The following night, I again could not say a damn handset single word. And, but at length, decided never again to call.
And between the Grisha moved with It further, and did not conceal from me for this. She came to him at the checkpoint, and everything went very well. However, and he made a mistake.
Somehow, at the same time, our course arranged a disco in училищном sports centre. Was there I was there and Grisha, but we were in different campaigns, and I've been sure Охромов invited tonight, and Her. But I was mistaken. After an evening in a few days he has opened the heart with me and admitted that "fundamentally broken". It turns out that at the disco he was with another friend, which would give the shot, and made it just then. But She, without invitation, then came the night with a girlfriend, and the whole evening watching him as he danced with another girl. The next day Охромов called Her, and she asked who he was at the party and why not invite Her. He began to apologize, but she would not listen.
I felt some semblance of hope, a very humiliating, but then I was all the same. I кказал Grisha that want to држить with her that now he has It still does not work. It is quite великодушко agreed, saying only that Saturday She will come to the checkpoint. First, It will speak it, and then get to It I. I agreed.
After the Sabbath Grisha went off the scene, and It has been fully provided for my ambitions. First I have with it all went well. I don't know how it happened to me, but held even something like the explanation in the love of It. However, I do not say directly that I love, it apparently did not have the heart, but admitted that She likes me.
My experiences continued until the month of August and ended in complete defeat, while all this time I was never neither earlier nor later not tested состояянии euphoria. The whole world seemed made of lightweight foam, and even the biggest наприятности that and then don't stop bothering me, could not take away from me, out of the soul that magical feeling of love and longing.
Vexation that was special, not longing for the coveted female flesh, that has come to me later, together with sinful temptation. It was clean, bright longing for the future, full of dreams that escaped me, barely seemed to me that I was going to catch up with him. It was a romantic feeling, which transformed the whole world around me, making everything what surrounds me only the cradle, which grew, and was filling my happiness.
However, the first love, the insidious not less than all others.
Yes, Grisha left the scene of action and gave a major role to me, a novice. He was still much more experienced in relationships with women and not got really upset from what he had lost one of them, even despite the fact that he liked her. He was a nobler changing, and, may be, and smarter, and with the true grandeur and pride left this triangle. He is not allowed to choose for themselves a woman and renounced it even earlier than she could say no. however, She failed to do the selection. Обстоятелства left us alone. I was happy to madness, but She is now I can say this for sure, decided: "Well, as it so happened..." Grisha she liked, and remained like his shadow.
As soon as we were, two of the three, as she TT began to leave for the weekend and holidays, when I could see, in the village to the grandmother, Kharkov to his sister, who was a student there at the Institute. From this my suffering incredibly strengthened and sharpened, and then to drown them and a little bit of revenge, I accidentally met with another girl, which like me in the first case, and, although my temper stubbornly resisted this violence began vigorously cultivate a relationship with her, walking with her on the weekends in the city, discos, bars. In one weekend, when I was walking with his new friend on one of the Central streets of the city, and It was in оъезде once again, we "spied" the one, Her girlfriend, with which she stopped at the school at the time of our acquaintance. I felt bad as last Skoda, and I said aloud that it was the end, but my companion didn't understand what I mean.
The next day I called Her in the morning — she had come by the night train the day before, and said that did it yesterday with the campaign, but never got up the courage to tell the saving: "There was one nice girl, then we separated from осталных and walked around the city some, but in the end, I left, because I can't forget you, although you are not very жалуешь me with their appearances". I say to TC, and everything would have been different. But I could not then say it.
Then She learned from her that same girlfriend that I was in Her absence in the society a pretty girl, and everything went wrong. We argued and I as much as two weeks was attached to the first not to call Her, but still broke — called. We are reconciled, but now my отношеги on the other went unexpectedly far, and I don't know what to do.
