Deadtired

Finally, we arrived at the topmost floor of the pavilion and entered a room surrounded by windows overlooking Shitake and its surroundings. There were cushions strewn about and a few small cases of unknown purpose.

The elder sat upon one of the cushions facing me, then laid her cane across her lap. "Now," she began. "Tell us, Harold the Necromancer, what brings you to our sect?"

I took a deep yet unnecessary breath. "I'm here because Cinder was quite polite. But truthfully, I intend to retake something of mine, and I suppose some company along the way wouldn't be amiss."

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Chapter Seven — Grave Grins

Chapter Seven — Grave Grins

"The crux of the matter is simple," I said. "Some time ago, a very long time ago, I created a set of very powerful items. Recently, I discovered that some of these were being... misused by this new crop of gods and I don't doubt that some cultivators are tinkering with my things as well."

Soot leaned forwards. He was the only one of us not seated on a cushion. Mostly because he was still seated on his wheeled chair. It gave him a certain height advantage that I was certain wasn't entirely common for him. "What do these items look like?" he asked.

"Oh, no two are quite the same. Though they do share some common characteristics. Most are about the size of an adult human's skull. Mostly round, with differing ornamentation. Otherwise, material compositions differ enough that the similarities become harder to trace. There's a lot of crystal, precious metals, gems. Anything and everything that can be used as a solid, long-term magical focus."

"They're all magical?" Cinder asked.

"Very much so. Which is why I suspect so many of them were nicked by gods and cultivators," I said.

The elder, Frost, nodded her head slowly. "A powerful artefact, especially an ancient one, would be very attractive to most cultivators. One that they cannot understand even moreso, and one which exudes power... that would be quite the temptation indeed."

I nodded along. To be entirely honest, I could respect the odd inquisitive mind that ran into one of my phylacteries and tried to uncover its secrets. A younger me would certainly have been intrigued by the prospect.

"I don't begrudge anyone that has used one of my... items. I merely wish to retrieve them before any harm can be done. And to do that, I would appreciate the help of your sect. I suspect that we're actually after very similar things at the moment."

"What do you mean?" Char asked.

"The nearest phylactery to our current position is to the west of here, somewhere within those rather active mountains."

"The lair of the Mantis Queen," Soot said.

Cinder shifted on her cushion, the small gesture enough to catch the attention of the others. "We have a common adversary. We will gladly aid you in your quest to defeat her, though we have no successful experience against the Mantis Queen. She has killed many, and we can only offer our experience and expertise in facing her."

"You offer our guest much, disciple," Elder Frost said. She shifted so that her white hair hung over her eyes, masking her expression.

"I offer as much as he needs," Cinder countered. "Harold is powerful. Allying ourselves to him, at least for this cause, is a risk, but if it succeeds."

Soot leaned to the side on his chair. "I, for one, wouldn't mind seeing the Mantis Queen brought low. But I'm entirely biased and willing to admit it."

I nodded. The mantis people were not only the farthest thing this world had to a proper civilisation, they were also a major source of problems for the people living in Shitake City. Not least because their queen liked to eat people.

Elder Frost leaned back, and the others turned their attention to her. A few seconds later, I realised she was waiting for me to say something.

I cleared my throat. It felt silly, since we weren't really negotiating anything, but I couldn't help but feel a little flustered at all the attention. Usually there was a bit more... well, a certain degree of formality. Either that, or derision and casual disrespect.

I haven't yet met enough cultivators to make an accurate statement on them. After all, the few meetings I had were far from numerous enough to count as a sample usable in any form of statistics. Still, so far most meetings with cultivators had them acting in a way that I found rather rude and abrasive.

Cultural differences aside, I suspected that cultivators harboured a death-wish with the way they interacted with everyone.

Cinder's sect seemed entirely counter to that, and I wondered if they were the exception that proved the rule, or if they were just bizarre. "I intend to retrieve my phylactery regardless of any assistance. But, if you suspect that you can assist me, then perhaps we could make this a mutually beneficial arrangement."

