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Noise? Well, is that all ?
R e p e t i l o v
This isn't time and place for explanation, It is a state affair in a way,
Though it is not an urgent situation,
Such things are not done in a day.
What kind of people are they ? Well, here's my story:
There is for instance count Grigory,
A queer man, he is great fun,
Has all the makings of an Englishman,
His hair is always in good trim.
Are you familiar? You ought to meet him,
There's another man. He's Yevdokim Vorkulov.
You should have heard him sing! His voice is such a love!
There is a song he sings, you know?:
"Ah! Non lashiar me, no, no, no."
There are two men, Levon and Borya, they're brothers,
Nice people. Just like all the others.
There isn't much to say about these two,
But I can name our genius, if you want me to,
It is Udushyev Ippolit Martinich.
Have you read much of him ? At least an inch. I recommend you. Though he doesn't seem
To write anything now. If I were to decide,
I'd whip him with a rod repeating: "Write, write, write";
You'll find an extract in a journal, by the way,
It's called "A Point Of View And Something".
What is it all about? Everything.
He knows everything. We save him for an evil day.
Our leader is like no one else in our Russian land,
I needn't give his name, you will understand.
A night-time robber and a duel fan,
He was in exile in Kamchatka, no surprise,
From there he returned an Aleutian man.
He's a rogue: with clever men it can't be otherwise,
But when he, filled with frenzied inspiration,
Starts holding forth on honesty
He reddens ridden with obsession
And bursts out crying. So do we.
Such are the people, they are really a rarity
I'm one of them. I'm a mediocrity,
I'm lazy, not so well advanced. It's awful!
But when I set to work straining my mind
I sit an hour like a fool
And bear out a pun of a kind,
Some people find my thought amusing
And putting half a dozen heads together
Make up a sketch, another six compose the music,
Still other six will clap their hands,
They're birds of a feather.
You are laughing, man,
But that's the way it is,
I'm not endowed by God with capabilities
But I'm kind. That's why they like me.
They pardon me when I tell lies...
T h e f o o t m a n (standing at the porch)
The coach of Skalozub!
R e p e t i l o v
Who's coach you said?
Scene 5
he same people and Skalozub. He comes down the stairs.
R e p e t i l o v (stepping towards him)
Ah Skalozub, my dear friend!
Wait, wait. Don't go away.
(Hugging him.)
C h a t s k y
Where shall I go?
(goes into the porters' lodge.)
R e p e t i l o v
I haven't heard of you since long ago.
You've joined a regiment, they say.
Are you familiar?
(Looking around to see Chatsky.)
The stubborn man. He's gone.
You are the one
Whom I was looking for? Let's go with me.
There are a lot of people at Grigory's
About forty of us, you will see.
A bunch of wit, that's what it is.
They'll talk all night without getting tired.
First they will treat you to Champaign up to the chin,
Then they will teach you something you and I
Would never think of, or imagine.
S k a l o z u b
Man, you won't have it on me with erudition.
Tell someone else. And if you wish, then
A sergeant from my regiment will serve
As a Voltair to your Grigory and yourself.
He'll get you into ranks of three
And if you say a word, he'll calm you down quickly.
R e p e t i l o v
Well, service is the only thing you want to know.
I, too, should strive for ranks, but I'm
A failure. I miscarried years ago,
I was in civil service at the time,
Baron von Klotz had an ambition
To get a minister's position.
And I
Had an eye
To be his son in law,
I made no bones about it.
He's wife and he
Played cards with me.
I lost tremendous sums of money,
I built a house in Fontanka street,
The place where the Baron lived.
A house with columns. Huge! So costly!
I married their daughter finally.
Did I get dowry! Hell! No! And no promotions.
The son of law of a German. There was no use.
He was afraid of rumours and reproaches
For being biased to his relatives,
The deuce!
His secretaries! The miserable riff-raff!
The wretched scribblers ! They are important now.
They've got on in the world, and how!
Look in the calendar: the ranks, the crosses and the service.
Lakhmotyev Alexey was really clever to suggest;
We need most drastic remedies
For our stomachs won't digest.
( stops talking, seeing that Zagoretsky has taken Skalozub's place, who left the house by then)
Scene 6
Repetilov, Zagoretsky.
Z a g o r e t s k y
Go on. Go on. To be sincere,
I'm as liberal as you.
I'm straight, I speak without fear,
That's why I've lost so much. I've got my due.
R e p e t i l o v (with regret)
All are apart! And all keep mute!