Two months I couldn't make the final selection. Relations with It ate my attachment and relationship with the other stayed on the fact that I appreciated her attraction to me and wanted not only to love himself, but some people like it, too, have, so to say, a barometer of its own popularity with the opposite sex, to determine their chances of success, their basis and potential. I расстерял in the two months of its magic feeling and lost all довеие both, because both parties, was accused of "infidelity".
DV month barren waste of their feelings, and August has put everything in its place. Something happened, something had to be. One second, gone, found the strength to leave, as I realized that I did not нравитс, and I was so unthankful, that did not consider it necessary to refuse it, and that it would be at least honest. And with Her... Her... Her everything happened at the end of this tragic love affair.
Ended up that I was sitting one August evening, almost night in the hallway outside Her door, like a beaten dog, and whined piteously, trying in such a desperate way to touch Her heart. I have had to do this, and what a damn enjoyable was the humiliation. I have had to do this before the woman, and felt ready to stoop even more, if only she would say. For this humiliation, probably, not because of the immense courage, I could then throw from the window of the door, only to hear from her a hint that it will be Her pleasure. I was ready to become a rug in front of Her door, I wanted to бытьь her beloved dog and obediently run after her on a leash, I dreamed of becoming a bodiless spirit, and be with Her always and everywhere, even when She would be alone with other men.
This, about his Great Humiliation говоил I'm with her that night. I knew I was seeing Her for the last time, that it was the Last night of my First love, I felt it, I don't know what feeling. And I cried and cried, sitting ass on the concrete floor at Its threshold, I talked to her so openly, as never been with any woman, I openly poured out Her soul, препоручая Her will pick it up, console, or crush. The faint hope that my revelations touched Her heart, opening the way in it for me, still glimmered in his dying longing in my soul, adding his sadness in the bowl, full of suffering.
Yes. It was Evening. Hurricane feelings born in the darkness in my soul and left her together with горюии tears. All the embers of hope went out. She wouldn't pick up my flower. Never touched Her and my sufferings. For Her to see them was rather funny and tedious than bitterly, and only from a sense of decency, not to offend, she gave me this, although I understood it. She picked up my Flower, but not violated it, even though I asked Her to make a choice and do It. Flower of my soul remained lying on the road dead, Yes and wilted.
After this I have many other women, but not worth of it. When This much about it, because it's different. Saw her I then several times in the city, and where she could disappear. But it was not She. And there was more in me the love that flowered once born of it. And not one string of my soul never moved at the sight of her...
But enough of that. I so much digress from the topic and you drew. Sorry.
Chapter 10.
I quite strongly fromвлекся surrendering to the memories and увлечась story about their first love. Inexcusable relief of nostalgia.
To the devil love the hell, especially the very first. She didn't have a trace in my heart. Now I, like охромыча, many friends, with whom relations have developed quite easy and simple. We have many mutual friends girls with whom you can just have fun, to go, for example, in the bar, and then to sleep with one of them without any explanations and suffering. "Why love, why suffer, because all paths lead to bed?" — isn't it a good metaphor of contemporary folk, traditional plays? A little vulgar, little ценичная and губая, as, however, and our простодушеый and simple people, but so true.
As for our girlfriends, they don't заставилисебя wait long. Not even a week has passed since the day when we took them in the cellar, and they have already arrived at the school and began to persistently call us at the checkpoint for an explanation. They were stubborn, and had to come out and explain: "Girls, we now have a very difficult time. Sorry we are inattention!"
"Girls," "hard times" interpreted in their own way. They were прожженые, "experienced", adept in relations with курсачами before acquainted with us, and knew that such a "difficult пеиод" it was typical of the majority of cadets at the approach of a release from school. For a month or two to him our brave boys, who was not lost, of course, started to tear all ties with the local female population to not will be seen from its members had never in the future. And then began the attack girls KP, fish, подкарауливания, receptions at the school of management, tears, slander, threats won floors suddenly exacerbated to the limit. In these days of school resembled a house, salvation and hope, and his management — arbitration to bring justice and trampled honor.
