Against the boulders Stepan I reminded общипанного Sparrow. My body was тщедушно and Hilo. But, Oh dear, self-esteem was much stronger. Stepan was then not a little agitated, but refrained from having to call me in the face, and, after a moment, simply said, "If you knew where I was at, you wouldn't speak to me". Told you so. And I stood, trying to understand his words, and stepped back, feeling their power, their revelation, somehow open to me. Only then I was scared having realized what a terrible person decided just to argue.
Because of that, and lay in fear that night, thinking how I behave if Stepan suddenly I raise. Personal enemies he had, but he seemed determined to play the role of arbitrator. Me this Cup has passed.
So "Jigsaw" and Stepan left and the "hippopotamus" remained one of the "Holy Trinity by Stepan inherited the underground Kingdom. For some time he headed all gatherings and parties, until suddenly a big campaign was split into small pieces and thin and, eventually, to surrender completely. And Behemoth and was left alone with two to three non-permanent collaborators. But for him, too, until the end of the school entrenched wolf ticket. However, he did not much upset.
And now he, like me, had front of his name in the list an empty box and puzzled, looked at her.
The rest of the day I spent in a foul mood. It was discovered that the empty boxes are opposite several surnames, including my friend, Grisha Охромова, поспешившего share with me this sad news. Together we began to wonder, to this meant, but nothing came up and уснулив anguish and anxiety.
Помаявшись few days I stopped to think about it, because the head разламывалась from fruitless reflections. The same thing I advise to do and Охромову. Besides literally the next day about this incident it became known command. Someone told wanting to get a promotion.
We have built and before declared, that in connection with the unauthorized disclosure of lists of distribution will be cancelled and"significantly replay". All went растроеные, and only such, as I have been satisfied with. In any case, now again were in equal conditions.
Before the release there still remained a month. Began the final exams. Stood hot summer, conducive to bathe at the river. I have had a lot of debts, which we had to pay for the remaining time. And this age-old problem for me — how to get money.
And, in fact, everything was perfect and splendid, if live, not adjusting events, not hurrying life, breathing in her intoxicating scent, feel that you are strong, beautiful, young, adore women. These qualities, all the same will remain with me wherever I got. I enjoyed the delightful July air, turned the hot sun of his strong, lean body, apart from the heavy thoughts and dreary routine forbidden swim at Pattaya beach. I felt that goes on every day of my cadets ' life, that's about to finish it.
The closer to the release day for our farewell to each other, the more I felt an inexplicable, heart-wrenching anguish, sneaks into the soul. I was sad to leave all, regardless liked me or not, one of my comrades, but the greatest sorrow навивала I thought about that soon will not be my only one in College friend, this friend, whom I trusted his secrets and I devoted all the secrets of his life. We often together embarked on a variety of adventures, walked together, we had common friends and girlfriends in the city and even the General interests and Hobbies. Often we even had to challenge each other's sexual preferences, but because of the women we never quarreled, considering them as beings of the inferior and unworthy through them occurred disagreement with us.
But, be that as it may, the evil time devoured day by day our friendship, leaving less and less time.
However, we continued to live happy, whatever it was. Our life continued day and night. As before his death we were in a hurry to take from this life is all about. Most loomed ahead distant garrisons in the middle of nowhere, and all around are the city was such a beautiful and alluring, especially now live in it remained a matter of weeks.
Despite the fact that we studied, rather, a доучивались, the last, fourth year, free access to the city. But only the last officer to leave курсантское hostel, as started fees at night adventures. The most agile were already dressed in sport suits, favorite robe our brother, street nooks and crannies of the fence, behind which there was a different life. A few minutes, and a Horde "спортсмено" already ran a race to the prospectus catch "cars"to disperse then who went where, who and talk to my friends who wives and some just fool around in a pub. It was a night and day, after dinner, when it was allowed to play sports, we Охромовым, he put on melting some sports briefs, were hiding in the forest, покрывающшем slope of the hill on which came down like our school and raced to the city beach. Where was fun, because here, on a hot summer day could meet many of our friends girls, to lie with them on the hot sand, different diving from the tower, swim in the warm, as fresh milk, water — General's great to relax.