If someone leaves, the other follows suit.
First Chatsky vanished, then the colonel did.
Z a g o r e t s k y
What do you think of Chatsky?
R e p e t i l o v
He's man of wit. I met him now, there was a chat
About a vaudeville and that;
I liked the talk though nobody talked sense.
Chatsky and I... We are good friends.
Z a g o r e t s k y
And did you notice that
He's sort of mad?
R e p e t i l o v
It's rubbish!
Z a g o r e t s k y
Everybody says so.
R e p e t i l o v
No, it's a lie!
Z a g o r e t s k y
Ask people.
R e p e t i l o v
No.
Z a g o r e t s k y
Oh there they come: the count, the countess — And their daughters.
R e p e t i l o v
Staff and nonsense, that is.
Scene 7
Repetilov, Zagoretsky, the count and the countess with their six daughters; a little later Khlyostova comes down the front stair. Molchalin holds her by the hand, the footmen fuss about.
Z a g o r e t s k y
Now, ladies, tell me, if you please,
Is Chatsky mad?
1 — s t c o u n t e s s
No doubt, he is.
2 — n d c o u n t e s s
Well, anyone will tell you that.
3 — d c o u n t e s s
The Dryanskys, the Varlyanskys,
The Khvorovs, the Skatchkovs.
4 — t h c o u n t e s s
It isn't new for everybody knows.
5 — t h c o u n t e s s
Who doubts then?
Z a g o r e t s k y
This here man does not believe.
6 — t h c o u n t e s s
You!
A l t o g e t h e r
Masseur Repetilov! You! Masseur Repetilov is it true?
How can you be against us all?
Why should you? Don't feel ashamed at all?
R e p e t i l o v (shuts his ears)
I didn't know it was so open, sorry.
T h e c o u n t e s s
He is a dangerous man,
Don't listen to his story.
It is about time to lock him in,
I think he's a Jacobin. To listen to him he is wittier
Than anyone on earth, even duke Peter.
Your Chatsky ! ! ! . . . Come along, count, you take Kate
Or Zizzie with you. Are we six or seven?
K h l y o s t o v a (from the stair)
The cards. You didn't pay the debt.
C o u n t e s s
I owe you.
E v e r y b o d y (to one another)
Far you well.
(The family departs, so does Zagoretsky.)
Scene 8
Repetilov, Khlyostova, Molchalin.
R e p e t i l o v
Good heaven!
Anfisa Nilovna! Oh poor Chatsky! There!
Who needs your wisdom and your care?
And what's the use of going out of one's way? K h l y o s t o v a
It is God's wish. Anyway
He will be treated. Maybe cured in the end.
While you're quite incurable, my friend,
What on earth made you come round?
Molchalin, you don't try to please me,
Don't see me out.
Good by! It's time to come to reason.
( Molchalin goes into his room. She departs.)
Scene 9
Repetilov and his footman.
R e p e t i l o v
It's coming to the break of day.
Where shall I go to now? Yes, where?
Come, put me in the cab. Take me away.
Take me just anywhere.
(departs) Scene 10
The last light goes down.
C h a t s k y (comes out of the footman's room)
What's that? I can't believe my ears!
It isn't fun. It's evil, it appears.
How come? As if by miracle or majesty
They all talk nonsense about me!
For some it's like a funny trick,
While others seem quite sympathetic...
Who was the first to spin the yarn?!
Somebody raised a noise — no sooner said than done -
And there you have public opinion.
Does Sofia know it? They have told her, yes.
Not that she meant to spite me — no!
She doesn't care if it's me or someone else,
She had some fun and doesn't want to know,
She doesn't care for anyone — for me or him.
Why did she faint then, God only knows.
Is it her shattered nerves or is it just a whim
That comes and goes?
I thought it was a sign of passion — I was wrong.
She would have broken down just as well
If she had seen someone step on
A pussy's or a puppy's tail.
S o f i a (above the stair, candle in hand)
It's you, Molchalin?
(closes the door quickly)
C h a t s k y
It's Sofia! Oh, yes, I see her !
Good Lord! My head's burning and my blood begins to stir.
She has turned up, or is it just dreams ?
I'm out of my mind, it seems.
I'm used to mysteries and I
Should not deceive myself, should I ?
This time it's not a vision, it's a date.
She called Molchalin, so I'd rather wait.
H i s f o o t m a n (from the porch)
The cab... You need...
C h a t s k y
Hush.