"You will find no one better suited to guiding someone towards the Mantis' Queen's mountain than us," Elder Frost said with a tap of her cane into her open palm. "But we rarely venture so close to her home. Her children reside within the shadows of the mountain, and there are few hunters more patient and more skilled than they."

"I understand. I am not currently worried about them."

Cinder sat up a little. "Elder. Might I make a proposition?" Elder Frost gestured and Cinder continued. "Sir Harold, I suspect that if anyone could defeat the Mantis Queen it would be you. The Mantis Queen has proven to be the dire enemy of this sect, and of this entire region. If you help us defeat her, then the Ashen Forest would be in your debt. We would do all in our power to help you regain your... phylactery? Yes yes yes. We would help you find it, and others like it. And... perhaps assist your endeavours to the east? The defeat of the Hungering Inferno leaves a vacuum that needs to be filled. I'm certain your General Limpet is up to the task, but with our assistance, it would be done quicker."

It was always like this.

Or rather, there were two broad strokes that things could take.

Once someone had amassed sufficient power, either more would be given to them, or someone would try to wrest it away. Usually, both happened simultaneously.

This, of course, didn't merely apply to magical power. In fact, it was significantly more common with the kinds of power that had a more political bent.

At the moment, I supposed I was technically the ruler of Yu Xiang. It wasn't a great jewel of a city, but it's split from the Jade Empire would be noticed.

With this move, I would essentially gain Shitake City's allegiance as well.

Without doing any of the work.

To some, this would be a great boon. More power, freely given.

I had fallen for the trap myself, once. It didn't take long for me to discover that with great power, came unfortunate levels of responsibility, nagging bureaucrats, tax issues, and a host of other headaches.

I was still tempted. At the moment, the Limpet was the technical leader of everything. The problems would be hers, wouldn't they?

Being the power behind the throne seemed significantly more pleasant.

"Very well," I said. "I will retrieve my phylactery. In exchange for assistance in guiding me to it and giving me all the information you have on this Mantis Queen, I will be folding the Ashen Forest into the territories of... hmm, Name Pending."

"Name Pending?" Char asked.

"Yes. For now."

The cultivators glanced at each other, at least until Soot spoke up. "So, we'll help you, and in exchange, you take over the sect?"

"No, in exchange the sect folds itself into Name Pending. That includes the governance of this city and territory. Of course, it goes without saying that I can't allow a foreign god-like entity to ravage lands ostensibly under my control. So she will have to go."

"Go?" Char asked. Clearly, he liked repeating the last words of any statement I made.

"Die? Perish? Extinguish her light? Pass her away? Succumb? Though... I suppose she is insectile... so, squash? Crush?"

"Exterminate," Cinder added.

"Ah, zap, flatten, smack," I continued.

"I got it," Char said, sounding a bit sour about it, though really he'd brought this on himself.

"In anycase, that's my offer. The removal, relocation, or extermination of some minor godling in exchange for... oh, I'm sure I can draw up an appropriately worded contract that we'll all be happy with."

The room grew deathly (heh) quiet as the members of the sect took in the offer.

Finally, Soot broke the silence. "I think the proposal warrants some serious discussion," he said.

"Some of our elders are in closed-door-cultivation," Elder Frost said. "But they'll need to weigh in on this."

"I think this is important enough to warrant the interruption," Cinder replied.

"We have faced the Mantis Queen for decades. The threat she poses to our people and our city is immeasurable. If we can eliminate her once and for all, it could change the fate of our region. Joining forces with the undead would do the same." Elder Frost eyed me for a good long while. "We shall consider this gravely, Mister Harold the Necromancer. Gravely indeed."

I grinned the sort of grin only a skeleton could grin. "I do feel like grave considerations are a speciality of my craft," I said. "In any case, I look forward to cooperating with you."

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Chapter Eight — Murderous Mantises

Chapter Eight — Murderous Mantises

Rem was bored. Very very bored.

The entire trip from Yu Xiang to Shitake City had been one long boring boring trip filled with nothing to do but be bored and worried.

She had not had a single chance to take a bite out of the annoying maid sitting next to her. Not one! Alex must have known that Rem was looking for an opportunity to lunge and bite their stupid maid head off, because they never lowered their guard.

