Shepherd noticed my agitation, but not stopped and has not given it a value:
... "From those times, as this great monastery failed under the ground, I live here, every time dying, but again and again gaining life. I defeated wandering astral warrior who has completed their earthly path of struggle against evil. There was a terrible battle few hundred years ago, and the forces of Evil to triumph over the forces of Good. Deceit won fearlessness, rage — love and meanness willpower. Everything turned upside down. And the stronghold of the Faith, outraged by evil spirits, and devoted благодушными its inhabitants, not stood and went to the Kingdom of Darkness. Here was my last battle, but I met someone was unable to overcome. Therefore debunked was from powerful spells, giving me strength to struggle against Darkness.
And I am now till the judgment day I will die and be born here, as died and was born all these hundreds of years, passing from one image into, from life to life, but, unfortunately, while keeping a clear memory of what happened here in front of the disappearance of the monastery.
Every time I find a form of a fool, a village fool — word, a man whom no one looks seriously. And this is a convenient wrapper for the custodian of the treasures of the monks occupied by the Prince of Darkness.
Every time companion of my life is Barbara, which is the main Keeper. I'm at it for the delectation of revenge Evil to Good, to see and feel, feel the victory of Darkness over the Light, to see and suffer from the realization of his own powerlessness. I'm still good, but goodness impotent, безучастное, развенчанное evil. I — the good, sentenced to death"...
In my head for the first time after a long break born lines, although I thought forever forgotten how to write verses:
I'm still Good, развенчанное Darkness,
I'm still Good, already лишенно wings
And thrown in the dirt; Прислугою mute appeal
Really became Evil among свинячьих snouts...
Suddenly a shadow flashed beyond the window for a moment before falling into the bathhouse, a ray of light. Shepherd started:
— Barbara! I should leave. Both of us'll be sorry if he sees us together!
He's put me on the go, already метнувшись to the back door leading to a river, from which he appeared.
Both doors were opened at the same time. In one someone come in, the other ran away, my strange companion. And I, as if at a crossroads wanderer, stood on a shelf, neither alive nor dead, quivering in fear, waiting for what will happen the next moment. Heart stopped and took in the heel.
Chapter 9.
Something now prompted me to call Veronica, and I began to struggle to remember if she had a phone and what his room.
Do it and failed, but the disturbing, pinching chest deep longing question: if she returned or not, gave me no rest.
Aimlessly, not knowing where I wandered all in confusion. And in his sorrow is not noticed as soon appeared somewhere in the city, in an area that seemed to me even at the beginning unfamiliar. But I barely know him, as my legs have gone, carrying me forward. And soon I was in front of a nondescript gray five story building, in one of the apartments which was born and, perhaps, still glimmered my , perhaps the strongest, for all their brevity and happy or not radiance, love.
Now I could no longer restrain his emotion, rapidly flew up the stairs and was on the ground near her door. His heart started beating in the chest, not letting hearing what was happening in the apartment. With bated breath, why echoing his shots were heard in the head, in the temples, I knocked on the door.
Echoes knocking my door resounded along the empty porch, sad and lonely, and then, without waiting for a response. I knocked again and again, but all my attempts were without result.
Long I stood at the door, feeling like everything falls in the shower, then went, walking slowly from step to step.
Suddenly behind him there was a loud click and opened the door to the apartment Veronica. At the door stood a stranger to me woman and stared at my back.
-Pardon, but Veronica home? was the patter I blurted out, as if afraid of what appeared an elderly lady vanish like a Ghost, and at the same time, wondering who she could be the girl.
The woman said nothing to me, not blinking, like a serpent, continuing to stare at me with her huge, bulging eyes.
I paused in confusion, not understanding the reasons for her strange behavior.
"What do you want? — May be unable to bear distinctly because, turned to me familiarly, almost offensive, aunt.
-Veronica, please have a go! deliberately I politely asked, trying to speak loudly, but not to scream.
-And it probably can't, " indifferently said the woman.
-How not?
-As well. Former owners moved out here a few days ago. Now here I live.
