Ravensdagger_Dreamers_Ten-Tea-Cle_Café

Chapter Sixteen — God-ssips

Chapter Sixteen — God-ssips Crossover: Heart of Dorkness by RavensDagger

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A bell jingled above Luciana’s head and she paused to take in her surroundings.This was, she noted idly, not the room she had been entering.“Well, this is interesting,” her companion said from right behind her.Luciana carefully stepped to the side, letting Semper have an unobstructed view of the environs. It was a shop. The sort she’d seen in some of the more affluent cities the world over. More, it was a shop that smelled faintly of tea and... coffee?“I didn’t notice the change,” she said, speaking of course of the shift between realms. This wasn’t Monsterra. The emotional undercurrents of the world were all wrong. There were no monsters here, she knew.Glancing to the side, she noticed Semper eyeing the room as well, the Goddess of Contempt scowling at everything in a way that twisted her nose. Valeria had recently commented that the goddess was quite-in her own naive words-cute when she scowled, and so the amount of scowling Semper did had been reduced dramatically.It seemed as if this warranted some level of such expressions though.Luciana herself took in a deep breath, disgust welling in her with the depth and breadth of an ocean, enough to drown the world, but all carefully contained, all meticulously aimed. She rid herself of any emotion, resettling her expression to what her little scamp of a daughter called her ‘resting mom face.’“Oh! Hello!” A young woman waved from a raised section at the rear. “And welcome to Dreamer’s, ah, ten-tea-cle cafe. The counter’s up here, if you’re looking for anything in particular. We have all sorts of teas, and coffees as well, of course. The pastries are quite nice too.”Luciana nodded. There only seemed to be two people in the room.The first she had noticed was the young woman addressing them now, who seemed entirely oblivious to her own status, or Semper’s, for that matter. She didn’t sense any overwhelming emotions in the woman, so it was unlikely that she was a cultivator of any sort.The other was a malformed creature sitting in the corner, currently working on some sort of small arts and crafts project, crayons moving with more enthusiasm than skill to scribble across an already folded, homemade flyer of some sort. She was pinning it in place with a tentacled limb, and was pinching her tongue between her lips in a manner similar to how Valeria did when focusing.The child felt dangerous.“Is it common for the guests of this establishment to be from... elsewhere?” Luciana asked.The girl froze up. “Oh... ohh, you’re not from here. Right, that would explain all the eyes and the... well, nevermind. Ah, yes? Don’t worry, once you leave, you’ll probably be right back where you left!”She glanced to Semper, who shrugged. “This isn’t the strangest thing to happen this year for me.”“Truly?” Luciana asked. That sounded like excellent gossip.The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.“Oh, yes. See, I just learned that my best friend had a child, without me ever noticing.”The Goddess of Darkness rolled her eyes. Typical. “Perhaps you can continue to ridicule me over some tea, then?” she asked.“Of course.”They were both still on their guard as they approached one of the nearby tables and took a seat. The young woman working there brought them a pair of menus, and when asked, hurried off to procure two cups of tea. Black for Luciana, and a sugar-filled berry tea for Semper, whose contempt Luciana suspected applied to her own dentistry.“Have you ever realm-travelled?” Luciana asked as she settled down across from Semper.“No, not really. Was it more common before my time?”“Not particularly,” Luciana said. “Besters has frequently disappeared for a decade or two, and I suspect that he was off gallivanting to see other worlds and be disappointed about them. I believe Mortimer might have some... off-world accounts, as it were. Mostly no one bothers.”“Ah, but we are quite lazy, aren’t we?” Semper asked.Luciana nodded. “I suppose we are.”“Speaking of laziness... have I been so ill a friend that I missed your pregnancy? And the first, oh, I would guess thirteen years of your daughter’s life? Or are you merely quite good at hiding things from me?”“You hardly missed anything,” Luciana said.“Are you certain?” Semper asked. “Because I received a very nice letter from a concerned young woman-delivered by wyvern to one of my smaller temples no less-that thanked me for being your friend.”Luciana had a difficult time keeping her resting mom face in place. Was it too late to ground Valeria for that? Perhaps some time-out? A smack on the rear? She truly didn’t know.“Valeria was a.... Mistake.”Semper leaned forwards. “Please, do tell. Luciana the Dark Goddess herself having a... mistake. Who was it? Enano? He has this very... daddy like look to him.”“It was no one,” Luciana said.“Luto maybe? He’s quite fetching in a sad boy kind of way. Or perhaps you caught Alejandro in a bind? For all that he’s a glorified man-child he is the god of love.”“Ah, your, um, tea is here,” the waiting girl said. She placed a tray on the table, then carefully put two cups before Luciana and Semper. “Um, I brought cakes too, on the house!”“Thank you,” Luciana said. She fished out a golden coin from the void and placed it on the tray.“Oh, thank you!” the girl said before scampering off.Semper smiled. “So? Please tell me it was not Heroe.”Luciana recoiled. “That’s disgusting.”“Exactly!”She shook her head. “In a way... you are correct though.”The goddess across from Luciana gasped. “What?!”“Heroe tried to summon a new sacrifice to his useless cause, and he was as clumsy as he usually is. It resulted in a second child being pulled over. She found herself in my care, and one thing led to another.”“Oh, oh no girl, you are skipping far too much there.” Semper grabbed her cup of tea and leaned halfway across the table. “Tell me more.”

