She sort of hinted, as if begging him for almost clear text: "Well, поведи you differently! Crucify me, I'll agree!", but he only said:
-Yes!
It was like a death sentence. It was worse sentence! Suddenly, everything that she had and had now been devalued! Its universal grief which she carried in his soul, become then in penny fun! As if nothing had happened! As if it was just a dream from which he woke her up! And she's somewhere in the depths of the soul отелось to the one who will save will deliver her to go to the sacrifice, just as it did Битлер!
But Gladyshev just came and freed her. He made it so simple, as if she did not suffer these two years, as if her soul not I from нестерпимых suffering! As if nothing had happened! Was just a dream!
Maybe it really was just a dream?!
But no, she now not like it was a dream! She somehow wanted to remember the suffering and even sadistically enjoy them, remembering how she was turned into a victim. But what did Gladyshev, turned those memories "zilch", in the garbage! They actually became something unworthy of existence! And so her life for those two years that just правалились in hell, was wasted!
It seemed that all her suffering and mental anguish, accompanied отсрым as chilli, contrast bodily pleasures, were in vain?
But as she could live with the fact that Gladyshev had taken her two years of life?! To remember them, had to suffer, to suffer further move from the oppression of one to another. And he just picked it up and all! As nothing was! He still took and of adult life brought her back to the carefree childhood, only that it is not making is not decreasing age, not removing from her memory of what she already knew about adult life. And it was the childhood of a stranger. Kids don much't allowed to know! And she knew!
Yes, there is! She was not a child! Now she will never be a child! She felt like a woman! Ain't a woman can become a child again?!
Learned husband cannot step over the line virginity! It opens the bouquet злачности, it is the spiritual seed of new knowledge about their bodies, which cannot be ignored! From that moment the woman feels that she is not a done deal, even if sensuality in it isn't up yet, it is only part of the being! And even the most exalted Masturbation, which sometimes she once entertained the nee, unable to stand it any longer accumulated inside in vain flame could not start the process of growing of cereal that trigger the penetration of her temple, alien and opposite the spirit of education — men. And it was not only that inside it in a physical sense penetrated the penis is you can simulate and mechanically, and she often it tried to do. The four lower bodies of the seven bodies human design: physical, etheric, astral and mental penetrated each other and merged, becoming the time in a single whole, forming links between them.
And she knows what now, if you could fix it, I would not know never! She experienced many men!
Yet do not know, this sounds enticing, then when it know it is even interesting appears каккая the passion for new, unknown. But when thrills wither, and you begin to feel more before ignored, feel stick together, схватыаются each other these bodies, forming a single unit, one organism, as it is written in the Bible and become one, then these links are broken, causing increasingly severe pain, passion эмоци1 that hard to appease and experiences which remain even longer — it becomes unbearable! You adjoin new body, with which your etheric, astral and mental body again immediately begin to form communication, trying to create a cocoon. And this cocoon soon again wants! And again becomes painful, shame, dreary. They also these bodies no idea why this is happening. They performed their life program, each time trying to сраститься with foreign bodies men.
Whether she is interested, as are experiencing the same thing others?! Most likely, no! she suspected that perhaps the design of these bodies varies among different women, and those who are prone to polygamy, she's some other, as if specially created for the many connections! Whether it is interesting that later on, on and after separation men experience she was слепляться for a moment?! No more! He just looked now at their расттрепанные for these two years, истасканные body, and could not understand whether they, in General, bounce back, recover.
And she wanted! She wanted to live these two years different! How? It is not yet invented! But even if invented, it would be in vain, because the time of return was impossible.
But Gladyshev now did something else. Now, after an intervention in its destiny entry point was equal to the exit point between them lay arc suffering and life, which did not belong to her.
And now thanks to Гладышеву arc this was in a strange ring. Behind was a smooth road of life ahead now there were no signs of trouble, and under feet, somewhere in the depths, like in hell, was this arc of a long two years, collapsed in the ring. And about the ring is now you can forget, nor was it at all.
It was like atonement, but differed from it, because of the atonement ask and pray to a higher power. And Gladyshev was earthly, common, Yes, she knew him first few years! And she could not now recognize him either God or messenger of God, исправившим her fate.
-Gladyshev! You're crazy! — she lurched went away from him, lifting a path взгорок Park.
-Where are you, Veronica?! — Gladyshev went after her in pursuit.
-Gladyshev! You said that I'm free?! Veronica couldn't believe that so he's talking to his deliverer. -Yes?!
-Yes! — he stopped, not walking towards her.
-And once I'm free, so I'm not bound by any obligations, including in front of you, understood? Veronica said things that didn't want to talk. At this time, she thought to herself, "Where you bear!", but nothing could help it. In her heart she was not a drop of никкой of gratitude, and she could not understand why. Something inside of her protested against the fact that, in the end, it really saved Gladyshev.
Even salvation, устронное Битлером faded amid what he did for her, this ugly-looking fellow, the same strange, whom she knew, inside out, which it even now, though he could buy it with guts, помыкала as a rag, and she was pleased to do, despite what he did to her that no one else had failed to do. But Битлеру Veronica was grateful. And Гладышеву — no.
-Right you are! — agreed Gladyshev.
-Well, that's all! — Veronica again went away.
Gladyshev and left to stand on a place, in the midst of the paths lined with red bricks. She stepped hundred feet, where hovered round like a pancake metro station. Then stopped herself in thought.
Feelings, the most incomprehensible swept over her, and she could not understand them. This man had saved her, pulled out of the pit of slavery, which, if it were not for him, she would be, perhaps, for life. She knew that no one is ever is nothing more valuable for she did in life. He released her freedom. Битлер failed to regain freedom. He only helped her to escape. And to him she was grateful. And Gladyshev return her freedom, and she could not find a single drop of gratitude.
