This Is How It Goes

~ — ~ — ~

"You shoulda let me hit him," Faith grumbled. She sent a half-hearted kick in Buffy's direction.

"Giles?" Buffy asked, blocking it.

"Him, too, but I meant that little shit from the Council. What the hell kind of pansy name is 'Quentin' anyway? I hope he got his head shoved into a toilet every day in high school," Faith said irritably, her punch a little harder in her anger.

It was the afternoon of the same day. Faith had stopped by after school was over and she and Buffy were in the library, gently sparring. Buffy was already stronger, and the supernatural strength and power coursing through her gave her an indescribable sense of satisfaction, of rightness. She wasn't up to her full strength, but going through the motions still felt good. She recalled all of her earlier wishes to be "normal," to be just like the other girls, and decided to officially renounce normalcy forever. She'd rather be abnormal than helpless.

Buffy smirked and dodged the punch. "I think they probably do something else in England. Like, rubberband his suspenders, 'cause he was obviously born with those on. Or rub beans on toast into his hair." She snorted skeptically. "Why anyone put beans on bread in the first place is something that needs a hefty explanation, though."

Faith stopped sparring completely. She was looking at Buffy with a disbelieving anger. "Why are you treating this like some kinda big joke, B? They fucking poisoned you. Giles betrayed you, and locked you in some condemned house with a crazy vampire and you're all 'forgive and forget, let's be bestest friends again.'" Her voice grew bitter, louder.

Buffy stopped too, staring at Faith. Her smile was gone, her eyes narrowed irately. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"Sure fucking looks like it," Faith said curtly. The air was abruptly tighter around them. Like many conversations with Faith, this one had taken an unexpected turn. They stood a couple of feet apart, staring each other down. "I swear to God, B," Faith said, shaking her head in contemptuous frustration and sneering, "you give up so much to people that don't deserve it."

"I'm not giving anything up to him," Buffy responded, trying to keep her voice even.

"Not yet," Faith snapped. "But I know you. You're gonna jump straight back into that naОve little mindset. You're gonna trust him again, even after he pulled that shit."

"If he earns it back," Buffy said shortly.

Faith let out a short bark of mirthless laughter. "If he earns it? What the hell does that mean? When he gets a gold star for not trying to murder you?" She curled her lip up in disgust. "Some people shouldn't be able to earn it back, B."

Buffy peered at her searchingly, brow furrowed. The growing anger inside of her at Faith's accusations was temporarily eclipsed by curiosity. "Why are you getting so mad?"

Faith looked slightly taken aback and then stared at her incredulously. "Why am I getting so mad?" she repeated. "Why aren't you?"

Buffy frowned, considering the question. "Because some things are more important. Because I know how much he gave up for me. I just — I know him."

"Obviously not as well as you think you do," Faith sneered.

Buffy narrowed her eyes, thinking furiously. "Are you having a hissy fit because of what Giles did, or because he did it to me?" She frowned pensively, pursing her lips. "Or possibly both."

Faith's face went rigid. "What are you, my fucking shrink?" she asked sardonically, but there something false and shaking in her voice. "Get the hell out of my head, B."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "You started this little Freudian session."

Faith glared at her. "I don't understand you sometimes, B," she said, sneering slightly and ignoring Buffy's last statement. "If Giles had done that shit to me ... I don't know." She shook her head violently. "Yesterday, when he fessed up ..." she stopped talking, swallowing.

"What?" Buffy asked softly.

"I wanted to kill him," Faith said suddenly, her face full of terrifyingly cold anger. Buffy blinked at her statement, inhaling sharply. "If you hadn't been there ... I think I would have."

Buffy didn't respond at first, still absorbing the level of fury in Faith's voice. "Faith -" she started softly.

"Don't — don't try to talk me down with some bullshit," Faith snarled. "You almost died, Buffy!" she said loudly, suddenly, her voice breaking. Her eyes were still tight with anger, but there was another emotion underneath that made them glint. "I — I couldn't find you, couldn't do fucking anything except sit here with my thumb up my ass!" Her face was twisted in pain and rage.

Buffy's stomach curled painfully watching Faith. Watching the other girl recall her own helplessness at the same time Buffy was experiencing it.

"I know," Buffy said, her voice quiet but forceful. "I know exactly what you were feeling, Faith." She walked forward slowly, holding Faith's agitated, furious gaze. "But I didn't die. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"You can't tell me that," Faith said harshly. "You can't blindly put yourself in the hands of a bunch of assholes and tell me nothing bad's gonna happen."