Passionate conversation and surprised heard I never noticed again climbed on to the platform. Type I, apparently, was incredulous, and maybe that's why the woman offered me:
-Yes you, son pass, if you do not believe. Come, see for yourself.
Without hesitation, I entered the apartment, intrigued again подтвердившейся guess that my life is moving on some bewitched circle, from which I cannot escape.
What I saw in the apartment, put me in despair. Already in the hallway began traces of clutter, which always remains in the abandoned dwellings: the bare walls, appeared immediately flaws buildings, scattered in disarray small things, some papers, Newspapers, scraps of wire, ropes, boxes and broken, unusable already boxes, nails and screws, lonely stuck out from the wooden stoppers in the walls of those places, where there hung a bra and a clothes hanger.
All rooms of the apartment were in the same condition, and from this dreary, hopeless ruin of the soul painful stuck and became bitterly. Unutterable loneliness overwhelmed me at this.
I ran from room to room, looking from side to where she lived Veronica with his brother. Her ragged thrown view, emptiness dusty lifeless air, unmoved, unawakening yourself standing in four walls, made me special distress. Evening summer spent here once, not by the way surfaced from the depths of memory.
That though somehow to dispel the clouds of black moods, I wanted to ask the woman who opened the door for me, where she lives: in none of the rooms was not her clothes, no furniture, no dishes, no скарба at all — but she was not there. The apartment was empty, if anyone here besides me and was not. I went out on the landing, wanted to call out, then stopped, because I didn't know who actually call.
I could do nothing but how, slamming the door, go down and go outside.
Now I don't know what to do next, could not tell myself even why they came here, in this city, and that I need.
If I wanted to go back to the собачнику that sheltered me for a few days, with all the desire could not do this: then everything turned out by itself — and, never leaving day on the street, I find now and the house where he lived. Yes, in all honesty, I do not want to see him again, though I have many, he was obliged to.
I desired to meet anyone from old girls, with whom he recklessly fun and to spend time. It is unlikely now these meetings would be something useful and the more joyful. The bridges were burned, and, despite the fact that can easily be found and now not one, not two addresses from last dashing youth I had still wouldn't do it. Yes and I, most likely, these cheerful girl has long forgot, my presence in their life would only mute scene and mutually arisen awkwardness.
With all the piercing, with a clear piercing, what could my brain, I realized that we should leave, leave today from this city, and I'm vain came here and search for yesterday's always piercingly sad and tragic in its hopelessness, which hurts the heart mercilessly down ahead, all change, breaking, breaking something to strive for the soul, ruthless, no, because it can be neither good nor evil.
"There is no love!" sadly I thought, seeing how the world is floating before my eyes. "No
Love", " I repeated, and the world had stopped, now more sober and less romantic than ever. Scattered colourful cubes, соткавшие in my mind a picture of my life faded even more, becoming almost grey, colourless, and утухание paints immediately satisfied steel, sad tone reality.
"Where are you, Veronica?" — a groan burst out of my chest, but her lips spoke in a barely audible.
Again I was at the cemetery, where the grave of Athanasius, and I saw again that in its place свежевырытая Yama still yawning dark brown failure. Yes, I have not seen it, and was all really.
Already at the station I came to my senses, in fact, nothing of having no one saw, but only all lost. From this sudden thought, I even stayed before a pedestrian crossing when everyone went on a green light, and came to his senses only when newly red. Next to me on the side of the road there was only stunted grandmother with some котомкой in his hand, a colourful scarf, повязанном on the head.
The cars on the road near the crossing was not only far from one side of the approaching loaded with мощн6ый timber, чадящий thick soot, and on the other — several cars, overtaking each other, and without special risk to cross the roadway, but me such a temptation not tempted. Waiting for a green signal, I anxiously looked at the sky where the clouds and, it seems, was going to go in autumn nasty and fine, drizzling cold крапью rain. Harbinger of bad weather, a sharp, piercing wind, already blew, raising with asphalt dust and the first fallen leaves.
An old woman that was standing next to me, evidently knew to run across the street or not. This was evident in her топтании and continuous дергании, from which every time it seemed that she finally decided on this.