The beach was always full of people. Gaumont, splashing, screaming and other long-familiar and favorite sounds happily excited heart, but I was sad and suddenly, just from the fact that it would end soon, and it will go nowhere.
On the beach you forgot military life: Stroy, outfits, boring order form, study. Thought you were in a carefree vacation, who gave himself. Life flowed around bright, rich bouquet and seemed holiday, on which you came as if from a musty, dusty closet. Motley world рывался in the us with the bright colors and intoxicated, twirling his heady foam. To return to school hence it would not be desirable, but grudgingly сердцеммы still departed, after that time would run out and hastened back to school, to their drab, unloved anguish, that to evening again part with it. When had to sit around now in its walls, as it seemed to willpower. Time passed sad and slow. Nothing inside it already not interested and we мыкались, not knowing what to do. Then we had to stand in a queue to a payphone at the checkpoint, and then long and sprawling and chat with some familiar, if that was provided at home, or call another and complain about his fate and listening comfort.
In General, about our friends could talk for a long time. They were all young merry girl, next to which улетучивалась all of the bitterness of soul, everything becomes easy. Of course, it happened that there were not мерцу serious. But it was boring, it is very difficult. What they wanted from life, have not yet parted with the illusion and had a puritanical understanding of the relationship between men and women, protected the purity and virginity, dreaming to meet the only one who would give their charms, and if it happened that lost both in relations with the us, with надоедливостью nuisance imposed лишившему their girl's honor role of this "man" until, angry, they gave to understand how far they should go.
Yes, as far as issues of relationships with the opposite sex, then there among the students was the overwhelming majority of rascals like us with Grisha. Those "fold", who once released from the river babenka in bed, suffered after that haunted by a sense of duty, considered himself something obligation towards her, quickly entangled, окручивали, "окольцовывали". Well, well, so be it. Personally, I never had about female sex no illusions. So my fate, that I knew that sooner or later every woman to become Baba-курвой, whatever she bred and good at first glance.
An example of that served as my own mother, too, with a mind brought up and the "right" woman, about which you probably think something is wrong, it would be a sin, but sinful secrets which were mostly known me, her son, not once наблюдавшему sex scenes from his cot. I don't know why, but apparently, she thought I глупеньким baby, and not shy when I go to bed with своимим хахалями that every one seemed to me as cattle. Then I really poorly understood, but my memory has preserved these scenes bright, ядовитями пяттнами DoD since. Until I entered the age of sexual maturity. And here I was a scoundrel in the understanding of the moralists and practical man from his point of view. With women I was on the short leg, very fond of, quickly, if wanted, совращал them, and just as quickly with them расставлся, a little there was any claim.
Chapter 3.
Needless to say, were "жахи" and worse than me, but I was quite satisfied with my life. The only thing a long time I couldn't buy this ability to remain silent. I have already said that many times in this brutally was paid, but in the end wiser, became silent and замкнутее. Before, I could not keep no secret, I really wanted to share it with someone, tell about their experiences. But my simplicity and frankness оборачиывались against me, and being repeatedly beaten, I withdrew into himself more and more, and in the end. As already mentioned, learned to keep his mouth shut, as if painful it might be. Between the freedom to speak and freedom to act I chose the last one.
Believe me, that to be able to keep hard science. To keep silent about their feelings means to suppress his soul, to keep silent about their thoughts means, drying their brains, but to learn to be silent, to keep your freedom, let slave, but freedom in my position should have been, and I learned.
But keep a secret so hard to walk under some tempting temptation искуситься. Man, apparently, made so he feels the need to share their thoughts, and, if not people, then at least with a paper. Realizing that people are not worthy to trust them , I started a diary in which he began to write down their thoughts, experienced adventure and feelings. Sometimes I attended and some verse forms, though blind, wandering in the backstreets of my mind. If it was possible, I wrote them while I can't say this for their achievements.
