Portal

"Sarah!"

Buffy whirled to look behind herself, her blonde hair twirling into her eyes, her erection swinging solidly with her. There was no one there, but Faith was already rushing over, a huge smile on her face.

"What are you doing here and why are you skulking around in the yard?"

"Um..."

"Come here, you!"

Faith's arms were spread wide as she came in fast for a hug, but Buffy backed up quickly, keeping the bushes between her sister-Slayer and herself. Faith frowned at the evasive maneuver.

"Hey girlfriend, what's wrong? Sarah?"

The brunette's concern was obvious as she stared at the Californian, the Californian who at the moment felt like she was from Mars...which would technically make her a "Marsonian".

"Why do you keep calling me 'Sarah'?"

"Why do I keep call...Because that's your name. S, are you feeling okay?"

Buffy stayed where she was, her erection stiffening as Faith's bikini top shifted just enough to allow a little more breast to expose itself.

"And since when do you call me 'S'? Is that for 'Slayer'?"

"'Slayer'? S is for Sarah or even Smidge if ya wanna go there. Look, it's wicked hot out. Let's get you into the house and cooled off. I'll call Jr. and he can..."

"Spike? Why in the hell would you call Spike?"

Faith tried edging closer, but Buffy slid away, making sure to keep some distance between them.

"He's your husband."

"I'm not married to Spike!"

"Freddie, Sarah, Freddie Prinze. Sweet guy you got hitched to."

Buffy tried to remember.

"Chino and the Man? Isn't he dead?"

Faith moved quickly, lunging for and capturing the slender girl's sinewy arm. Her grip was strong, but nowhere near full Slayer strength, and somehow that lack of force put the ex-cheerleader at ease...at least as much as she could be under the circumstance.

"I think maybe you've got some sunstroke or something. Just come inside with me and we'll figure out who to call."

"We need to call Giles, he'll know what to do."

"Giles? Uh yeah, right...of course. We'll call Giles just as soon as we get you settled."

She linked their hands together and hauled a reluctant Buffy out of the bushes as she headed towards the house. It was tough for Buffy to keep up because every step rubbed her hard penis against her soft pants, and unfortunately trailing behind Faith as her ass bounced and peeked out of her bikini bottoms with every step, made Buffy's own progress increasingly difficult.

They entered the house through the French doors that led out onto the pool deck, and it took just a second for Buffy's eyes to adjust to the change in light.

"Okay, just sit right here, maybe take off your top."

Faith flipped a switch and the ceiling fan began rotating.

"I'll lower the thermostat and get you something to drink and a cold rag. Just sit tight."

Buffy plopped down on the sofa, instantly grabbing a pillow to place over her bulging crotch. She hollered out after the Boston Girl:

"Don't forget the phone so we can call Giles!"

"I'm on it. Be right back."

Buffy looked around at her surroundings, impressed by the casual elegance mixed with the earthy touches. It was comfortable, true, but it was classy too, and Buffy knew at a glance that Faith was crashing at some Sugar Daddy's house. The whole thing disgusted her, but then she had no idea where she was or how she'd gotten there, so perhaps judging Faith shouldn't really be on her agenda at the moment. She had bigger problems, like what seemed to be a man package in her soft, stonewashed pants.

Faith came back into the room carrying a couple of bottles of Gatorade, one orange and one blue. She sat down next to the Bewildered Blonde and held up Dr. Cade's invention.

"Which one? And you've got to drink the whole thing."

Buffy took the orange one; it was the only flavor she liked. She was thirsty, but her confusion was what was bothering her the most...well, except for the previously mentioned man package in her previously mentioned soft, stonewashed blue jean pants. The whole idea was freaking her out and she lashed out much more harshly than she'd intended to when Faith laid the cold rag on the back of her neck.

"So whose house are we in? Some random guy you picked up last night?"

Faith's face revealed her shock at the comment.

"Damn, thanks for calling me a whore. This is my house, Sarah, bought and paid for with my own money. Granted, I call it: 'The House That Buffy Built', but I did work hard for it, you know?"

Buffy looked at her like she was Faith, the Crazy Chosen One.

"Xander's the carpenter, and I think you'd better drink the other Gatorade. You're not making much sense and it was you who was dancing around in the sun when I got here."

Faith's worry was plain to see, but she opened up her bottle of Electrolyte Replenisher and took a huge swig.