"No," Buffy said heatedly, giving into her sudden flare of anger. "No, you don't get to put me in some box because you're scared. Stop treating me like some naОve little girl who needs to be protected. You know nothing about me if you think I trust blindly."

Faith's mouth tightened and she averted her eyes, having the grace to look slightly ashamed. There were several moments where Buffy felt her heart return to its normal pace, her blood stop racing.

"I understand, okay?" Buffy said quietly. "I understand why you're afraid. I am too." She sighed. "But stop pretending that we can control everything. Shit's always going to be there to hit the fan, and when it does, we'll deal." Buffy moved forward and lifted her hand hesitantly, cupping Faith's cheek. Faith shuddered a little, but didn't draw away. Buffy traced a line along Faith's cheekbone with her thumb and the brunette turned her head, meeting her gaze. Buffy saw the fire in her eyes receding, the rigidity of her face softening.

"You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?" Faith said softly.

"It's mutual, trust me," Buffy responded flatly.

Faith's brow furrowed. "I want to," she said quietly, earnestly, responding to the second part of Buffy's statement. Buffy's chest constricted painfully at her tone, at the way the other girl was looking at her. "That's the idea, ain't it?"

"Yeah," Buffy whispered.

Faith leaned forward and kissed her. Soft, open-mouthed, melting into the heat and warmth of each other. Buffy's hand was still cupping Faith's cheek, holding her as they kissed. It was chaste and sweet and all the right kinds of comforting. Buffy thought distantly that all of her arguments with Faith should end like this, with physical reassurance.

"Buffy?" a voice suddenly asked faintly. "Are you there?"

Buffy pulled away from Faith sharply to see Giles stepping out of his office, his expression turning into one of uncomfortable surprise as he registered the two girls' intimate positions.

"Oh," he said quietly. "I — I'm sorry for interrupting."

"You should be," Faith snapped, glaring at him, some of the simmering anger returning to her eyes. Buffy quickly stepped in front of her, getting between them and smiling disarmingly at Giles, who was looking more than a little wary.

"No, it's fine, Giles," she said.

She twisted her head slightly to catch Faith's attention, who was mumbling obscenities under her breath.

"Faith?" Buffy asked quietly. "Don't you have to go pee?"

"What?" Faith asked sharply, confused, and then opened her mouth in comprehension as Buffy continued to look at her plaintively. "Oh. Yeah, sure, I guess I could do that." She shot another glare at Giles before walking towards the exit. As Faith sauntered out the door, Buffy knew she was deliberately swaying her hips more, trying to claim her attention. Buffy snapped her gaze away from the other Slayer's ass as Giles walked over to her.

"I — I just wanted to tell you I found another book to help you with your history course," Giles said quietly.

"Thanks," Buffy said, smiling, and swinging her arm in a "gee golly" movement. "That Tom. He's a character."

"Yes, quite," Giles said distractedly. "I, uh, I don't mean to pry, Buffy, but is there something you'd like to tell me?" he asked, peering at her pointedly.

Buffy felt her heart thump erratically. "Uh — what are you — do you mean — no?" Buffy's level of suave obviously needed help.

"I mean, is there something between you and Faith that has unequivocally not escaped my notice over the past month?" he asked, smiling gently.

"Oh. That," Buffy said, breathing out a weak laugh. "We're kind of ... actually, I'm not sure what we are. Girlfriends would probably be the most accurate term. But feel free to not use it, or remember anything about this conversation," she said brightly.

Giles grasped her shoulder, gave her an affectionate smile. "I assure you, Buffy, I'm happy that you've found someone who won't, how do I phrase this delicately ... sporadically turn into a soulless psychopath. She seems very loyal to you." He frowned, looking pained. "And not particularly happy with me at the moment, I gather."

Buffy looked at him a little warily, a little suspiciously. "The girl-on-girl thing doesn't bother you? You are kind of ... advanced. And tweedy."

Giles adopted an expression equivalent to Buffy rolling her eyes. "Thank you for that vote of confidence," he said sarcastically, and then grew more serious. "Buffy, the only thing that truly matters in these situations is happiness. And, since Faith seems to make you happy, I can only offer my support and blessing."

Buffy smiled widely and unabashedly. "She does. Make me happy, I mean." She frowned a little. "Of course, she can also infuriate me. And confuse me. And make me cry."

