Chapter Four Hundred and Seventy-One — Have Your Day in Court
Chapter Four Hundred and Seventy-One — Have Your Day in Court The judge was attention-grabbing, being all... big and judge-y behind a big desk with a meat-tenderizer and gavel, but what caught my eye more were the monsters in the stand to the side. It seemed as if they were the jury for the first trial.Big Mouth Goblin Judge, level 6, HungryThe monsters were little green guys, with mouths that stretched out from one side of their face to the other. They had lots of sharp, crookedy teeth, and every last one of them was wearing their Sunday best.That was, they were wearing dirtied up suits and sundresses with big stains down the front and rips in the cloth.The judge, a much larger goblinoid, banged his gavel. "Order! Order!" he barked before sweeping a hand across his face to displace some of the white tangles of his wig. "We are here to judge the case of You Lot versus Our Stomachs!"My friends and I glanced at each other, then silently elected Caprica to be spokessylph for the group. She stepped up and cleared her throat. "What are we accused of, your honour?" she asked.The judge narrowed his eyes. "Are you the defendant's legal representative?" he asked, each word enunciated very carefully.Caprica nodded. "I am, you honour.""Hmm hmm, then you must understand, that this case is pro-risotto!"""I... that's not a legal term," Caprica said.The gavel came down with three quick smacks. "Contempt of court! We will recess for one hour! You will have to present your case after that time, or you'll become the case!"Caprica blinked, then turned back towards us. I shrugged back. "Your honour, where can we, ah, better prepare our case?"The judge-goblin huffed, then pointed off to the side, where there was a small wooden door. "You may take your recess in the lunchbreak room! Dismissed!"The jury-goblins cheered and shouted as we gathered up again. "I guess we can check out the break room?" I asked."Or we beat the lot senseless," Amaryllis muttered."Amaryllis, that's not how court works," I said."I don't think most of this is how court works, Broccoli," she replied. "Still, let's see if there's what we need in that room. What's a risotto anyway?""It means small rice," I said."How do you know that?" Booksie asked.I shrugged. "No clue! But I think it's when you cook rice in broth instead of in water.""Let's see if they even have rice before we freak out," Calamity said. "It'll be one hell of a trial if you need to bring the ingredients yourself."We slipped into the lunch-break room, careful to check our corners (and look up) as we entered, but the room was untrapped. Instead, what we found was a pretty large, if ancient, kitchen.A long counter ran the entire length of the back of the room, with a sink built into one part of it. An old wooden stove was pressed up against another wall, with some corded quarter-logs resting against the wall near it.The kitchen was pretty well stocked. Garlic and herbs hung from racks above, and there was a large pantry at the back, wooden shelves with sacks of flour and rice, and even a clunky metal icebox. Calamity opened it, revealing a large block of carved ice above and two shelves filled with perishables."This is actually a lot of food," Booksie said. "More than enough to feed a few goblins, I think.""Yes, but the trial called for a specific meal," Caprica said. "Broccoli, do you have any idea how to cook that risotto?""Ah, nothing specific," I said. "But I think the basics aren't too complicated. Um, we need to cook rice, short-grained rice, in broth. It's an Italian meal, so, I think adding plenty of butter, olive oil, and parmesan can only make it better. Oh! Garlic too, because it's tasty.""I wouldn't mind giving that a taste," Calamity muttered.The shelves in the back did have a sack of short-grained rice. So that part was covered. The complicated part, I figured, was going to be the broth. There wasn't anything pre-made. No little cardboard box with a tear-off tab."Awa, I'll get the stove going," Awen said."I'll get the water," Calamity said.I nodded, then we got to work making the broth. I chopped veggies with Booksie and Amaryllis' help while Caprica moved from one station to the next. We found a large pot, filled it with water, then started chucking veggies into it.The veggies weren't anything complicated, just lots of carrots and onions and I tossed in a few herbs from the spice rack as well, parsley and thyme and a few bay leaves that smelled nice and fresh.Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation."How long do we boil this for?" Caprica asked as she deftly handled a long wooden spoon."Uh, a few hours?" I asked."Broccoli, we only have forty minutes left," Amaryllis said."Oops?""Well, this is a pickle," Booksie said. "Can we hurry it up?""I don't think so? The whole point is that the water gets all of the flavour from the veggies, and that means simmering for a while," I said."A while which we very pointedly don't have," Amaryllis said.I huffed a 'I know that' huff right back at her. She grinned at me. "Well, we'll just need to take some short-cuts. Let's get everything ready for the next steps while that simmers, at least. Can we get a second pot ready with the rice? And plates. And there are more veggies to peel and cut, we should grate the cheese too!""We'll have to make up for the broth being a little thin by covering it up with a heaping of everything else," Booksie said with a nod. "I'll mince some garlic. Caprica, keep an eye on the broth. I think the stuff rising to the top can be discarded. Calamity, can you get to the onions?""Nya really wanna see me cryin' that badly?""And we should cook something to go on the side. Asparagus and mushrooms?" Booksie asked."With butter!" I added.Things came together