I suppose the main thing I could say about him was that he looked very little like Coil now. The bodysuit he'd worn before put so much emphasis on his thin frame, making him look almost skeletal, but the polo shirt and slacks he had on didn't hug his frame so tightly, giving an entirely different image. He was, in a word, average. His exposed arms seemed somewhat muscular in a very wiry sense, giving a hint of being toned rather than merely thin. Only a slight gauntness to his cheeks gave a different impression.
"You wanted to see me?" I broke the silence as I looked at his face, taking in his expression as it shifted to an amused sort of look. A black, almost bushy eyebrow quirked and he gave a thin smile. His slightly sunken cheeks folded from the motion, and his grey eyes locked onto mine.
"Yes, I did indeed." His voice gave it away. It sounded exactly the same as I'd remembered since I first met him. "But before anything else, I wanted check on your satisfaction to holding up my end of our deal."
I swallowed as a feeling of being led into a trap loomed over me. "I don't have any complaints; Dinah seems to be doing much better now."
"Good, good..." Calvert flicked his eyes to balcony — or rather, to the park outside the apartment building which the balcony gave a nice view of. "I felt it was time to address your side of the bargain.
"As Tattletale gave a brief overview on our last meeting of sorts, I'm planning on letting go a number of the Undersiders' services once the PRT's control of the city has strengthened further. Thanks in part to my proxies in the city's government I'll have almost total authority in the city come November, and I'll be wanting most of the villains out of the city after the elections."
I swallowed again. "But not me."
"But not you." Calvert gave a small nod, looking back to me with that thin smile still on his face. "You agreed to work for me for however long I desired provided I let my pet go, which I have."
"I'm — " I started, but quickly stopped as Calvert held up his palm.
"My main question to you, right now," he continued as if I hadn't interrupted, "is how far, exactly, you're willing to go for me.
"I have no complaints on your services so far, you've outdone my expectations, but now that the city is coming firmly under my control, I imagine the nature of your work for me will change, and evolve."
"I... don't understand." I said slowly, my mind turning his words over, examining them. A change in identity, perhaps?
"Let me be more precise, then." Calvert paused, sipping at his tea. "Your morals have always been a very clear guiding point for you, but how far would you be willing to bend them for me, given your promise? Would you kill for me? Would you die for me?"
"I — " A thrill of fright shot up my spine.
"Or, to give a hypothetical example, let us say that an acquaintance of mine was planning a coup, planning to kill me." My eyes went wide before I could stop it. "But let's say, hypothetically, that I asked you to kill that acquaintance, would you?"
"I — " I didn't even know what I could say. He knew. He fucking knew. Of course he fucking knew. Shit.
"Or," Calvert said, still as casual as ever as he pulled out a gun and flicked off the safety with a sharp click — and for a second, I thought about attacking him with everything I had — and set it on the table between us. "In this scenario, let's say that acquaintance was something of a lonely person, and wouldn't be willing to go through with the coup if their dearest friend held a gun to her own head and told them, utterly serious, that she'd have to kill herself if that acquaintance didn't abandon the plan."
I stared at the gun like it was a hissing viper, and flicked my gaze to Calvert as he looked at me, bushy eyebrow quirked once more. Despite the heat, I felt a cold chill creep down my back, even as I tried to just think despite the panic trying to overtake me.
In many ways, I could barely believe it. I couldn't truly believe that Calvert was being so... forgiving, to put simply. He knew, possibly from torturing us for information with his power, but he still knew and he hadn't just killed us. It wouldn't have been hard. A sniper rifle, a bomb, maybe something from an out of town parahuman, there were endless ways to get rid of us given all the time he'd had, and the fact that I hadn't gone through with it — yet — because he'd held up his end of the deal.
"I... I don't..." I stuttered for a second before stopping, swallowing nosily — and taking a sip of my tea as I tried to get some lubrication in my suddenly dry throat — before taking a breath to try and calm down and just push away the emotions tumbling through me. "What... guarantee would I have that, in that hypothetical scenario, you'd continue to keep your end of our deal?"
