Chapter Five Hundred and Seven — Crimes Against Our Sanity
Chapter Five Hundred and Seven — Crimes Against Our Sanity I woke up to a small surprise.Congratulations! Through repeated actions your Snoozing skill has improved and is now eligible for rank up!Rank D is a free rank!Neat! I'd kinda sorta forgotten about that skill, but... well, it was going to level up all on its own. Was it why I woke up feeling so refreshed? Or was that because I ate well, exercised a lot, and got to sleep snuggled up between two friends on Miss Laine's floor?In any case, I was happy to be heading out, but my happiness was nowhere near Miss Laine's. She was practically buzzing around her little kitchen as she prepared what she called her 'get out of my house' porridge.It tasted pretty good for something meant to get us out the door, but I supposed that it also worked because only an hour or two after the sun rose, we were ready to go. Sir Aberrforth packed his tent dejectedly, but he had a few pals to help him, so it wasn't all that bad.I wanted to stick around and help, but Amaryllis was insistent that we head out sooner rather than later. Technically, our mission was done here, and the sooner we arrived back in Port Royal, the sooner we'd get paid.She doubted that Sir Aberrforth would get lost between here and the city, and I kinda doubted the same. His team of grenoil explorers didn't seem overly happy with him at the moment. Poor Aberrforth.In any case, we left a bit of money with Miss Laine to thank her for the meal and the overnight stay, as well as some rations that we could spare. She was thankful for the small set of emergency potions that Amaryllis gave to her. I supposed that even a self-proclaimed witch had room for that kind of thing.And then we were off."So..." I said once we were a good twenty minutes away from Miss Laine's place and basically retracing our steps from the way over. "I should probably tell you what happened in the mine.""You have been quiet about that," Amaryllis said."Ah, did something bad happen before you met us?" Awen asked.I chewed on my lower lip, then nodded. "Bad and not so bad? I met Miss Laine's monster. He was just an old, old Riftwalker that had, uh, maybe lost a few marbles? Once he arrived on Dirt, he went ... mean. Eventually, that caught up with him and he got locked up tight in the mine. Actually, his actions from way back then reminded me a bit of Rainnewt, in some ways, though I think he's much better now.""Much... Broccoli, this is the opposite of reassuring," Amaryllis said. She almost looked ready to turn around."Rainnewt is that dastardly villain that you have been fighting for some time now, is he not?" Desiree asked."Uh, okay, starting from the start," I said. "Yes, Rainnewt is the baddy we've been fighting for a while. And the man down in the mines wasn't quite like that. He got, uh, kinda enraptured by a weird twisty dungeon core that let him see alternate pasts and which encouraged him to become obsessed with becoming stronger? And that led him to do a lot of really bad things until he was trapped in the mines by... I guess Miss Laine's ancestors. But it has been a very long time, so he's better now?"Amaryllis groaned into her talons. "Broccoli," she said.Awen shook her head next to her too. "Broc," she repeated, sounding a little disappointed."What? I destroyed the weird core in the end. Uh, but not before the riftwalker tried to use it to tempt me. Or maybe it was to teach me a lesson? It didn't really work.""Broccoli," Amaryllis said, again. She really liked the sound of my name today. "You... urgh, I don't even know where to begin. Awen, you chastise her for me.""Awa, okay? Um, Broccoli that was very... um... silly?""Aww," I said. "I got two more General points for it. I'm sorry I couldn't share them with everyone this time.""This time?" Desiree asked. "Do you frequently commit what is widely regarded as the most heinous crime imaginable?" she was smiling as she asked it, but I still felt a slight shiver run down my spine."Uh," I said. "No? Not frequently? Only when there's a quest or something... well, this time was different! The core was on a weird magic plinth thing, not like a normal dungeon core plinth, and it was being magiced by stuff. It was definitely not in a normal dungeon core room, and stuff had been done to it. I think to power the past-seeing spell that happened whenever it was touched."If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.Amaryllis groaned louder. "Broccoli... that sounds like impossibly illegal magic. Do you know how much people would be willing to give to study that?""... But you just said it's super illegal?" I asked."And you think that would decrease the value?" she asked.Amaryllis started to question me about the core, the magic around it, the feel of it to my magical senses, and everything else. I tried my best to answer all of her questions. Calamity joined in eventually, but he was more curious about what other past Broccolis were like. He was a little disappointed to learn that this real version of me was the only one to ever meet him, but that was okay.We chitted and we chatted for a long while, at least until noon rolled around and we found ourselves on the outskirts of that little grenoil town we'd been to on our first day out. From there, it was easy to hitch a ride on a wagon that happened to be heading out to Port Royal.We cut off the discussions about anything possibly-illegal we'd done as we rode out towards the city on the side of the mountain.I wasn't sure if riding in the back of a cart was faster than walking or not, but the farmer bringing the cart to the city but the farmer was the sort of lifelong local who knew the land like the back of his hand, so he did take a much shorter route consisting mostly