Suddenly, quite unexpectedly, when the great roaring and чадящий old MAZ truck with cabin, shaking, as the head of paranoiac in an attack, was already quite a few metres from the "Zebra", the grandmother threw mincing, small steps on the pavement, and already frightened by his sudden decision, with huge, terrible eyes, rush to the middle of the road race against death.
It all happened so quickly and unexpectedly that I even had no time to recover from their unhappy and equally slow thinking about the weather and do something to somehow prevent разворачивающемуся me terrible spectacle. "With the mind that does come, old?" — only and had time to think I, with a sinking heart, knowing that all that you can now do is throw together this little grandmother under the wheels of your monster.
The initial movement grandmother was so natural that if behind it, somebody was standing, I could never for a moment doubted that she was asked a good kick and pushed under the wheels of the truck. But there was nobody, not a soul, and instead of wonder, I only began to be afraid anyone seeing this.
On the other side of the road someone screamed.
The old woman kept going, and before my eyes all this was happening in slow motion. Here she stumbled, and then was surprised it was found that in transition, it appears, was not very deep cast iron sewage hatch, which caught the toe of her tiny legs. She with unexpected agility to avoid falling, and only fell nose, but it was too late.
This is a terrible moment stretched out to infinity, and as the pictures were distorted from непоправимости nightmare face of the driver in the cab of MAZ, old woman, desperately seeking to evade a powerful bumper of the truck that can be, and had she been able to, not stumble it on the ill-fated hatch.
Further, it was like a bad dream. The old lady threw forward, and the picture came to life. Desperately скрепящий brakes timber, from under the wheels went to clubs grey smoke from burns rubber, drawing on asphalt black coal bold tread footprint, наполз to my grandma, and she disappeared somewhere in the soot and clubs exhaust fumes, dust and smoke. MAZ froze, making his terrible thing froze too late to save someone. Tore down from the sharp deceleration thick, heavy logs hit in the cabin, from which she toppled forward, stood up on its hind legs and he fell, fell flew in different directions. One of them, huge girth in two, fell on me, and I barely managed to jump away, as with resonant blows his mighty end already danced on the very spot where I stood. Next to him and slam against, гудя, rolled on the sidewalk a log, matching and наехав on убегавшую from his woman.
Noise, ringing and gnashing of intimidating a barrage rained a few more seconds, when it was suddenly blank, dead silence, had opened before the eyes of the terrible picture, seeing that it was hard not to say, and just believe that everything happened because of one impatient old woman that wishes to cross the road in front of the machine itself. In front of me opened currently battle.
Scattered in all directions logs crushed by a few people. One of мчавшихся towards лесовозу cars are now standing under his trailer with вдавленной in beauty roof, which has got a log воткнувшееся in her face and now crooked sticking out in the sky as a monument pinned under him. The other machine, dodging, apparently, from the danger, jumped out on to the pavement and was now standing, влепившись into a concrete barrier twisted accordion, пригвоздившей tightly someone.
Everything happened so suddenly that I couldn't help but think that it is unlikely this could have happened without someone's powerful and evil in this power of the hand.
As I thought about it, I immediately felt someone's palm, formed on my shoulder, and a voice familiar, not good, not a native language , as it seemed to me, said: "well Done, haha, well jump!"
I quickly turned around, but saw nobody. Cold turned me from the head to the feet, sticky cold terror, which occurs when one touches directly with the fact that knowing a person is not supposed.
Not understanding why, I rushed away, back into the city, frightened, thinking that Someone't want me to leave this town or, at least, so I left it today, now. Maybe I found the output of the enchanted trap I've ever run on an empty circle and Someone to predict my unconscious intentions, prevented from my despair.
Was still day, but I incomprehensible horror expected the coming of the evening and night, as if was going to happen something wrong. A terrible accident remained somewhere there behind the station, but he seemed to be the magic castle closed my way, returning to normal river of fate.
Long and I wandered aimlessly around the city trying to collect his thoughts. Somewhere in the depths of my soul already копошилось anxiety, what happens when you know that you are at ease, and that you've already had to have done something to be in a place where one would be. And I just felt that I would have time to serve, to leave away from here, in some wilderness, into some hole, and, may be, I get loose all stage of hell.