(Pushes him out)
I'll stay and keep an eye on it Till morning. Once I am to drain a cup of woe
Let it be so.
Let it be now, not afterwards. For a delay
Won't save me anyway.
The door is opening.
( hides himself behind a column.)
Scene 11
Chatsky is hidden. Lizzie, candle in hand.
L i z i e
Good heaven ! I'm filled with fear
My torturer, the lady... sent me here.
Black night! The empty hall!
I'm scared of ghosts. Or any living soul.
This Chatsky, he is like an eye sore.
She says she saw him down on this floor.
(Looks around)
A lot he cares about walking around !
By now he's surely got out !
He put his love off for another day, I bet !
He hurried home and — straight to bed.
But I must call him anyway.
( knocks at Molchalin door)
Wake up! Will you wake up! I say !
The lady calls you, do you hear ?
Be quick, you must get through unseen.
Scene 12
Chatsky is behind the column, Lizzie, Molchalin (stretches his arms and yawns), Sofia (sneaks down the stair).
L i z i e
You, sir, you heart of stone, thick skin !
M o l c h a l i n
Ah Lizzie! Who sent you over here ?
L i z i e
The lady.
M o l c h a l i n
There's one thing I'm thinking off:
These cheeks, these veins and all
Have not yet seen the flush of love.
What makes you want to be at beck and call?
L i z i e
You suitors shouldn't stay in bed
Idling away your time and lazing,
For handsome is who doesn't get
Enough of sleep before the wedding.
M o l c h a l i n
The wedding ? Whom with ?
L i z i e
With the lady.
M o l c h a l i n
There's room for hope before the wedding.
L i z i e But sir !
Is there any other fiancй ?
M o l c h a l i n
Who knows? I'm scared to think
About one thing:
I'm afraid that Pavel Afanasich may
Take us by surprise some day.
He'll curse me! Fire me! I'll be frank: you see,
Sofia has nothing to adore her for.
I wish her well. She will stop loving me,
Like she's not in love with Chatsky any more.
I wish I cared half as much for her
As I do care for you, my dear.
Alas, no matter how I try to stir
My feelings — I cool down when I see Sofia.
S o f i a (to the side)
Oh what a wicked man!
C h a t s k y (from behind the column)
A scoundrel he is!
L i z i e
Aren't you ashamed?
M o l c h a l i n
My father taught me this:
I must please all and everyone -
The host of house I would live in,
The boss I'd work with and the man
That would keep my clothes clean,
The sweeper of the yard, and, just in case,
His dog to win its love and kindness.
L i z i e
They are all guardians of yours.
M o l c h a l i n
Now I pretend to be a lover
To please the daughter of one of those...
L i z i e
The one that feeds you, gives you cover ?
Sometimes ranks, too ?
Well, that will do.
M o l c h a l i n
Let's go. We've talked enough.
Let's share our sad girl's love.
Let me embrace you, most sincerely.
(Lizzie pushes him away)
I wish you were Sofia, really.
(He wants to go, but Sofia doesn't let him)
S o f i a ( almost in a whisper. Talking is in a low voice during the whole scene)
Don't you come near. I have heard it!
You scoundrel ! What a shame ! Oh what a mistake.
M o l c h a l i n
Why Sofia Pavlovna...
S o f i a Don't say a word.
I can do anything. Don't talk, for goodness sake.
M o l c h a l i n
(falls down on his knees, Sofia pushes him away)
Remember please! Have mercy. Look and see!
S o f i a
I don't remember anything. Forget me ! — 173 — M o l c h a l i n (grovels at her feet)
Have pity...
S o f i a
Don't be mean. Get up. You wretched thing.
I don't want any answer. For I know
You'll tell a lie again...
M o l c h a l i n
Have mercy...
S o f i a
No. No. No.
M o l c h a l i n
I said it just for fun . . . don't make a fuss . . .
S o f i a
You'd better now leave me alone
Or else I'll wake up everyone,
And I don't care, if I ruin both of us.
(Molchalin raises)
I wish that I had never known you.
Do not expect me to complain, reproach or cry.
Get out of the house so that I
Might never hear of you again.
M o l c h a l i n
Well, as you wish.
S o f i a
Or else
I'll tell papa the truth. I'll get my due,
But I don't care about the consequence.
Now go ! No, wait. You should be glad that you
Were more than shy
When you and I
Had dates at nights,
And even in the daytime
When everyone could see
You were dishonest, but not so saucy,
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