of shortcuts.Port Royal eventually appeared out above us, first by the increased number of ships in the air, then we spotted a flash as Cholondee circled the top of the mountain, and finally the city came into view as we came up a rise at the foothills of the mountain.It was weird, I'd been on Dirt for a good while already, and yet I was still used to the speed of cars. So what looked like it should only be a half-hour's drive away took a couple of hours instead by cart and on foot.We did make it to the city by midafternoon though, just in time to be really hungry, but not so hungry that we wanted to dip into our rations instead of making it to a restaurant.We rode one of the lifts up the side of the mountain. There was a small discount for Exploration Guild members, and the person selling tickets didn't check to see if we were all members, which was like a bonus discount that I only felt a little bit guilty about.The moment we arrived in Port Royal proper, we had a choice to make. Back to the Beaver Cleaver, or the Exploration Guild, or, as a third option, we could head out to say hi to Booksie. "I think I'd like to visit Booksie first, and maybe get something to eat," I said.Amaryllis huffed. "And skip out on reporting our successful mission?""Yes?" I tried. "Unless we split up again? A few of us check on Booksie and some of us go to the Guild to make sure to hand in the mission? Then we meet up again for lunch at the Beaver?"Amaryllis considered it, then nodded. "Fine. Who wants to come with me to report?"There was a long, long beat of awkward silence."Ah... okay, I guess I'll come," Awen said.Amaryllis had her talons on her hips by then. "I see how it is. Just a bit of concern over our professionalism and suddenly no one cares.""It is kind of boring," Calamity said.I shook my head. I did feel a little bad for Amaryllis. "Let's all go to the guild, then," I said. "It shouldn't take long, right?""It shouldn't," Amaryllis said. "We report our success, that Aberrforth is returning, then fill out a few forms. I can take them with us and fill them out tonight, to save us all some time now.""That sounds great," I said with a happy nod.One of the city's guards ran over to us, and for a moment I felt a little nervous. There couldn't be good reasons for an on-duty guardsman to single someone out, could there? "Excuse me, are you Broccoli Bunch?""Uh, yes?" I said. I wanted to slip behind my friends so that I wouldn't have to lie, but it was a little too late for that.He smiled and gestured back into the city. "Miss, ah, Booksie was looking for you.""And she has the guard looking on her behalf?" Amaryllis asked.He shrugged. "She's kind of running the guard by the nose. Well, her sylph friend is, in any case. The city really wants to please her right now, and we mostly don't mind. The big wedding sounds like the biggest party Port Royal will throw this century!"I glanced at my friends. That would require a little change of plans, then. Also, I was starting to suspect that things might have blown themselves out of proportion while we were away.
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Chapter Five Hundred and Eight — Bridal Wail
Chapter Five Hundred and Eight — Bridal Wail "Broccoli!" Booksie said as soon as we entered her shop.She lunged across the store, and a moment later I'd had the wind knocked out of me by two armfuls of crying bun. I would've fallen backwards into the street if Amaryllis hadn't put a hand on my back to hold me upright.I pulled air back into my lungs. "Booksie?" I asked.After that guard told us that Booksie needed help, we'd decided against splitting up or even stopping to grab a bite. Instead the lot of us had made good time across Port Royal to get to Booksie's shop.I don't know why, but I half expected to discover a crater or something on arriving, but other than... a bit of a huge mess inside, the shop looked like it was normal."Hey, there there," I said as I started to rub circles into Booksie's back. I didn't know why she was crying, but the least I could do was comfort her.Was it the wedding? Wait, no, that was a silly thought, of course it was the wedding. Was the stress getting to her? Was she getting cold feet now that it was so close? I'd heard of that kind of thing happening, and it sounded super scary.Booksie sniffed, then pulled back and tugged an ear down to dab at her eyes. "S-sorry," she said. "Oh, it's good to see you. All of you. Please, come in, I'm blocking the entrance, aren't I?""It's okay," I said, and my friends murmured similar sentiments behind me. "Come on, let's get you sitting, and then you can tell me everything that went wrong, okay?""Okay," she said before pulling a small tissue from her pocket to blow her nose."Where's Caprica?" Amaryllis asked as she looked around. The store did seem rather empty at the moment."She's been helping a lot," Booksie said. "But I think she's at the embassy now? Or talking to the guards? I don't think I've seen her sit down since your group left. She's running around more than I have been.""That... does sound like her, yeah.""She keeps saying that this wedding is a practice run for something called the bastion? Some sort of castle, maybe?""Uh," I said. I suddenly felt a bit of cold sweat pooling on my back. "Yeah, something like that."I ushered Booksie into a seat, then sat down next to her so that I could continue keeping her close. Stress was bad, but hugs were good. Back rubs helped too, of course."Can you tell us what's going on? Since we left, I mean? Maybe venting it all out will help? And we're back in the city now, we can put off getting any more guild jobs until the wedding is nice and over with. That way we'll be here to help.""Thank you," Booksie said. She balled her hands into fists on her lap and then