasionally allowed to go on leave, not grieved by the strict implementation of orders and instructions of commanders and strict observance of their obligations and disciplines. Besides, from my side, to the address of the commanders often frustrated words and replicas that it would be better to hold it shut. More than just my superiors surprised that at school I was almost a pupil in school learning suddenly cooled and I was forced to study, "pull" platoon, and were angry that this is not happening, and, of course, were going to do so that I regret this.
The stories of those who ддовелось serve in such places, and former cadets sometimes looked in school, life hardly glimmered, flowed slowly and painfully dreary marsh water, тухла in the frenzy soundly drunkenness and wild debauchery. The absence of even the rudiments of culture, remoteness and isolation the wretched Mirka military towns helped alive rot in the greyness of the monotony and заскорузлой everyday life and soul, and body. However, there were some весельчаки that such a life is like, and they told about it with pleasure.
One senior Lieutenant, somehow coming into the school поаукаться with his курсантским past, say Hello to the commanders, who remains at school, talked with us, telling about some Безречке somewhere in the distant and in sorrowful Transbaikalia, told us the tale of the commander of the regiment. According to his story, it was observed a terrible sloppiness in the barracks lacked the glass in the Windows, and they tie them polyethylene film in winter the soldiers slept in felling in каптерках, dryers, Lenin room, in a word, in places where there was less of Windows and air volume to make it easier to warm him with their breath. Boiler broke and gave no heat for several years. Families of officers lived as best they could, stoked their barracks буржуйками — sad invention of devastation. In General people there live, but survived. Officers on the beat service thumbs, played mostly in the "Prefecture", and the commander of the regiment who served there, in this very Безречке was fifteen years in a row, every year in the month of August began the morning divorce regiment words: "yesterday I phoned (Pepper) Перест De Куэллер. He said that in Transbaikalia will be winter", then did a meaningful pause and tracing system eloquent glance, indicating, inter alia, and cry: "Look, who can!" but officer, поведавшему us this story, in Безречке like it because its speech he finished about these words: "do Not worry, guys, in this службеесть their charms. However, there are places and worse. We though water is not delivered, and the nature of at least some какаяимеется. And then there are places that people generally live: steppe or sand around".
Another somehow convinced us how fun and романтичножить in the Arctic tundra, see the sun for a few months a year, but throughout the day, and come hunting deer with a gun and a bag of cartridges. Bachelors in this the Arctic get that dope that отпят stoves in their rooms butter, which they receive at продпаек.
Listening to such рассказки, I with sadness and melancholy thought that surely will please to one of the remotest places and will потихонечьку go crazy, together with these here unhappy, 'll learn how the juice, drink vodka, and the end of my распахабную in the best case some пропойцей-капитанишкой, or even make up a pension.
Such arguments are often suggests my unworthiness, but I tried to dismiss decadent mood, he has fled from them, escaping from oppressive future in the present day.
Like the spawn of mind I have created a certain complex костеневший with time more and constantly pulling me down, because чтосплошь and near feeble, but self-confident, посредственные, but impudentadjusted in the future to have a minimum of his shoulder straps, but I could not get rid of his fateful prejudice. I already doomed to fail, while my peers expected soon almost on oak leaves in their buttonholes and embroidered with big stars General's Golden epaulettes.
Of course, those who led the life of a confident and strong, всевластная hand, someone's invisible and unknown to the rest of the launched in our midst whence from above, from a prosperous tops of our society, have the right to count on it. The ambitions of the other more, I must say, parts were blatant arrogance with which they hoped to make their way up and make a career. Although hopes they had поубавиться after they roll in green river, it's something shapeless, gray, corrupting, hating herself, named officers corps of the Soviet Army, when they happen to be in the environment of inertia and passive stay and burning their assigned by the state and a defense of life, the expectations of the rest of his unbearable, dirty, unsettled, terrible, like a nightmare, and lousy as life Jackal, немилостливой fate, when they know the price of every single days of service. Dust and mediocrity which mortally heavy and тоскливы, if not to dilute their alcohol or vodka, and the more, the better.
