Portal

"Oh, okay. Take your time, yeah?"

Buffy turned on the sink and splashed some more water onto her face. She dried off with one of the most luxurious green striped towels she'd ever felt. She smiled as she remembered a blue one from years ago that was even better. Finally non-moist, she blew out a deep breath.

"Okay Buffy, put your pants back on one leg at a time and get out there. Just tell her what's happened matter of factly and try not to kill her when she laughs herself sick. It's probably not her fault that she's lost her memory and doesn't remember I'd be happy to kill her even if we were having a "penis free" time. Just concentrate on getting Giles and Will here to help us."

It was a good plan, a solid plan, and Buffy stepped into her underwear and...She looked totally perverted. It was too big and kept falling out, plus being covered in silky black lace was not a good look, at least not to the Golden Penis Sporter.

She took them back off and shoved them into her pants pocket, then put those same pants on. Everything was fine until it came to the zipping up part.

"Ouch."

The feeling of metal teeth against her appendage made her flinch even though she wasn't remotely close to "Franks and Beaning" it. She shifted to the other side, then flinched again. She struggled to shove it down, thankful that she was finally flaccid, but no matter how hard she tried, she still couldn't manage to get it to stay inside her pants. Not remotely comfortably anyway.

She looked in the mirror and even holding her shirt front down over it, it was still apparent that she was packing the beginnings of a chubby.

"Terrific."

She gave up on her pants and wrapped the Runner-Up Towel of Stripes around her waist. She unlocked the door, determined to handle the incredibly awkward situation with nothing but a calm maturity.

Faith was reclining on the bed, leaning on some pillows that were propped against the headboard. One of her hands held a cordless phone, the other absentmindedly rubbed slowly back and forth against the soft, flat, tanned skin of her stomach.

Buffy's Second All-Time Favorite Towel tented like there was a large pole underneath it and she was harder than she had ever been in the last sixteen minutes. Faith looked like sex...sex on a bed...sex on her back...sex on her stomach...sex any and everywhere...and Buffy could not look away.

"No, I'm fine. Okay thanks, I'll call you tomorrow. Bye."

The Sex Bomb disconnected the call with a smile and glanced at Buffy as she put the phone on her nightstand.

"I just had your old number, so I couldn't call Fre...Hey, what's with the towel? Did you decide to shower?"

Buffy said nothing, her eyes riveted to the tiny drawstring on Faith's hip as all of her Chosen Blood rushed to the tool standing hard and proud between her legs. It moved slightly by itself, pulling upward and making the stripes undulate in a way that left nothing to the imagination.

Pretzel brown eyes widened as they dipped below Buffy's waistline, her disbelieving expression easy to read.

"What the...Sarah, do you have...Is that a real hard-on?"

"Faith, look...but not like that! Okay...technically yes, okay...but it isn't mine!"

Eliza scrambled off the bed.

"But how...when...I mean, I've heard the rumors, sure, but I never..."

Buffy was indignant:

"'Rumors'? What 'rumors'?"

"You know, about you and other girls, but then you never tried anything with me so I just figured..."

"Did Scott Hope say something, because he should talk."

Eliza wasn't listening,

"We shared a fucking trailer! How could you hide a huge dick?!"

Buffy lit up with pride.

"So it is big then? I thought it was, but I couldn't be sure without actually measuring...Anyway, that doesn't matter. Now do you see why I need you to call Giles? The best I can figure out is that when I bumped into Scott Bakula in the portal..."

"You know Scott Bakula? Since when?"

"No, Faith, I don't know him. He bumped into me in the portal. Will you pay attention?"

"I'm trying to, but you're not making a lot of sense."

"The main point is that I have a penis, maybe his, and for all I know he's running around with my vagina doing who knows what with it. Well, I guess maybe you'd know, but don't even go there because I still don't want to hear it."

Eliza approached her slowly.

"Look, Sarah...You're not Buffy, okay? You're an actress, just like me, and Buffy and Faith are characters we played. Tell you what: I'm going to call this doctor I know. The guy's totally discreet, and I can guarantee that you won't be reading about any of this in the rags."

Buffy stood still while Eliza edged closer.

"So you've got a dick, lotsa chicks do. This is Cali, yeah? All kinds of people here and you don't have to be embarrassed, Sar, not with me. I would never disrespect like that, especially not when it's you."