took a deep breath. "I think I had a small panic attack earlier. I broke out into cold sweats and I felt dizzy. It was like someone was squeezing my chest.""Oh no," I said. I gave up on the backrubs and instead leaned to the side. Awen, being a good friend, sat on Booksie's other side and placed a hand over Booksie's. "Are you better now?""I'm fine," Booksie said. "It's just... so much.""I get that," I said. "Weddings are complicated.""Is the groom helping at all?" Desiree asked.Booksie groaned. "He tried. I've decided that he's not allowed to help anymore. I had to find a new caterer because he threatened to burn down the last one.""Ah," I said. "Well, at least he's... trying to be helpful?"Booksie nodded along. "He tried, and it's sweet of him. It's only... well, there are certain difficulties when you're an adult dragon that people don't consider."Desiree tilted her head to one side. "I would have thought being a dragon would be a significant advantage, but I suppose it does have some downsides.""Mhm," I agreed. "Okay. Let's help, then. Tell me everything that went wrong. Amaryllis?""Yes?" Amaryllis asked."Can you take notes, please? I don't want to forget anything."Amaryllis shrugged, then removed her pack and fished out a notepad from within, then summoned a pen with her banking ring to take note with. "I'm ready," she said.Booksie took in a deep, deep breath, and I immediately started to worry. No one who only had a few simple problems needed that much of a lungful to express them all. "So, the venue is a mess. I wanted it to be something nice and simple, maybe at one of the local venues that are just big enough for friends and family, but then Rhawr won't fit, and you can forget his family fitting, so I decided to rent a field next to the city, but that's too small and not official enough, so we don't have a venue."Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit."Oh boy," I said."We want, or rather need, vendors set up around the venue, wherever that ends up being, but the local vendors are worried and no one can quote us a reasonable price. And I don't want any foods that smell too strongly, but they're being picky about it.""Noted," Amaryllis said."My dress needs fitting. I just haven't had the time for that. Rhawr's suit too. The bridesmaids outfits... oh god, I need bridesmaids. Broccoli?""Me?" I asked. She nodded. "Okay!""Thank you! Okay! Okay... I'll ask Caprica as well. I think I need to ask Cholondee, which means a dress at her scale. And I need a few more..." She eyed my friends."I'll be organising," Amaryllis said. "I can't be slapping idiots around in a pretty dress.""Awa, I don't mind?""Perfect!" Booksie said. "Alright, next, the guest list keeps changing. I thought it would be small, but now I have dignitaries. Dignitaries. I think that's Caprica's fault, being a princess from one nation means others need to step up as well, at least the local nations. But no one is sending their RSVPs back! It's been two days! Why hasn't anyone replied?""That's rude of them," I said."Noted," Amaryllis added."The weather's going to be a mess. The local Meteomage said that it'll rain. Now the mage's guild wants to charge a fortune to fix the weather. Rhawr said he'll blow the rain away, but that always gets the local farmer's guild in a huff.""Noted as well," Amaryllis said.Booksie nodded. "There's sound equipment we need. The Exploration guild volunteered theirs, but it's decades old.""Ah, I can look at it," Awen said."No, you can't. This is a huge undertaking. We need experts, and a lot of them," Booksie said. "This isn't something simple like an airship, this is a wedding!""We'll figure it out," I said. More back rubs were needed.She swallowed. "We need to make sure there's room for landings near the wedding site, Rhawr's mom will be there. She takes up... space. Which means warning the city's transportation department.""Got it," Amaryllis said."Catering is a mess. There's some family drama that I don't want to get into on Rhawr's side of things. This is the one time I'm happy that my own family is so far away. The big ring, Rhawr's, was stolen. Cholondee is on that one. Oh, and there's legal issues!""Legal issues?" Desiree repeated.Booksie slumped. "Deepmarsh accepts interspecies marriages, but they have a list, and Bun and Dragon aren't on it. So technically we can't legally be married here because that old law wasn't written to be inclusive of non-traditional things or some such. Also technically, Rhawr said he'd burn down the capital if they kept sticking their noses into things.""That does sound complicated," I said. "Maybe we need a solicitor as a first step, before resorting to dragon fire.""You'd think that, but there's nothing that moves a bureaucracy faster than an annoyed dragon," Booksie said.Amaryllis lowered her notepad. She had gone to a second page after filling the first. "Is that everything?""I think that's enough, don't you?" Booksie asked."Oh, it's plenty," Amaryllis said. "We'll never get all of this done if only one person tackles it all. We're going to need to split this into tasks.""Two-by-two?" I asked. "It'll be easier if we're not all alone.""I suppose so," Amaryllis said. "Booksie, Broccoli, Awen, you'll go to the dressmakers. You need to be there personally for that one. Broccoli, after that, your task is the vendors. I'll take care of the venue. Awen, Desiree, can you two take care of the weather and the sound issues? Calamity... come with me, and then we'll see about the missing ring.""What about all the other problems?" I asked."Those can wait until we've fixed this first batch," Amaryllis said. She clapped her wings. "Okay, you know where to go. Get going, we only have days to get ready. Chop chop."
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