Maybe because she loved Битлера and Gladysheva despised? And now, no doubt, she was in debt to him, but she couldn't accept that debt, because he demanded nothing, and from the material he turned into a debt invisible, impalpable, but more painful, moral.
But how repay him? Again bed? Sex?.. Gladyshev did not require such a calculation. Yes he could not demand, if he, as a самозванный Redeemer came and freed her, then all that he give her is freedom. Require only conquerors!
Битлер took her because he loved her. And Gladyshev release her because I loved her. But between love Битлера and love Gladysheva was such an abyss, from the gaze that she felt dizzy...
Veronica turned her head and went back. Gladyshev still stood on the site of гляда it is returned.
-Dima! What do I do to thank you? Veronica came over and took his hand. He looked at her and said nothing. -Dima?! "she asked again, looking him in the eye. -What do you think I like?
-Yes! — he answered. And I want you to be near me!
Veronica sighed:
-Dima, you saved me! And I should thank you! I should travel along the carpet in front of you, I should lick your feet but I can't! Why, you know?!
Dima just stood and looked at her. Somewhere in the depths of the soul Veronica catching the adoring look and took it. But now she was not the girl that could завибрировать as a string in the form of this view, which it would be nice that a boy so in love with her. She was now worldly woman, with all the subtle being carnal pleasures friends and foes, and this made her more Mature, older, and maybe even older, not a body — soul. And he was the same young мальчикрм. The same passionate дурашкой, which took about ten million dollars and paid for her life, not leaving himself, навнерное, nothing...
-But I don't love you! she said Veronica. -I would like you to love! The truth is the truth! I would very much like to me love you for real! But I can't! I just can't find in my soul, and sparks of love, the flame to light it, you know?!
-Who do you love?! "he asked her.
Veronica thought, see searching within yourself the answer to this question.
-I do not know, until recently, this is all I loved yourself! Unlikely, Dima, I loved someone else! In fact, I do no longer loved him! But now I am such a dirty, all истасканная! Veronica began to cry.
Dima held her to him, hugged and held her for a long time, until Veronica shook violently in his arms. She even thought it was warm and cozy, stand in the midst of a winter garden in his arms, that she for a moment forgotten. And this минуточка seemed like an eternity, such a blessed and happy, like in childhood.
Suddenly she stopped shaking and started:
-Dima! But I don't love you! — she looked intently into his eyes, like she read in them all his thoughts.
But then suddenly turned and went away.
If he now did not follow her!
She begged him that he had not followed her. Because, actually, she had no place to go, in Moscow, without money. Now, when she was free thought, sometimes visited her before that she would go home on foot, now it somehow not вхохновляла. And покапризничав still a few turns and then, she would have returned to him, said: "Dima! Forgive me, fool!" — and would have dropped to their knees before him, not because was grateful, but because we had to live on.
But Gladyshev again staggered towards her.
"Fool! — with anger выругалась Veronica. -Apparently, you have not learned to treat me as a woman!"
She stopped, and as he drew near, she said:
"Okay, " walk me to the station! I'll go ahead! Buy me a ticket! Put on the train!
He silently listened to her, ready for anything. But it all ended for him at the Kiev station. And Veronica saw that he will agree to do so! That he had, if he paid for it "mother" ten million dollars!
She took him by the hand, and led me in the subway, then referral and forty-five minutes later they were at the Kiev station.
Here, as always was kind of a crowd. Queue to the ticket office was crowded
-Go there! — she showed him to the Parking commercially taxi. -Ask Garik! He'll help you get a ticket without problems! Take me couchette car!
Gladyshev looked at her, as if someone wanted and could not ask, and Veronica replied, reading as if his thoughts:
"I'll go one! Take a ticket, встретмся here!
He sadly, no interest, resignedly went to the taxi drivers, and Veronica remained standing on the spot, trying to understand why she's such a bitch.
No, her life has taught me to be docile with men, but why is it to Gladysheva remained the same? Maybe because he still is a Гладышевым?
Half an hour later Dima found her. He was with the ticket. With one!
"God! When you learn to understand a woman!" — thought to herself, Veronica.
If Gladyshev came with two tickets in the AFTERNOON, she — she gave him a wonderful night, and, perhaps, become forever.
But he came with the ticket in economy class! With one!
"Fool!" — evil thought Veronica.
The train started. Gladyshev was somewhere in the dark apron, beyond reality.
Train gained course. Outside the window was dark and the cold, in which floated by Moscow neighborhoods where they lived, were invisible, like ants, thousands of people, whom her fate is not interested in exactly the same way as them.
Suddenly Veronica drew a look inside yourself.
Prayer! If she now thoroughly prayed, she would have pointed the way in which it will be right to go further! But she never learned how to pray! Prayer kept her life, and she knew that prayer is not эфимерный set of words that only the key to the door, it is something living, living, strangely enough, even inside of her, the one she now cease to love and couldn't love again. She was with her always just Veronika didn't know that. Prayer was what kept its life in all debacles, it was a magic door to another fairy-tale world, deliverance from all опостылившего her, but she couldn't find her way.
Veronica knew she must somehow find the strength and love yourself again that she was now dirty and corrupted woman. And then, perhaps, her life would be different. But how was it done? Love yourself such was like to love Gladysheva! And it was not-who-can-but!
"It is strange! "she thought. Again some de жавю! As if this is not the time with me!"
Then she ordered quietly, but firmly: "Not tear his heart, Veronica!"
1995-2009's.
End. To be continued...