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Chapter Seventeen — Mango Cake

Chapter Seventeen — Mango Cake Crossover: Beneath the Dragoneye Moons by Selkie Myth

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A strange florp occurred, and I was suddenly in a cafe.Espresso machines gurgled, a slow-roaster ticked — all sounds that I recognized even though I hadn’t heard them in a long time. Was I on Earth?I looked around to reorientate myself, only now noticing the girl — about my own age — standing a few feet ahead of me with a wince on her face and a white towel around her hand. She was clutching a wound, something I’d seen plenty of times.Next to her was a girl. A girl with a rather cute pout and a not so cute amount of tentacles slipping out of her dress.“Hey there. Are you hurt? And is that a coffee machine?”“Oh? Yeah, that’s a coffee machine. I’m really sorry, I cut myself because I was clumsy, and then Dreamer tried to help but, ah, well, now you’re here. Are you a doctor?”She glanced down at my clothes, steel armour, skirt, sandals, and seemed to decide that I wasn’t. Maybe she couldn’t see my class? Hers was [Artisan] but it was about as pale as a class could be.“I’m a healer,” I said.I glanced at the strange girl with the tentacles. This obviously wasn’t Pallos, so maybe tentacle-girls were the norm here? [Dreamer — The Eater of Gods — She Who Is Pat — The Nightmare]The title was black.Not just black, it was a void, letters so dark they seemed to make the idea of colours fade.A tentacle slid out of nothing, one covered in eyes, and it prodded at the class, the title shifting to the side.Nope. Nope nope nope. I was going to be clever and pretend that I hadn’t even looked.“Abigail is hurt. Can you fix her?”“Please,” the girl I presumed was Abigail said.“Please.”“Healing, yes. I can heal, that is something I do,” I said as I rushed closer. It wasn’t often that I was distracted from healing, but then again... whatever Dreamer was felt like a great excuse for a momentary pause.I touched Abigail’s wrist, careful not to alarm her, and she surrendered her hand to me.“How are you hurt? The more I know, the better I can heal you.” I asked.“I was cleaning the bean grinder, and I sliced my thumb, it’s that...” Abigail paused and looked over to a counter where I presumed a bean grinder had been before.“It hurt you,” the small god-eating tentacle child said.The healing was easy. Ridiculously easy. My mana didn’t even have time to drop before it was back up to full. Abigail’s cut had been no worse than a bad papercut.“All healed,” I said as I helped Abigail unwrap her hand from the cloth she’d used to staunch her bleeding.“Oh, thank you,” Abigail said.“No problem, it’s what I do. Speaking of which, where am I?”“This is my and Dreamer’s tea shop. Would you like some tea before Dreamer sends you back? For the road, so to speak? Maybe some pastries?”“I don’t need payment for such a small bit of healing. Uh, do you usually summon healers whenever you get cut?”It would be a bit of a pain if they did that every time. What if I had been in the middle of an operation or something when I was yanked over? Urgh, I’d need to make a point of teaching Abigail not to yoink healers willy-nilly.“No, I thought I was fine, but Dreamer was afraid,” Abigail said. She reached over and Dreamer moved closer so that when Abigail’s hand came down, it landed on her head.If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.The tentacle girl let out a content little sigh.