Deadtired

It all came to this though, Mem, with forty-two of her siblings in the throne room. She couldn't remember ever seeing this much of her family in one place before. It was a lot of Mantises all in one place and a lot of pent up anger, hungry tummies, sharp scythes, and heaps of trouble all waiting for Mem not to be paying attention.

"Okay everyone!" Mem said. Then she repeated herself... and then she said it again but louder.

"Hey! Idiots!" Rem roared. "Shut up! Mem's talking. Tin, stop making that noise, Ash, I will burn you if you don't put away that torch. Sap, shut up!"

Mem glanced at Rem, then felt a nice warm and fuzzy feeling in her tummy. Rem was helping! Just because she could! She did care!

"Mem! Stop looking at me stupid," Rem snapped.

"Oh, right! Mem wants to thank all of her sisters for being here," she said. "But now it's time for some serious work. Mem was given orders by Mister Harold."

That got everyone's attention. Her sisters hadn't spent too much time around Mister Harold yet, but he'd left an impression already. It wasn't just because he was strong, like some of them had seen in that fight in this very room. It was more than that. The undead had a... feel to him.

It was weird. It tasted like something Mem had tasted before, but a long time ago, something she'd forgotten. It was a taste that she knew she was afraid of, though, and she suspected that her sisters all felt the same way about Mister Harold, because when he said something, they listened.

If mentioning Mister Harold to scare her sisters is what it took, then Mem was ready to mention him all day long.

"Mister Harold doesn't want to kill any more of us, but only if we listen," Mem said. She gestured to the side, to a part of the throne room which was very clean. Alex, standing not too far away, straightened. The maid had done a very good job with that part of the floor. "Remember what happened to Pop?"

Her sisters shuddered.

"That's right. But Mister Harold is nice, even if he's bones. And he said that you should listen to me, Mem." Mem nodded to her sisters and tried to carry herself with the dignity of an officer. She turned towards the portal, almost tripped over her own feet, then regained her balance to point at the portal. "We're going to go through this portal and meet Miss Limpet. She is very nice, and has a nice dog."

"Dog?" Eat asked.

"We are not going to snack on Miss Limpet's dog," Mem said.

"Boo! Boo I say!" Eat shouted. Next to her, Boo joined in as well, more out of principle than anything.

Mem stomped a foot down. "No. Fang the dog is a nice dog. No eating him. Also, no eating any humans unless Mister Harold says it's okay."

"The undead are alright to fight," Rem added. "But they don't taste good. Also, that undead is mine. No eating the stupid maid!" Rem pointed at Alex with a scythe. The maid blinked at the sudden attention, then defaulted to curtseying to the group of mantises looking her way.

"Okay," Mem said. "Rem, you come in last with Maid Alex. I'll go in the portal first to make sure it's safe and ready on the other side."

"Hmph, are you trying to be brave?" Rem asked.

"Yes, is it working?" Mem asked.

Rem made a so-so gesture by wiggling her scythe arm. It was better than nothing! Mem was actually quite proud of herself and her progress lately.

"Okay, Mem's going in the portal now... bye."

Mem stepped up to the portal. It was very swirly and scary, but she took a deep breath, then stepped into it. The world went warp-warp and voom-swoosh and colours went spinny all around her, then Mem was stumbling out of the portal on the other side and was... outside?

She looked around herself, and it only took a moment for her to recognize the pavilions and pretty buildings as that sect they'd taken over in Yu Xiang, she couldn't remember its name. But she did remember the name of the person blinking at her from a few steps away. "Miss Limpet!"

"Mem?" the limpet asked. "Mem! It's nice to see you! Master Harold said that he was sending some people over via portal, but he never explained whom."

"Yes, it's Mem," Mem confirmed.

And then she froze as the Limpet ran up to her and hugged her.

Mem didn't move. If she did, she might cut the Limpet on accident. But that didn't mean that she didn't enjoy the hug anyway. It was very nice and warm and the Limpet's clothes were soft and she smelled like friend and also like Fang the dog.

"Mem is happy to see you," Mem said truthfully.

"And I'm happy to see you too," the Limpet said. She smiled as she backed out of the hug and let her arms drop. "Sorry, that was a little inappropriate, but I've been eagerly awaiting... well, anyone that I know."