She was close enough to gently stroke along Buffy's face, her hand softly caressing and smoothing along her cheek and eyebrow. Buffy's Phylum Chlorophyta kelp colored eyes closed, and then suddenly she issued a short, sharp yelp.

Eliza leapt back.

"Fuck! Did you just come?"

Buffy couldn't speak for a few seconds, but when she managed to gather her wits, she nodded and went on the attack.

"It's your fault! Why did you have to touch me like that?"

"I was trying to comfort you! How'd I know you were gonna explode like a teenager?"

"Eew! It's on my shirt and the towel."

Eliza was already opening a dresser drawer.

"Yeah, just toss both of them. I've got an oversized shirt you can wear."

Buffy took off her soiled top carefully, then folded the stained portion inward to keep it contained. She used an unsullied portion of the towel to clean up, then wrapped everything in the abused green bath linen. She was embarrassed, but grateful that the painful pressure had finally abated in an explosion of semen that could have put someone's eye out if she hadn't been covered in the second most absorbent towel she'd ever known.

Eliza walked over to hand her the new shirt, and the breeze that simple action created had Buffy stiffening again.

"Stop!"

Eliza did, her eyes roaming up and down Buffy's body. The feminine curves, the smooth muscles of her shoulders, the soft golden hair covering her toned arms, the tanned skin that was without lines, the small but big enough breasts, the surprisingly full hips that flanked the large penis that was continuing to grow...

"Geez, Sar, you're really rockin' that thing. It's definitely the best looking cock I've ever seen. Kinda pretty somehow, all girly but wicked strong, just like you."

"I know, that's what I thought too. It's weird how it seems to..."

Eliza sucked in a breath and it caused her breasts to lift and Buffy's penis to harden.

"Stop moving, Faith. Just throw me the shirt and put something else on."

"Sure, but I'm going to have to move to get it."

"Go ahead, then we need to get Giles over here. You said we're in California, right?"

Eliza had returned to her dresser, her back to Buffy as she spoke.

"Yeah, we are. I thought for sure you were in the Big Apple last I heard. Kind of lost track after..."

Buffy wasn't listening to a word the California Bostonian said because she was putting something on by reaching for the drawstring of her bikini top. Before Buffy could stop her, she pulled and the top fell unimpeded to the floor. Eliza heard the now familiar moan and turned to see Buffy coming again.

"Jesus, Sarah!"

Buffy's head was flung back, her eyes closed tight. When she opened them, they were the color of a half full, glass bottle of ginger ale as they focused on the other woman who had turned around, awkwardly holding her bikini top in front of her breasts under her crossed arms.

"Faith...I can't...I need you."

"Me?! Sar, I don't swing that way, you know that."

"There's no swinging involved, not when I have this."

"Yeah, but it's...I..."

Buffy interrupted her:

"You can't deny there's been something between us right from the start."

"Well yeah, I guess. I mean, you were really nice to me from Day One on the set, but..."

"Faith, I could list a hundred..."

That was it; Eliza had reached her limit. She strode over to the little lesbian, ignoring the way Buffy's one-eyed monster seemed to be watching her approach.

"Sarah, listen to me! I am not Faith, you are not Buffy. We're actresses and there's nothing between us, okay? You're mixing up the subtext we deliberately created for a TV show with real life. We were just acting. All we had was a friendly working relationship and we haven't even seen each other in years. You're married to a man who I guess maybe lets you indulge sometimes, but I'm as straight as..."

Buffy pulled her in and kissed her, and to Eliza's surprise, she kissed her back without hesitation. She suddenly felt firsthand what else The Actress Two had between them, and she wrapped her arms around the miniature blonde with the massive ten-inch boner.

Her hands slid under the borrowed tee shirt, her fingers gliding along the soft skin and wisping over the tiny delicate hairs that rested in the small of the smaller girl's back. She felt a strong hand slip slowly into her bikini bottoms, and it was then Eliza's turn to moan.

"S, we shouldn't do this. You're..."

"Shhh...Please, Faith..."

The desire that surged through the Seasons 3, 4, and 7 Co-Star at that simple plea shocked her...and then the most incredible thing happened.

Buffy easily lifted Eliza up into her arms and began kissing her again as she carried her over to the bed. The larger woman managed to work her mouth free and struggled to speak as Buffy's lips travelled down her neck, nibbling and biting and leaving little marks of tiny Slayer teeth behind for anyone to see.