surprisingly quickly. We sauteed the veggies in oil and butter, adding the minced garlic and chopped onions as we went, then we filled a second pan with rice and transferred the broth over one ladleful at a time while Awen kept the stove warm.I was starting to get worried about the time. The rice was cooking, but it was still a little stiff.Still, with little time left, we started to plate the rice, adding the sauteed veggies, then dumping a generous amount of cheese, butter, and salt atop it all, because if the base wasn't great we could at least mask it all with delicious cheese.I was realising with a pang that my last meal was a while ago, because even if I wasn't super hungry, the smells of our cooking was doing mean things to my tummy."We have extra!" Calamity cheered."Should we make the portions bigger?" Booksie asked."We should taste test it," Caprica said with a serious nod. I think that she was mostly making a logical excuse though, especially knowing about sylph appetites.We didn't need much encouragement to grab a few extra bowls and pour some of the rice in with a bit of the leftover cheese and veggies. Then we dug in. "Mmm!" I said. "It's yummy!""The rice is a little undercooked," Booksie said, being a little more critical. "And I think we might have added too much garlic. There's such a thing as too much. Oh... and I think we didn't chop some of the veggies that well, I think I just bit into a bit of root.""We'll just have to hope that it's enough to pass," Amaryllis said with a nod. "Worst case, we simply murder our way through.""Ah, that's a little... violent," Awen said."I'm just saying: it's an option," Amaryllis said. "Now, grab a plate with those fancy human hands of yours."We stepped out into the courtroom once more, this time carrying a couple of plates each. We had to walk carefully, since we didn't want all of our hard work to end up splashed across the floor.The judge banged his gavel, then wiped the edge of his robe across his mouth. "Is that evidence you bring before us?" he asked.Caprica nodded. "Yes, your honour, as requested, we've brought some... evidence that we'd like to present to the jury. With your permission?"The jury looked like they would riot if the judge didn't say yes. He gestured us forwards, and we placed our plates on the lip of the barrier before the jury. The judge, of course, got the biggest plate."It's time for a deliberation!" the judge declared.Then he and the other goblins started to eat.My appetite plummeted, and not just because I'd just had a snack. It took everything I had not to let loose with Cleaning magic as the goblins completely ignored the cutlery we brought out and started shoving fistfulls of the risotto we'd cooked into their mouths.Within seconds, they were licking their plates clean."Jury, what is your verdict?" the judge asked.One of the goblins stood up, burped loudly, then licked his chops. "Satisfied!"The judge banged his gavel. "The court finds you... not guilty. You may proceed out of the courtroom."
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Chapter Four Hundred and Seventy-Two — All You Can't Eat
Chapter Four Hundred and Seventy-Two — All You Can't Eat "Alright, before we go any deeper, we should take a minute to go over what we'll be facing on the second floor," Amaryllis said. She was already pulling the big book out of her bag and tugging it open to the right page."I hope it's not more eating, I expect dungeons to be good exercise, not places where I get stuffed," Calamity said with a pat to his tummy."Hpmf, no worries about that," Amaryllis said as she tapped the tip of a talon at the page. "The second floor of this dungeon is one where we won't have a choice but to fight. There's a small puzzle by the exit, but it seems like it's a very easy one.""What kind of fighting?" I asked."Nothing too complicated. The floor is laid out as a very basic maze. The last delver who went through said that the 'right hand rule' was able to solve it within half an hour. The enemies on this floor aren't anything too special. Imps of some sort or another."We all nodded, then stopped. "What's an imp?" Awen asked.Amaryllis shrugged. "Some small lizard, I think? I don't know.""Aren't they little devil people?" I asked."I thought they were insects," Caprica muttered.Amaryllis cleared her throat. "In any case. These imps drop pages when they die. These are the pages of a recipe book. The exit to the maze has... hmm, the notes aren't too precise, but it says here that you need to complete the recipe blocks by the door and it'll open for you. In any case, the floor boils down to killing these imps and walking around for a bit. Let me handle the puzzle at the end.""I'm not sure if I'm really capable of fighting so much," Booksie said. She tightened her grip on her club. "B-but I'll give it my best!"Awen reached over and patted the bun on the back. "It's not so bad. A little scary, but not so bad.""We'll keep you safe," I promised. "We can keep Booksie in the centre of our formation, so she won't have to fight anything to begin with.""No!" Booksie said. "No, I want to help, please? The whole goal of this is to help me become stronger, and I won't gain any strength if I'm forever coddled and kept safe.""That's the spirit!" Desiree said. "Let's show these imp creatures your fearsome determination!"The tunnel leading from the first floor of the dungeon to the second was just a long corridor with a handful of random 45-degree turns in it. The walls were strangely familiar, something like drywall, painted an inoffensive pastel green over flooring that looked suspiciously like linoleum.Interestingly, the second floor of the dungeon wasn't below the first, but just just deeper in. It started with a door. It was one of those easy-to-open doors you'd find between a kitchen