Once, on the second day of their trip, Rem had stared at Alex's face for a few hours, watching the way the morning sun filtered through Alex's stupid soft hair, the way their eyes focused so diligently on the road, the way their little chin had the faintest of dimples in the middle.

Alex hadn't been paying attention, not until they turned, whipped out a handkerchief, and started to rudely wipe the saliva off of Rem's face.

Rem was going to eat them.

She was biding her time. Waiting for the perfect moment to strike. It would come, of course. Alex would lower their guard one day and Rem would be waiting for that very moment. Then she'd wrap Alex in her strong arms, grab onto Alex's stupid pouty lips, and rip them off Alex's face before chewing their delicious maid intestines.

She was looking forward to it the entire trip, but no, all Rem had found was boredom. Days sitting on a padded bench not designed for mantis' while they rode atop the hilly roads of this nowhere part of the world.

The Flaming Steppes had nothing to see and less to do. It was no wonder the Jade Throne didn't care about this place. Why should they? There was no good hunting, no good fights, the magic in the air was thin and constantly washed away by the wind.

Rem was actually looking forward to getting back to her home.

More or less.

She knew what her mother would do to her if she was caught. The outfit, with the lapels, and the soft silk undershirt, and the warm pants covering all of her legs... that wouldn't be accepted. The Mantis Queen would rip it off of Rem like a little human child ripping into a present, then the nice butler uniform, made by Alex who even Rem would admit was a good tailor, out of materials that seemed like even the most powerful of cultivators would be proud of, would be tossed aside.

Rem was more worried about herself in that situation, of course. She'd be eaten, which was how a lot of her sisters ended.

Rem could still vividly remember the example her mother had made of Mes.

It had taken weeks to get the pieces of that sister cleaned up.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked.

Rem turned towards the maid, then glanced down at what she'd been doing. The tip of her scythe was carving little designs into the wood of the carriage's bench. She was actually very good at that kind of carving. There were several images of mantises, with large scythes and terrifying faces, which was her, and several depictions of maids.

Most of them had their heads drawn on the ground next to them, with fountains of blood coming out of their delicious neck holes. "Nothing," Rem said.

"If you're doing nothing, then maybe we could do it while practising your magic?" Alex asked. They were being encouraging again, with that stupid 'nice' tone like Rem needed any help.

"Rem doesn't need help."

"I didn't say you did," Alex said. A warm maid hand came out and patted Rem on the back. "Just that you might want to practice some more. A butler's job is to improve their master's lot, but also their own."

"Rem's improving herself plenty," Rem said rather testily.

Alex smiled that insufferable smile that Rem kept seeing in her dreams. "Okay. I don't want to push you too hard. The journey to improvement is never-ending, but that doesn't mean that you can't take little breaks along the way. One trick is to switch from one task that's difficult to another that's a little simpler. Like going from cleaning a chimney to simply sweeping the floor."

"Rem doesn't care."

"Anyway. I think with Bone Daddy occupied, we can take a little tour of the city!"

Rem blinked her eyes at that. The suggestion had come out of nowhere. Since they'd arrived in Shitake City, all they'd done was drive the carriage around the city's confusing streets. Rem had been tempted to make a run for it a few times already, but she didn't think she could escape the maid. She definitely couldn't escape Harold.

Mem was gone already, stumbling away like a moron to do whatever stupid thing she was going to do. Probably with her stupid mage hand that she'd figured out before Rem had.

She brought her scythe down onto one of the little mantises carved onto the bench a few times. "Fine," Rem said. "Where does the maid want to go?"

Alex shrugged. "Just exploring. It's nice to know what's available in a city. Local delicacies, sources of raw materials for our work. The food and current fashion trends. Even just knowing where a reliable general store is can be valuable."

Rem rolled her eye stalks around. This was exactly why she didn't want to be a stupid maid, or a butler or whatever. This was a waste of time. Her mother had told her that the only way to grow stronger was to hunt and fight and consume the flesh of things that didn't want to be eaten. Like cultivators and other mantises.