Diary that I kept seen no living soul, even my closest of all people each, Grisha Охромов. I tried to write it in such a тарабарским handwriting that no one. Except I do not make a written there. Besides the simplest encoding, skills which I have slightly поднаучился, saved me from all sorts of trouble. Спейслужбы, like, do me not going, and simple любознайка broke there would leg, if stuck there something to read. This unpretentious тетрадочка with мудренным called "Philosophical теради" and became the Keeper of all my secrets, impressions and sorrows. Yes, Yes, пречалей, because although I had assured myself that my life is beautiful, but very often I was sad. Besides, it is not so beautiful and was, especially when picking on her deeper. That it was good?
Take, for my parents. About mother I said a little bit. Вспомниая my childhood, I can't get rid of sadness. Father... I once wrote in his diary: "Today I received a letter from his mother. Thanks for the photo, writes that I become like the father. Why does she do it? Why remembers him? Who is she now? Who is he to her since she's the first time he had betrayed, when changed with another? Does this hypocritical beings — women-нибудоь Holy? Put his horn, and now умиляется memories of him. The creature. She is my mother, but she creature, low animal, not worthy of love. I wonder if she knew that I had seen it and remember it even more acute than before. This due to her that I don't believe now, neither women. I don't know, loved her father, but I hated unconsciously, with a hidden rage. She even did not guess, how I hate her.
About your father, I knew quite a bit. It is often not бываоло at home, and when пприходил, I was tired, but found the strength to joke and laugh. Remember the mother always reproached him, we live badly, only because of him that is that we are beggars, blame it that all his former friends and colleagues long ago already exhausted their princes, "your people" have provided themselves and their children. This kind of talk I had heard very often, but one day the mother came in your accusations too far:
"What did you do useful things for their family in the ten years that we прожидли along with you? Others, like people: and machine, and a country house, and all things. And what have we? We have nothing. We even can't save for a rainy day. I already forgot what the theatre. You me can you say when we're with you for the last time were in a movie together? — has attacked it upon the father one evening.
-And don't you go to the movies? he said with such a sad smile, that her mother already blushed, and I felt uneasy, and I felt guilty in everything what happens in our house.
Mother is jammed, but then replied:
-Go, but one... And you, you, you! What have you done for me, for my family, for the son? What? What? Ten years passed, I agreed выцйти marry you. Ten years! Ten years this crazy life and no result! What did you do during these ten years? We still poor, such as they began to live.
-I do, I do. I want everyone to be happy, not the individuals. I do for all.
-I'm tired of your universe schemes, you know?! I'm tired of this! I want to be an ordinary woman, have an ordinary husband. I am quite satisfied with would be like if you was just a house. Do not think about others. They themselves побеспокояться. You are very bad, very bad know people. All of them bastards!
-Why do you say that? In fact you too man. All people are fundamentally good. Simply many sick soul, and is seriously ill. Our society is poverty of spirit and hurt evil moral disease, " replied her father.
-And are you a doctor?! You're a healer. Look at the physician-самоучку. He undertook to cure all our on-щест-in! And the fact that the family sitting naked and barefoot, so it's OK! The main society! About-щест-in! cried the mother in издевательском tone.
"You're exaggerating, Galya. Yes, we are poor, but not enough to despair. Yes, I know how others live. But you know that I never went down and not be that desperate to theft.
"Right, you're right, you're good! But what do you know, what do you know? You can't even tell where that is taken in this house. This house is only me, I solely.
-Well, honour and praise for it. The woman has always been the guardian of the hearth.
-And I tired to keep the focus in this house!
"You're just tired of loving me, Galya, that's all, " answered her father, and left.
Don't know who of them and to what extent the fault was in front of each other, but a way of life, known of no one, except me, Yes its admirers, led my mother, I saw with my own eyes.
Soon after that conversation between my parents father was arrested. Then there was a court. Me there's mother. "You must forget what his name was, " she said to me then. Said and not let her go. — It is not for thy children's ears."
She also shall not go but instead went and got drunk in the kitchen until свинского state. This one time, I had ever had.