Her first attempt at talking emerged as a long, drawn out moan of ecstasy, but then some actual words broke through:

"Smaller...pick...tulips...pizza...way...can..."

She wasn't at all coherent as Buffy laid her gently on the bed, her lips back to ravishing Eliza's. The supine girl tried again.

"How can you carry me?"

"Slayer here...remember?"

And then Buffy's mouth was at her breasts, licking, sucking, biting hard so gently. Eliza's body twisted with pleasure, thrusting up against Buffy's and the itty bitty blonde's reaction was instant and desperate.

"Oh God...don't move, F."

They stayed still until Buffy smiled at her.

"See, I'm a quick learner. My prematurity is finally under control."

She leaned back down and Eliza whispered into her ear: "You feel so good..."

Buffy yelped, her whole body stiffening as she came against her borrowed shirt. Eliza laughed, which had Buffy hardening again before she'd even managed to go limp.

"Damn, you've got some kind of cock on you. I'm not an expert or anything, but I know enough about human physiology to know that it's just not possible for anyone to..."

Buffy sat up and removed her shirt, rolling it into a ball and tossing it onto the rapidly growing pile.

"I think it must be a Slayer thing. God, can you imagine the conversation I'm going to have to have with Giles?"

That reminded the So Far in the Closet it Must Have Been A Huge Walk-In brunette just what was happening and with whom, and she decided to stop things right in their tracks. Sarah was acting on the feelings Buffy and Faith had for each other. She was confused and there was no way Eliza should be letting this go on.

"Yeah, I'll have to imagine it because Giles isn't real. He's played by Tony..."

Buffy's mouth shut hers, and Little Miss Hard and Mighty felt bad about it. She shouldn't be doing this, not when Faith didn't know who she was. Even though she knew the Reformed Slayer would rejoice and be completely into the moment if she was at all herself, she wasn't at all herself, and that made what Buffy was doing wrong...way, wicked hot, wrong.

The Kendra Caller began to pull away, but Eliza tightened her grip and deepened their kiss. She wrapped her legs around her waist...Buffy's, not her own...and her passion seemed to increase as she made her decision.

She wanted Sarah, even more than a hybrid car, and she was going to have her...third leg and all.

It was so obvious now that the brunette definitely had the hots for her diminutive costar and probably always had. Even though she'd been unaware of any such feeling, she was way too turned on for this to be a new emotion. The feeling she had was like she was realizing a lifelong dream, although she seriously doubted that she'd ever imagined a penis that blew its load if she just looked at it sideways. What she did know for sure was that her sudden sexual attraction wasn't sudden at all when she looked at it logically.

Sarah was the epitome of class — on the set, in the media, and in her life. She was tough and didn't take shit from anybody, but she knew how to play the game almost effortlessly. She projected confidence and professionalism, and her kindness to crew members, especially the "lesser" people on the set, was legendary. She'd had a few scuffles over the years with a few co-stars, but she rarely spoke about them in public, preferring to maintain her dignity while she let her blazing talent or her lawyer do her talking for her.

Eliza had been a fan before she'd even met her, watching every show and movie she'd ever done, even her commercial work as a child. Nothing would ever top when the Boston Market Lover had been surfing the web on her laptop, not her desktop, and had stumbled upon an adorably feisty five year old Sarah explaining why Burger King was so much better than McDonald's. Even back then it was obvious that Sarah had it, whatever "it" was, and it was just as clear that she did not suffer fools gladly nor would she put up with bad behavior on the set...not even her own childish tantrums.

Eliza considered Sarah both a peer and a role model for how one should conduct one's business in one's Chosen Career. However, despite all of her best attempts, the Sister With Three Older Brothers had never quite managed to work the job as gracefully as Sarah did, even though she too had been in the industry forever.

SMG was the real deal, and Eliza's case of hero worship had only intensified as she had begun working with and getting to know the blonde star of the show who despite her seeming openness, had obviously managed to keep some things to herself...one of which was currently poking Rhymes With Pushku in the leg. The woman the Thigh Bruiser was attached to was busy stroking one of Eliza's nipples with her nimble fingers while her mouth sucked on the other one like an out-of-the-box Hoover vacuum cleaner with attachments.