"Yes," Calvert said, giving a sort of a huff of laugh. "I suppose that would make it hard to check on my end of it, wouldn't it? But let's say for the sake of argument that you could trust me to uphold it fully, even with your demise. It's a hypothetical situation, after all."
"I..." I trailed off, thinking, albeit somewhat erratically. Part of me was trying to think of what just I could do now, did we try it anyway, run, fight, what?
But another part of me did think about his question seriously, tried to flip around the supposedly hypothetical in a way so I could examine it honestly. What if I really could trust Calvert, which I couldn't, really, but what if I could. If I, under his orders, told Lisa that if she didn't abandon her plan to overthrow the man who'd hired her at gunpoint, I'd have to kill myself. It was so utterly ridiculous in so many different ways — but really, wasn't so much of what I'd done already so? The main question, though, was could I actually do that, in all seriousness?
Probably not.
Could I kill Lisa?
Definitely not.
"No, I don't think I could." Actually giving the answer seemed to drain something out of me. I was still nervous, hell, I was actually kind of terrified of what was going to happen now, but I felt a sort of serenity in actually giving that answer honestly. But on the other hand, it probably wasn't the smartest of answers.
"I see." Calvert gave a sigh, before picking up the gun, flicking the safety back on and holstering it on left leg again. I'd noticed it from the start thanks to my insects, but hadn't really expected him to pull it out. "A pity, but I did expect as much. Let me ask something a bit less roundabout, then. If I had a need for you to seduce and sleep with someone, would you?"
For a moment I froze, my brain just sort of stopped as I tried parsing the question. An insane image of me dressed up as some sort of gaudy hooker and acting as a hanger on to a fat businessman popped into my head. I'd have laughed if I didn't think that Calvert was absolutely serious. A different sort of feeling shot through me then — revulsion. A twisting snake in my gut that writhed about, making me want to vomit out all the tea I'd just drank.
But I swallowed it down, and thought. Could I do it? Would I do it? And, perhaps most importantly, if I couldn't just how would that impact Calvert's... forgiveness, for the lack of a better word. Was this all just sort some of roundabout interrogation he was constructing through his power, he certainly seemed at ease enough for it, or was this really just a more thorough grounding of what I was going to need to do in the future?
I didn't know. I had absolutely no idea what Calvert was planning here, and that was probably the most frightening thing. But I did know that I needed to give an answer, an honest one, because something told me — just a gut feeling — that he'd know if I was lying.
So I thought some more. The thought of having to just whoring myself out was flat out revolting, not the quite the same kind of sickening feeling at the thought of killing someone in cold blood, but no less chilling in a way. But the question of whether or not I could do it, that was the main thing. So, Taylor, I thought to myself, could you do that?
Probably, if I absolutely had to. It was different from killing someone, after all. It was something I'd do to myself, something in me that I'd have to sacrifice. In a way, that confirmation made me feel just a bit dirtier, think just a little bit less of myself.
"I..." I started, and an image of Brian thrust itself into my brain, making me hesitate. In all honesty, we'd been growing more and more distant. I'd tried to act as a stable element in his life, but we just hadn't been clicking. If it really, actually came down to it, I'd have break up with him — hell, I'd definitely have to break up with him regardless when it came time for the rest of the Undersiders leave Brockton Bay, but this thought was like the final nail in the coffin to me.
"Yes, I could. I... would have a hard time doing it, but I could, if needed." Saying it out loud felt even worse, like I'd thrown away my dignity. I imagined the expression on my dad's face if he ever heard it, and felt a pang of shame.
Which was, in so many ways, utterly ridiculous. I'd already done so many horrible things, even if it was to many horrible people, and I'd been planning on killing the man in front of me for quite some time — even if I'd avoided thinking about it. What was that to selling my body out? Nothing, it was barely a drop in the bucket of whatever horrible karma I'd been piling onto myself despite my best intentions.
Shit, thinking about it like that hurt. I'd never wanted things to turn out this way, but the world never did seem to cooperate with me.
"I see." Calvert's other eyebrow rose up, a clear display of surprise. He hadn't been expecting me to say that. "Prove it to me."