Mem looked back and past the Limpet. There were lots of skeletons around, standing in a line along the edges of the courtyard. "Are these your friends?"

"These? No, they're soldiers. We're raising an army here. Or Seventeen is, in any case." The Limpet looked past Mem and to the portal. "Are you the only one coming back?"

"No, Mem is bringing her sisters here too. Mem thinks that maybe Mister Harold wants Mem's sisters to help you with your war?" Mem asked. She really wasn't sure.

"Oh! So Rem and another?" the Limpet asked.

"Yes. And another, and another. And then... forty more others."

"Forty... how many of your sisters are coming?" the Limpet asked sounding a bit faint.

"Forty two, plus Mem and Rem," Mem said. "It's a lot of sisters."

The Limpet's mouth formed a little 'o' and she made a squeaky noise that Mem wasn't sure was a good thing. "I... I don't know if I have accommodations for that many."

"Mem's sisters don't all know much beyond living in the mountains. Any room should be nice as long as there's food. Actually... Mem thinks there should be lots of food, because if her sisters get hungry, then they might go looking for food. There's still living humans around, yes?"

"A city-full," the Limpet said.

Mem winced. "Mem's sisters would like that."

"I can't have your sisters eat the people of Yu Xiang! They're taxpayers!

"Then can Mem's sisters eat the taxes?" Mem asked.

"No!" the Limpet said, horrified. "No, they'll be eating into my revenue, but... look, can you delay their arrival? I prepared some food here, but not enough for forty-plus of you. I need to contact the local butchers... do they have a guild? Oh heavens, this is going to be a lot."

"Mem is sorry!" Mem said.

"No, no, it's fine. We'll figure it out, Mem, we'll figure it out. At the very least, your sisters are pretty good fighters. I'm sure we can convince them to be worth the effort it'll take to feed them all... I hope."

Mem hoped so too.

* * *

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Chapter Thirty-Five — Matronly Maid

Chapter Thirty-Five — Matronly Maid

Alex had been given a solemn mission by his boniest of fathers. Go with Mem, and make sure she and her many siblings were settled.

Alex didn't expect this to be anything but hard. Mem herself was kindly and nice, but also sometimes a little slow to understand and a bit... well, it wasn't kind to say, so Alex decided to refrain from even thinking it. Suffice to say that Mem was a nice young woman.

Rem was a troublesome person to work with, but Alex felt like they knew each other well enough now that they could be coworkers. Perhaps not the greatest of coworkers, but there was always an understandable amount of rivalry between a maid and a butler. It was to be expected, and it wasn't necessarily harmful as long as chores got done.

Now, these two served as the baseline for the level of difficulty Alex knew that the other mantises would pose. Alex was unsurprised to learn that Mem and Rem were actually some of the more even-tempered and easy to work with members of their family.

The sect had plenty of rooms to house all of the mantises. Alex numbered the rooms for convenience, and immediately found trouble when Mem's sibling One didn't want to have room seven, and then Six refused room four. Two got the second room, but Two hated the number two with a burning passion and was quite cross about it.

Alex had just finished sorting that out when she discovered a mantis, dead, in the pantry. It was, apparently, a mantis called Ded. This wasn't the first to have that name, confusingly. It was apparently a fairly common one in their family, passed on frequently.

This was, at least, what the three mantises who promised to help her solve the case said. Det, Tec and Tiv turned out to be more trouble than help. They kept making grand statements and accusations, linking random factoids about people they saw with the crime scene.

Det was certain that the murderer had to be a cook, because the death happened in a pantry. She bet her favourite pipe on it.

Tec insisted that Ded's death was natural. Mantises called Ded never made it long and this one was overdue to die.

Tiv wondered aloud whether they had done the murder themselves and just forgot about it. She offered up her deerstalker to anyone who could prove that she hadn't done it.

Alex discovered that Ded had found and eaten an entire package of rat poison they'd found in the pantry. Their face was still covered in powder and the crushed package was in their scythes.

Alex dragged the body in the cellar and left a note to Seventeen about it. The necromancer would be able to do something with that. It wasn't a maid's job to raise the dead, just to ensure that their remains are well tended to.

Once all the mantises were sorted, Alex ensured that they'd be fed and watered, as a good host ought to. Unfortunately, as the only maid in a household with dozens of guests, Alex had to entrust some of the work unto others. That meant hiring catering and cleaning services from the community, and conscripting some of the undead to distribute food to the mantises directly.