and the main floor of a restaurant, the sort with no handle and hinges that went both ways."Okay," I said. "Caprica and I will be at the front. Then Amaryllis, Booksie, and Desiree. Calamity and Awen, can you take up the rear?"The formation was meant to keep Booksie safe. Yes, she wanted to help, but I wasn't going to let her help from the very front where she might get chewed on by an imp.I pushed the door open with a shoulder, then levelled my weapon. I had Weedbane with me, so I flicked the warscythe around, the sharpened end snapping into place so that it was more of a spear than just a plain scythe.Caprica next to me slid her sword out of its sheath. She had a shield with her too, and from the way she moved to place it a little bit ahead of both of us, it looked like she was ready to defend both of us with it.I glanced back, just to make sure everyone was ready. Amaryllis had her wand-dagger out, Calamity his bow and Awen her repeating crossbow loaded up and ready to go. Booksie looked a little stiff, holding her club like a baseball bat, but she seemed ready too. Desiree was the only unarmed one in our group, but she met my eye and smiled before flicking her tails and making two fireballs appear on the tips.The second floor of the dungeon started with a sharp right turn. The walls were wood-panelled, and I was surprised to note that there was furniture strewn about all over. Tables, with little tablecloths on them and a random assortment of plates and utensils sitting on them, and a couple of passages leading away.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it."It looks like a restaurant," Caprica said. "A strange one.""Yeah," I agreed.We didn't have much of a choice on where to go for this part, so we started towards the right, moving at a very slow walking pace. I kept looking up towards the ceiling above. There were chandeliers hanging from above, and a few wall sconces bearing candles for light, but shadows still pooled above around the corners.I was so ready for an imp to come flying down from the ceiling that I was caught completely off-guard when one of them slipped out from under the tablecloth around a table and zipped towards my legs."Eyes on the floor!" Caprica said.She stepped forwards and squatted down in a quick, smooth motion that brought the front of her shield right in the path of the imp. It was a hairless little guy, with red skin and a tablecloth around his hips.It banged against the shield with a hard thump, then flipped backwards onto the ground. I thrust Weedbane at it, and felt a slight tug as the edge of the scythe cut into the imp. "Quick! Booksie, it's hurt! Give it a bonk!"Booksie screamed and charged past me, both arms raised over her head and her eyes closed.Still, she brought her club down hard, hit the ground, then swung it back up and down again to bonk the imp on the head.The little imp, a small reddish-brown humanoid, with thin little wings and a skeletally-thin body, went splat.Within seconds, it was turning into so much dust and I got a message from Mister Menu.Ding! Congratulations, you have bonked Ravenous Imp cat, level 6!Due to combating as a team your reward is reduced!"I did it!" Booksie gasped."Well done!" I said as I patted her on the shoulder. At the same time, my friends moved in around us, keeping an eye out for more imps."That thing didn't look all that strong. What level was it?" Calamity asked."Six," Caprica said. "A Skeletal Imp. It dropped something." She knelt, then rose with a small sheet of crumpled paper. "This must be one of those recipe parts you mentioned, Amaryllis.""Looks like it," Amaryllis agreed as she took the page and carefully unfolded it. "Yes, this looks like a part of cookbook. There's a page number in the corner and everything." She held the page up, and it was easy to see where it had been ripped out of whatever book it belonged to.I supposed we'd be finding more of those as we went. "Let's keep moving. We're sticking to the right-hand rule, right?" That was an easy enough trick. As long as we kept a wall to the right of us, then we'd eventually be able to solve the entire maze!Unless the book was out-of-date and the right-hand rule no longer worked.Well, we'd figure that out if it came to it, I was sure!The restaurant theme continued as we moved deeper in the maze. Old paintings hung on the walls, with pretty landscapes and sometimes some impressionistic figures. A lot of the paintings actually had random courthouses in them, and the people were often dressed in severe black robes."Stay sharp," Caprica whispered when she caught me staring. "I think I heard something ahead.""Okay," I muttered back.True to her word, it wasn't long before more imps showed up. They darted from around both corners of an intersection, little red blurs that scrabbling our way with fearsome, squeaky cries.Amaryllis was quick to react, her dagger-wand flashing with a bright burst of electrical light. Her bolts struck true, frying the first imp and connecting to the second to send it tumbling our way. It caught an arrow from Calamity mid-flop and came ragdolling toward us."I feel like we might be overleveled," I said."There's no such thing," Amaryllis said. "Only those who are ready to face an obstacle, and those who aren't.""I guess. But this almost feels unfair for the poor imps.""Broccoli, they want to eat us.""Ah," I said. That was a fair point. "Well, we're not going to give them a chance!"With a couple more pages added to Amaryllis' pile, we continued on through the dungeon. It didn't take long before we were ambushed again, then again, then yet again, but really, a few imps coming at us while yowling wasn't all that big of a threat.I figured we'd come out of this floor without too much trouble.
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