“So, you can send me back, right?”“Yeah,” Dreamer said.“Cool. In that case, I’d love some tea?”This was unusual, but I was determined to make the best of it.Abigail escorted me out of the kitchen and into a dining area that felt more modern than anything I’d seen in a long time. She gestured to a seat at a table and I sat down. It wasn’t too far from the corner, where a girl that could have been the tentacle-girl’s twin was sitting and reading from — to my surprise — an actual paper pamphlet.“Here’s the menu,” Abigail said as she placed a cardstock menu on the table with a click.“Thanks,” I said.My eyes scanned the long list of teas, then zeroed in on the list of deserts.They had mango cake.They had whipped cream.Heck yeah!I was confused for a moment when my thumb brushed the menu and it moved. It was electronic!I was probably a little too excited as I clicked on the various options and enjoyed the little beeps and boops the menu made. Eventually though, I tampered down my gluttony and only ordered a slice of cake and some tea.I sat with rapidly decreasing patience while Abigail puttered away behind the counter and the girl with the pamphlets scribbled away. I had actually lost sight of Dreamer, which I would never admit to anyone with the rangers because losing sight of something like that was just embarrassing.“So, what’re you making there?” I asked.“Pamphlets,” the girl replied distractedly.“That’s neat. What are they about?”“They’re Not Today pamphlets,” she said.Her head rose.“Do you want one?”Uh. “Sure?”The paper alone might be interesting to have. A long tentacle slithered over to me and carefully placed a pamphlet over my menu with an amount of care and delicacy that something so obviously made by a child probably didn’t deserve.The cover had Not Today written on it, in crayon. Under that was a drawing of a one-armed, one-tentacled girl. The drawing’s face had a flat line for a mouth.I opened it up and scanned through the text.Today is not the day where you will die.That means that you still have things to do.Do the things you’re meant to do.You still have many days to live.The next page had a counter on it, the number displayed — in the thousands — was flickering up and down like a digital clock on the fritz, but it was drawn in crayon.“What’s this part?” I asked, a little nervous.“How many days until it is today.”I carefully laid the pamphlet down. “Nice, very, uh, nice.”“Thank you. I give people pamphlets. It’s my purpose in life. Now I make pamphlets to give to people. That isn’t my purpose, but it makes me happy.”“Well, we all need hobbies,” I said.Fortunately, Abigail showed up with a large wedge of cake on a plate, a steaming cup of tea, and a small cardboard box. “I saw you smiling when you saw the cake, and I don’t think it’s very popular, so I put the rest in the box. As an apology for Dreamer’s... Dreamerness.”I stared at the wedge. It was tall and fat, with the yellowy goodness of mango wedges dripping with some sort of sugary sauce jammed between layers of cake. There was icing. There were crushed almonds on top. There was an unhealthy amount of whipped cream slathered onto the whole thing.“Apology accepted,” I said.

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Chapter Eighteen — Finding Solutions