Alex was worried that the locals might end up as lunch while delivering lunch, which would be wholly unacceptable. The mantises weren't civilised just yet, though, and so certain concessions had to be made.

Unfortunately, Alex didn't have the time to train them all. It had taken Rem weeks to get where she was now, and Alex suspected it would take years more for Rem to be able to sit down at a table and have a polite meal with someone.

Alex had to go, however. The maid did what could be done, then said goodbye to the Limpet who didn't seem to want to let go when it was time for goodbye hugs. "Do you have to leave?" she asked as she pressed her face into the crook of Alex's neck.

"I'm afraid so, yes," Alex said. "Daddy needs me by his side, and I intend to be there, as a dutiful maid ought. But don't worry, I know that Daddy has been preparing things to make your life easier?"

"By sending me forty-odd mantises with no manners?" the Limpet asked.

"One died!"

The Limpet didn't seem very reassured about it.

"He's also secured the help of some mountain dwarves. If not military aid, then at least they'll likely be open to trade with. I don't know too much about the dwarven economy, but I think they appreciate alcohol."

"Hmm, we do have some of that here, I think. I'll see if I can't buy up a lot of it before the local merchants hear about the trade. We might be able to tax it at the gate if Master Harold is planning on leaving this portal up as a means to trade with them. It can act as a toll. Oh, and we can let it slip to other merchants from towns nearby, and the Lave Fist sect might be keen to get some dwarven-made things. They're good with metallurgy, aren't they?"

"I think so," Alex agreed while hiding a private little smile from the Limpet. She'd do alright if her first instinct on hearing this kind of news was to try and see how to best profit from it.

After another hug, Alex wished the Limpet a good day and stepped back into the portal.

In a blink, Alex was back in the mantis' den. Or former den, as the case might be. It felt a lot more still and quiet without all the mantises present.

The only person here now was Alex's bone daddy. He was sitting on that large throne, right on the very edge of it with an elbow on his knees and a strange object in his other hand which he was carefully inspecting.

Alex approached and stood a respectful distance away, hands folded just-so and skirts settling properly. The Bone Master's eyes glowed slightly brighter for a fraction of a second, acknowledging Alex's presence, but he didn't seem ready to speak just yet.

That was fine. A maid's job was to be available, and so Alex would remain so until the master required otherwise.

It took some five minutes or so before the Osteodaddy changed his sitting position and raised the object up. "What does this look like to you?" he asked.

Alex eyed the thing. It looked like a small wooden case, about a handspan long and wide and half as tall. There was an intricate clasp on the front made of filigreed silver. Tiny skulls were etched into the sides of the case all around the edge of it, and the metal parts were carefully worked to resemble a skull with a closed mouth. The clasp was at the jaws, and Alex supposed that the skull's mouth would open as the lock was undone. "It looks like a small case, maybe for jewellery," Alex said.

"Hmm hmm, that's an accurate enough guess," he said.

Alex leaned forwards slightly. "It's decorated. Skulls and silver over a darker wood. Very much the style Bone Father would employ, I think. Subtle but rich, without being ostentatious."

He nodded. "It's one of mine, yes." Turning the box around, he pulled the skull's mouth open and then inserted the tip of a finger into the keyhole. A twist of his wrist and the clasp clicked satisfyingly.

The box opened.

Within was a velvety cushion, deep red with three groves. One of these, the middlemost, was occupied by an oval device. Brass worked around a central gem with a row of tiny vacuum tubes sticking out of it.

It felt like Alex's dad. "Is that one of your souls?" Alex asked.

"It is indeed," he replied. "And as you can no doubt tell, there's room for more. These are models seven, eight and nine." He tapped the phylactery in the centre, which had an eight engraved onto it.

"Did you sense the seventh and ninth?" Alex asked.

"Not around here, no," he replied before clacking the box shut. "Which of course begs the question; where exactly are they if not here? I sensed that one, at least, was with the Mantis Queen, and her level of strength did indicate years of syphoning off the top. She was supplementing that, of course. A steady diet of cultivators, dwarves, likely her own children."

Alex wasn't sure who the Mantis Queen was, they wished they knew so that they could better keep up with the conversation.