"I'm drinking mine, your turn now."

Buffy took a small sip, unwilling to consume too much liquid because the idea of peeing through a penis seemed pretty daunting. Would she sit or stand? She didn't know and she didn't want to find out.

"Hey!"

Faith's expression was stern:

"You've got to drink it all, so don't make me get rough with you."

Buffy instantly bristled.

"Don't threaten me, Faith. I'm not in the mood and you know I can kick your ass any time I want to."

The dark-haired woman laughed.

"Yeah, you're a real tough guy. What are you — like 99 pounds soaking wet?"

"What I am, Faith, is the Head Slayer, so stop being stupid before I lose my temper."

The hostility in her voice was obvious and Faith broke into a slow smile that soon took over her whole face.

"Okay, I get it now. You're punking me, right? Where's the cameras?"

She stood up, looking around expectantly.

"Come on, Kutcher! This makes twice you've punked me, and I think I've been a good sport about it both times."

"I have no idea what 'punking you' means, but if you don't sit down and stop talking to non-existent people, I'm going to start punching you."

Faith waved off her threat and began stomping around angrily.

"You've got three seconds to show yourself, Scumbag, or you can forget about me giving you permission to use this footage! I'm not kidding, I'll call my lawyer. Get out here...now!!!"

"Faith, I'm not going to tell you again to sit down."

The Southie Homeowner's anger quickly turned to fear when she realized that no one else was there and the situation was no gag. Buffy saw her terror and wrongly assumed that Faith was scared of her, thereby making an ass of herself.

Yeah, she'd better be scared because I am in no mood and my testosterone level must be off the charts.

But the main thing that Buffy noticed was that her erection, which had pretty much deflated, was now a solid chubby and well on its way to becoming a full-blown woody. Her pants were uncomfortably tight again, and as Faith sat back down next to her, Buffy shifted looking for some relief.

Note to self: Aggressive, angry Faith is still all kinds of hot.

Buffy finished up her Gatorade when the other girl stared pointedly at the bottle, then looked for a place to sit it down. The Drink Server took the flimsy, empty, 84% recycled plastic bottle of Thirst Quencher from the Elder Chick's hand.

"Do you think you can drink another one?"

She decided to pacify the Once Again Delusional Formerly Rogue Slayer.

"I'm feeling much better now. Let's wait a few minutes, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. So why don't I make some calls and..."

Faith leaned over Buffy to grab the cordless phone, her breasts rubbing against the pillow on the blonde's lap. And oh Sweet Fancy Moses...

Buffy's new addition swelled and became rock hard just like that, skipping the various stages on the Erection Chart to head right to "Big Monster Boner." It took every bit of her willpower not to push Faith's back down into the pillow and begin thrusting up against her.

"Shit. I think forgot to put it in the charger."

She began squirming as she peered intently at the phone, pushing various buttons, including Buffy's, while sprawling across the Golden Girl's Hard-On Cover, cleverly disguised as a common throw pillow.

"Okay, not really a problem, so much as a snafu. We can just use the phone in my..."

Her breasts rubbed and pressed with delicious pressure again as she leaned heavily on the pillow in order to reach the charger. Buffy moaned loudly, biting down on her lip to stifle the noise that had already escaped, and Faith instantly sat up. Her thick brown hair fell softly into her eyes, and she brushed the wavy tresses aside and leaned in, her face way too close to Buffy's for comfort.

"Sarah, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"...No, I..."

"Hold still."

Faith's hands began examining Buffy's body slowly and gently with slow, gentle touches and strokes, and Buffy felt like she was going to explode. She stood up fast, jerking away from Faith's exploration, careful to keep her back to her.

"I'm fine."

"You don't feel hot, but maybe we should take your temperature to see if it's high."

"I'm not hot, I just need to use the bathroom."

Faith chuckled.

"Oh, sorry, I guess I was leaning on your bladder. Just go right down the hall, it's the last door on the left. Why don't you take a cold shower while you're in there? Towels are in the closet."

"I said I'm fine, Faith."

Buffy headed for the bathroom, the huge and stiff log between her legs making her walk with a weird, mincing swagger.

"Right. So is that why you're walking like Helo?"

"Who-o?"

"Helo from BSG."

Buffy shook her head and kept moving.