Chapter Eighteen — Finding Solutions Dreamer bounced on the seat across from Abigail.It was night time, so the cafe was closed. They only had a few lights on, and there was a sign on the door that read ‘Open,’ but only from the inside because the other side said the opposite. So, it was just Dreamer and Abigail, and one of Dreamer’s clones who was in the corner being quiet.Dreamer figured she’d get rid of that clone later, since they didn’t need to hand people pamphlets anymore, but for now it was time to spend special time with Abigail.“Okay,” Abigail said. “You understand what we’re doing, right?”Dreamer nodded. “Yes,” she said.“And that is...” Abigail said.Dreamer thought for just a moment. “You’re going to show me a thing with a situation on it, and then I’ll tell you how I’ll react.”“That’s right,” Abigail said. She smiled at Dreamer who smiled back. This was going to be very easy and Dreamer would earn lots of pats. Abigail lifted a stack of cardboard cue cards and straightens them out on the table with a satisfying clunk clunk. “Let’s start?”Dreamer nodded. She was ready.“Alright, so let’s see.” Abigail pulled out the first card and read it aloud. “While walking to school someone stops both of us on the side of the road, and insults us.”Abigail lowered the card and smiled.Dreamer frowned. She sensed a trap.“I... uh... tell the person not to do that?” Dreamer asked.“Yes, good,” Abigail said. “What else?”“I... hit them with a tentacle?”Abigail sighed. “No Dreamer. Someone insulting you or me is bad, but it’s a... not so bad thing. It’s like a little bad. And when things are only a little bad, then you need to react with an, uh, appropriate amount of... reaction.” She nodded.Dreamer considered it, then nodded too. “Okay.” It made sense. Small bad things deserved small bad things in return.“Alright,” Abigail said. She flipped to another cue card. “While we’re both at the cafe, someone breaks in and, with a knife, demands that I give him everything in the till.”“Will he pay for all the stuff?” Dreamer asked.“No, he’s a thief,” Abigail said.Dreamer nodded. That made sense. “In that case, if he’s going to steal from us, then I’ll steal their life from them.”Abigail shook her head. “While defending the shop and us is okay, that doesn’t mean that you can do a crime in return.”“Oh,” Dreamer said. “In that case, I’ll just tentacle them.”“Tentacle them?” Abigail asked.“With a knife tentacle?” Dreamer added.“No dreamer, that would kill them,” Abigail said.Dreamer pouted. “I could knife tentacle them softly.”“I don’t think that’s entirely a, uh, good idea either. People die when they’re stabbed, and the, ah, gentleness of the stabbing doesn’t change things much.” Abigail shook her head. “No, that’s another very violent response to things.”If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.“This is hard,” Dreamer said.“You’ll get the hang of it. We’ll work on it together. Look, this one is easy.” Abigail cleared her throat. “You and I are heading over to Daphne’s for an important event, when we realize that we’re almost late. It’s going to take ten minutes to arrive, and we only have five minutes left. What do we do?”Dreamer tilted her head to one side, then the other. There wasn’t anyone to tentacle in this one, so the problem was a little more complicated. “We’re going to be late?”“Yes,” Abigail said. “In fact, that’s not a wrong answer. It’s okay to be late sometimes, even if it’s not very polite. Life happens.”Dreamer nodded, happy that she’d gotten one right, even though it was by accident. “Good. I had another solution too, but if that one works it’s good.”“What was the other solution?” Abigail asked.“To stop time so that we wouldn’t be late.”“Ah,” Abigail said.“With tentacles.” She made grabby gestures in the air behind her. “Just grab onto time and tell it to stop moving for a little.”“I think, maybe, we should keep violations of causality to a minimum.”“Okay,” Dreamer said. Yet another thing to add to the list. It was growing super long. One day she’d need to talk to Abigail about it. No killing, no eating living things, no tentacling people, no experiments on the planet, and now no breaking causality. “This is too many rules.”“I... you’re right,” Abigail said.Dreamer wasn’t expecting that. “I am?” Usually, Dreamer was wrong about stuff in some nebulous, hard to understand way.Abigail set the cue cards on the table, and out of curiosity, Dreamer peeked at it to read the next prompt. Maybe she could get a head start in figuring out the next answer?We arrive at a restaurant, and there aren’t enough seats for all of us to sit and eat there. Without stealing seats or using tentacles, how do you address the situation?... How was she supposed to answer that without breaking causality?Abigail distracted Dreamer by coming around the table and squatting next to her. She smiled, then raised her arms for a hug that Dreamer eagerly fell into. It was a very nice hug, because it was a hug that Dreamer had both earned for doing hard work, and also because Abigail pat Dreamer’s head at the same time.“I’m sorry,” Abigail said. “I’m asking a lot of you, aren’t I? I feel like I do that a lot. You’re you, and I’m me, and I think there are some big big differences in how we see things.”That was true. Dreamer had a lot more eyes than Abigail.“So, sometimes we might not see things the same way, but I still love you, no matter what,” Abigail said. “And I’m sorry.”Dreamer tucked her head into the crook of Abigail’s neck. “It’s okay. I’m not a mortal-person, and you’re very confusing, but you give good pats and hugs, so I’ll try to do better to keep getting those.”Abigail laughed. “Well, at least you’re honest.”

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