Most have yet to learn that they have no chance of success, because everything is already in store, bought and sold, prepared for the protege, and they last on this невеселом feast. But to understand this we must go through years of withering soul and body in which each of them with great disappointments appear miserly, but favorite joy, beggarly handouts fate and the army, this хитрейшего apparatus. And then kaeach of them understand that their hopes were disappointed, and will pull the strap, waiting for pensions.
Once in the classroom the teacher-the Lieutenant Colonel told us in between times that the peasant's son in the army ceiling to become a Lieutenant Colonel, and he has already achieved. Then his words, few people paid attention, but probably in vain. In saying it was some kind of elusive, but the sad wisdom of life.
I was not the most audacious violator of discipline and order, but it so happened that met regularly with small violations that was equally punishable. Many were дерзновеннее me in our deeds and actions, but almost never happened. I always come across any offensive nonsense on his мальчишестве. This angered the commanders much more than if I соершил something big offense. Only by the end of the third course I thought of the then prevailing intolerable state of things, and was "corrected": now I to anybody boasted своимим adventures, as before, behaved silently meek. Резальтат not long in coming, and to the middle of the fourth year there, and they thought Yakovlev began to mend, has finally come to his senses. Now I regretted only that realized too late, how to behave in life, anyway cadet.
But at the same time the actions of my purchased audacity hundredfold in excess of what I did before. From that moment I began a double life, one outside the school, of whom nobody knew, and the second in its walls, which was on everyone's mind, and I suddenly became a good boy.
From the first course I paid attention to the fact that the commander of a platoon could not achieve from me, that I was wearing the lap belt as expected. He was always "loose". From this here and still with certain minor violations in the form of clothes and started my long вонйа with the commander of a platoon, and then with комнадирами higher. For four years I have changed two platoon commander and four commander of the battery, but heavy and unnecessary stigma slut passed down from one to another by inheritance until the very end.
My two mates were not strict observance of forms, номало who reached such a nonsense, as I have to flaunt parasitism before the command. I thought his valor, that when the officers did not begin as other is shameful to fuss and bring their appearance in order, thought my reputation in the eyes of his comrades from the higher and in fact, my eyes, they think I'm a serious man, if you say the least. I never rebuked any of them, believing that they see my moral superiority. As it turned out, that on this background, I выгладел the natural black sheep, and stupid. Most arrived as it was beneficial in a particular situation.
Now when the time drew receive what is called a calculation, all were "good", and I was "bad". Of course, I was annoyed. Not helped to deal with resentment even the fact that I knew that to blame himself. This was payback for my honesty, and those who лицемериl, were now on a horse. Honesty is my useless. It was a shame that directness, which was raised in me since childhood was оружиемпротив very me. Комнадиров too little interested in what is happening behind the curtain well-being, just to out do not вылазило. I did this dirt pulled out, sweeping dirty linen in public. Who could this please?
In the third year, when life really began to grow restless still, I made a few principles of behaviour, which are very necessary to TEBI left alone.
First, honest to be only when it is you, in any case, not hurt. This is hypocrisy, but I have never met a person, who being the biggest bitch and вралем, would not consider, however, to be an honest man. Calming his pride and drowning out the voice of conscience, he comes up with the norms of its internal morality, as appropriate, its views on life. But I think he tormented and suffered, that he приходиься lie. People may behave more honest than the other, but to be completely honest life cannot, perhaps, to anyone. Sooner or later, at some period in the life of any mortal prevaricate, he is tired to be honest.
That and say that all men have their weaknesses. Without it there would be life itself. Even the most powerful spirit of a man will not everywhere and not very strong as steel. Desire post тоянно her struggles with varying success. Hero does decisive моментможет concentrate the force of the spirit and suppressed desire. But the desire to destroy completely, as part of the human soul, you cannot fail to anybody, not mutilated, not искалечив its essence. Desire is a manifestation of the spirit and will, therefore, it cannot exist without the fluctuating balance of these two components, warring with each other, but impossible without each other, because without desires a person will become a biorobot, and without the will turn into a brainless animal, which creates only what pleases of his flesh. They harnessed to a single cart temporal existence, suppress and limit each other, preventing ugliness. In addition, the will helps to understand their desires and feelings, choosing any one of them. By the way, on this occasion, it is better to address to the Floor Shores and his "Miracle of fasting", you can read philosophers, still any.