"Ah, the wide emotional range of teenage love," Giles said, shaking his head. "Remind me to savor my advanced tweedy state."

Buffy grinned sheepishly. Faith chose that moment to swagger back in, giving them both a dirty look. She walked over to them and Buffy grasped her hand, lacing their fingers together, trying to reassure her. Faith shot Giles another cold glare, possibly less intense this time now that Buffy was stroking her hand, but Giles merely nodded at her, adopting a small, placating smile. Buffy felt a surge of vivid happiness as Faith raised a skeptical eyebrow but smoothed out her antagonistic, rigid expression.

Chapter 18: Fuck the Man

Author's Notes:

Happiness was not the most prominent emotion in Buffy's mind the following week. Her strength returned, and the feeling of being able to punch through concrete again was beyond sublime, but that was about the only bright spot. Well, that and patrolling with Faith, which wasn't so much "patrolling" as not finding any vampires, making out and copping a feel whenever possible.

Buffy walked into the library on Friday, exhausted after two tests, a physics lab, and a general feeling of academic overload, and was confronted with a distinctly unhappy Giles and a strange man in a suit unloading books onto the table. Craptastic, she thought morosely.

"I have to admit, Mr. Giles, I'm a tad surprised that you don't have Oliphent's Paranormal Encyclopedia," the man was saying in a superior tone, his face buried in the box.

"Elephant's Encyclopedia?" Buffy asked. "God, Giles, what is our library coming to when we don't have important books like that?"

The man straightened up, adjusting his tie, and strode over to Buffy with his hand outstretched and a wide smile.

"Buffy. It's a pleasure to meet you." Buffy stared at his hand circumspectly for several moments before he coughed and withdrew it. "I am Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, and I'll be your new Watcher," he said proudly.

Buffy looked at Giles and raised her eyebrow questioningly. Giles sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling, saying irritably, "Yes, I'm afraid so."

"So, Wesley, is it?" Buffy asked, and Wesley nodded. "What exactly does this alleged 'Watcher' job entail?"

He looked flustered. "I — I assumed Mr. Giles here had been your Watcher for quite some time. I thought you would be familiar with my responsibilities."

"Not really," Buffy said innocently, shrugging. "I mean, Giles would suggest that, for example, I go stop a demon cult from ushering in the apocalypse, but if I had too much homework or a date or a bad hair day, he would understand."

Wesley looked taken aback for several moments, but then smiled in a knowing, self-satisfied way that made Buffy want to punch him in the face. "Ah, yes. I suppose I'm a little like the surrogate professor that everyone finds necessary to taunt." His brow furrowed. "However, I feel obliged to tell you that I won't tolerate that kind of behavior from you in the future."

"How much in the future? A minute from now?" Buffy asked sweetly.

Wesley gave her a stern look which had absolutely no effect. Buffy walked over to Giles, who was sitting on the table with an aggravated expression, smoothed out her skirt and sat next to him. She whispered in a voice that carried clearly around the room, "Is he permanent?"

"As permanent as those godforsaken weeds that pop up in everyone's bloody lawns," Giles answered exasperatedly, not even bothering with the stage whisper.

Wesley glared at both of them. They stared back, Buffy with a saccharinely innocent look, and Giles derisive and annoyed.

The doors opened and Faith swaggered in with her customary tight leather pants, shit-kicker boots, and tight white sleeveless shirt. She saw Buffy and Giles' expressions and stopped, registering who else was in the room.

"New Watcher?" she asked, sneering slightly and looking at Wesley like he was a well-dressed cockroach.

"New Watcher," Giles answered resignedly.

Faith gave a short, mirthless laugh, walked across the room in several long strides, and grabbed Buffy's hand.

"Fuck that," she said, and began to drag Buffy out the door.

Buffy shrugged at Wesley's incensed, departing face. "She's very opinionated," she said, repressing her laughter as Faith opened the doors.

They walked into the empty hallway holding hands, both grinning widely.

"That was shameless," Buffy said happily.

"Shame is for lesser people, B," Faith answered, smirking dangerously. "We answer to higher gods. Like teenage hormones and bathroom quickies."

Buffy's eyes widened and she dug in her heels as Faith ignored her attempts and continued to drag her. "Faith," she whispered frantically. "We can't — no bathrooms!"

Faith turned around abruptly, put her hands on Buffy's hips and brought their bodies and mouths securely together. Buffy had time for one undignified squeak before Faith's tongue was doing obscenely enjoyable things to her mouth.