My breath hitched, and I looked at him in shock. The sweat on me, creeping down my armpits, beading on my forehead, suddenly seemed very cold on my skin. For one instant, I felt like laughing hysterically, but then the revulsion came back full force and I had to swallow down the bile that was rising in my throat.
"I..." I shakily took a sip of my tea. "H-how?"
"Take off your clothes." Calvert looked at me the same as he always had throughout this meeting, but that casual air had suddenly taken on a far more sinister presence to me. There was something more behind that almost bored look in his eyes, now.
Or was it just in my head? Was he uninterested, but just testing me? In some ways, the unknown frightened me more than the order. But what else was there to do? I thought, for a single moment, of refusing, or attacking him, or anything else besides following his command.
But I did.
I stood up and grabbed the sides of my dress and brought up over my head and set it down on my chair, careful not to dislodge any of the insects clinging to it. I paused for a moment, standing in front of him — still looking bored — while I was naked except for my sandals, uncertain. I saw a clock on the other hand of the wall tick away a few seconds, and Calvert didn't say a word, just looked at him. In some ways, I felt a twang of regret at not wearing something else beyond a single dress — like if I'd had more clothing I could have felt less vulnerable from the action, but I put that aside. It was a useless feeling.
I let a slow breath as I fidgeted for a second and fought the urge to cover up with my hands. Instead, I forced my arms to hang loosely at my sides, almost appearing relaxed if not for the slight shaking that trembled through my limbs. I gave a noisy swallow, trying to work up some moisture in mouth, and licked my lips. All the while, Calvert just stared, that same thin smile, that same bored look in his eyes.
I watched a few more seconds pass without a word, and suddenly had a thought. Was he using his powers right now? Was he, perhaps, having me do something quite different, something a bit more than just stand silently in some other reality? It was more than a tad unsettling.
"What now?" I finally asked, after letting ten more seconds tick away on the clock.
Calvert blinked, and took a long, slow breath, before giving a short wave. "You can put your clothes back on. That's enough of proof to me for now."
"Did..." I worked my jaw for a second, a strange need for confirmation overcoming me. "Did you just use your powers? Are you, I mean?"
"Would it matter if I was?" A curious look entered his eyes, and he quirked an eyebrow again.
"I — " For a second I felt like I'd overstepped myself, like I'd just made a mistake. It wasn't really important, anyway. "No, not really. I was just... curious."
"Then yes, I did." Calvert stood up, and I had to stop myself from taking a step back. I wasn't suddenly helpless now that I'd taken off my clothes, or even more powerful if I had them on given they were just ordinary ones, but I still felt... different. Enough that I had to force myself to act coolly, keep myself from hunching defensively. "You, as I'm beginning to expect, performed well beyond my hopes."
Calvert pulled a key out of his pocket and set it on the table. "Keep this. When I call for you, I'll want you to come here again."
So saying, he left at a leisurely pace. I didn't move as I watched him leave the room, and the apartment building through my bugs. I looked at the key on the table, naked in the wake of the summer heat blasting into the room, turmoil buzzing in my mind. I didn't even know how to take any of this. Should I prepare for Calvert to try and kill me? Should I feel dirty from having to strip down in front of him, from whatever he might have had me do?
I don't know.
Ever since he'd let Dinah go, I'd been tormenting myself what thoughts of just what would happen in the future. In many cases, I'd wondered if he was going to have me do when things were all said and done, and I'd wondered just what I'd do if it came down to it. I'd never come up with a good answer. Did saving Dinah justify it all, or should risk everything and try Lisa's plan, even if he kept his promise.
I don't know.
I pulled back on my clothes and grabbed the key, not really sure of anything anymore. I'd call Lisa, undoubtedly, but I didn't think she'd have any answer either.
I really don't know.
* * *
I know, I know. No porn (that you saw!). This isn't exactly something safe for work though. This is actually something I wrote pretty close in time to Carol, but I was hoping to get some sort of continued work on before posting. That inspiration never came, but I still felt like the writing wasn't too bad. Ignoring the creeping from Coil, I always felt like a story where he did indeed keep his end of the bargain because he was like, "You know, I bet I could actually go pretty far with this Skitter girl" would have been interesting.