"Right, that totally clears it up."

"You don't watch Battlestar? Woulda thought Freddie'd be all over that show."

Buffy muttered to herself: "What kind of stupid name is 'Freddie' anyway? Isn't he the blonde on Scooby Doo?"

She passed quickly through the bedroom and made it to the safety of the bathroom where she closed and locked the heavy wooden door. She unbuttoned and unzipped her pants while pushing against her bulge to keep it safely out of the way. As she slid her external and under pants down, her penis popped blessedly free in all its glory.

The first thing she felt was relief that she was no longer confined, and the second thing she felt was shocked that confinement was even an issue. She, Buffy Summers, had a penis and it was huge or at least it looked that way from her vantage point. Maybe it really wasn't that big. Maybe when looked at from above, it just seemed a lot bigger than its actual size...which would explain so very much about men.

The bottom line was it didn't really matter how large it was or wasn't because it was crazy big when it was hanging between Buffy's legs. She'd been penis free her entire life and she had expected things to continue in a similar vein for...

"And oh Good God, speaking of veins..."

She could feel herself starting to freak out and she splashed cold water onto her face.

"Okay, don't panic. There's got to be a logical reason why I have a 50 foot penis today."

The petite girl looked at herself in the almost full-length mirror that reflected the spacious room back to her. She tilted her head, first to one side, then the other, turning her body and observing her cock from every angle. She lifted the Old Anaconda gingerly, then with more certainty, studying her testicles too. It really didn't look so bad when she took it on its own merits.

All things considered, it was actually a very nice looking penis, as far as penises...peni...a penis went, and although it was totally out of proportion with her tiny frame, it somehow looked like her. All pretty and smooth and girly...

"Except it's a penis, Buffy, and a penis is usually worn by a man. I just wish I knew what was going on here."

There was the soft sound of a small explosion and the blonde Bedicked One whirled to face the noise, her johnson swinging and dancing along for the ride.

At first she saw nothing, but then movement caught her eye. There was some kind of insect flitting around, almost too fast for her Slayer vision to follow. She noticed it had sparkly sparkles trailing behind it, an incredibly pretty sight even though the Slayer in her had already been aroused. She stood at the ready because she was.

The bug flew at her fast and she barely restrained herself from punching out or at least catching the little pest in her small, but powerful fist. It stopped on an infinitesimal insect dime, hovering at eye level. It was too close and the golden haired Slayer pulled her head back so that her eyes could focus. What she saw had her shaking that pulled back head, unwilling to believe those focused eyes.

It wasn't a bug, but a fairy...a tiny, delicate, magical fairy that looked exactly like Sean Connery sans wig, although copious amounts of chest hair tufts were included. It was decked out in a frilly, pink tutu and holding tight to a tiny little wand.

"What exactly are you?"

"Lishen up, lash. I cannae schpend long."

The fairy, who was also smoking a cigar — obviously it had been hot embers and dirty ashes flying behind it, not pretty fairy dust — explained everything to Buffy. The reason she had a penis, how her collision with the "Croatian" inside the portal had mixed up their genders, genitally speaking, and how her penis wasn't going away until she had intercourse several times and basically screwed it out of existence.

The problem was: Buffy couldn't understand one word thanks to the thick Scottish brogue and the presence of Sean Conneryish dentures.

"I can't understand you at all. Could you maybe take the cigar out of your mouth and try to speak up? Why do I have a...OW!!!"

The fairy was already irritated that it had been sent to help the Slayer in the first place, and her stupidity didn't exactly endear her to the Scottish Bald One. It poked her in the eye with its wand and was heading back in with its cigar blazing, so Buffy instinctively backhanded it into the empty whirlpool tub. She felt bad until she realized her eye was still watering.

She bent down to look at the filthy, flitty fairy and it seemed okay, just unconscious. She placed a chunk of cotton ball under its shiny pate and covered it up to its neck with a piece of toilet paper. She graciously tucked it carefully around the little pest, then picked up its still smoldering cigar. She tossed it into the toilet, barely able to discern the modest fizzle the flame made when it hit the water.

"You're lucky I'm a Bond fan, although I prefer the new guy"

"Hey, you okay in there?"

She jumped at the concerned knock on the door.

"What?"

"I heard you yell and..."

"No, I'm fine. The uh...the water was colder than I expected."