Only a few students not experienced difficulties communicating with the opposite sex. Their personal secret, but they have maintained good relations until the very end, until the release, demanding nothing and no обязуя, and then went quiet, peaceful and a little sad.
Two of our girls had on us Gregory, probably, certain, and therefore, when they heard from us such explanations immediately wanted to take us to the scandal. But girlfriend урезонили them, and we said, only hinting that we'll meet again. The meeting ended peacefully, we even called them to scorn, telling a few amusing anecdotes. So they parted
But not all of them were able so мироно regulate their relations. One such poor fellow fate in a city hospital, and he lay there, "sick", not paying attention to what went final exams. With triplets still to be released, and the more he didn't have to, just to get rid of pesky claims of single ladies. And, behold, it was to go visit in the hospital, learn. How is he his health, and how long he is going to "hurt".
It was a Saturday and the commander could not get the man to send him in hospitalCthe: all who отпукали in dismissal, xhotels go in its Affairs. Who hurried to the disco, who proshvyrnutsya in a bar in a pleasant company, who descend on the city beach and who just пошататься in dark corners of the city in search of adventure. So it happened that, despite their promises, the battalion commander had to let me go in the city. For me it was the only chance to escape the каенный fence of the school. I dusted himself to visit the sick, however, aware that my chances are close to zero. But me unexpectedly was released, giving, however, twice partial time dismissal, but still it was luck.
I finally broke into the city! The "patient" I spent force for fifteen minutes, a little talked with him about the latest news from the College and passing greetings from classmates. Then we parted. He, too, where the "намыливался" slip away from the Department. Now I was free, and no one and nothing could have prevented me strive to my goals.
Fortunately, hospital, where I went , it was very close to the street, where I had to get. When I got there, it was light, and from what I remember the night орогу, it was hard to find now that house.
But all the same searches have not taken a lot of time. When the light for me appeared a picture very different from the vision of me during the night. I then thought we were with the old man in some полудом, полусарай, затервшийся the undergrowth in a dense and vast and abandoned gardens. Now I with surprise found how wrong were my view. This house was a long one-storey outbuilding that adjoined the most ridiculous way to a solid wall, high-rise building, that never was noticeable at night. The garden around was not so dense and extensive, and look now, when it was illuminated by the sun's rays, rather жидковатым and rare.
Wall of the house, which adjoined the extension old manand clad in red brick, completely was deprived of Windows and ran along the streets at a hundred, and a half meters. Height it had three floors, but the lower part of the concealed from view with green street fat the trees surrounding garden plots, broken the courts приютившихс near private houses.
Meanwhile, the construction of the interested me its origin. She's been here? After all, neither to the left nor to the right was nothing like this. And here I remembered what the old man told me to come here before dark, but all the same, posts a little hesitant at the gate, I opened it and went to the annexe.
It was tightly sealed, and where, in my opinion, had to be the door, we the fan inside, was a blank wall. However, after a lengthy examination its I found a little noticeable gap, vertically прорезавшую log, and then at a distance, roughly corresponding to the width of a door, and second. They were so narrow that they could not even put a razor blade, not to mention the fact that even open them.
I walked around extension and found the shutters. But they were closed from the inside so tight, it was impossible to прикопаться.
Passed an hour, and I could not get inside. All my attempts were vain. In the end, I decided to retire, so as not to attract undue attention neither to themselves, nor to this strange house.
"Strange a house, " said I, slowly погуливаясь the city, — I can see the old man did say that I came here after dark and not совался before dark. However, where I knew what he meant. He could tell straight, blunt, but he did not. After all, he could have simply feared that the house will be interested by those to whom it is not necessary to know where it is. So, apparently, the building stands as an abandoned, and I must find out what it is. Although they are not visible, but thousands of curious eyes every day looking for, what would such learn new, to see it. And among those few who have not применет inform about what they saw something for a gain or reckless folly".
