Chapter One — Like You've Seen a Ghost
I swung my foot around, searching for purchase across the stony wall until I felt an outcropping big enough that the toes of my shoe could grab on. Bouncing a few times, I tested my weight and balance on the hold, then gently moved my other foot around while lowering my body.I had been climbing for a whole ten minutes already, and so far my descent had lowered me by maybe six or so feet. It was hard and slow and a little nerve-wracking. Not having any ropes was the worst part of it.My original goal had been to climb all the way to the bottom, but there was a window a whole lot closer to the ground and it didn’t seem to be blocked by anything, any frame it might have held long gone.Crossing my fingers — metaphorically, because if I let go of the wall I would go splat-I hoped that there would be a way to move down the tower from within.It was some long, sweaty work, with the sun straight above and beaming down on my head, but I managed to make it close enough to the side of the window to peek inside.The room was a mess, with large wooden racks toppled over and part of the floor, wooden this time, burned though. Still, other than a few cobweb-weaving spiders there wasn’t much to see.I stepped on the window sill and crouched down before placing one foot on the floor. It held my weight with no creaking or bouncing, so I hopped down. I had made it! The door to this room was a splintered mess on the ground, as if someone had burst through in a hurry, and I could kind of guess why.This was an armory. There were racks for armour off to one side, with a few scraps of cloth and leather left behind.Loot!With an eager giggle I bounced over to the racks and tried picking up some neat looking pauldrons, but the leather was dry and cracked and broke apart almost as soon as I grabbed it. The cloth armour beneath was little better.This place had been abandoned for a long time, I guessed.The racks that had tumbled over looked like they were meant to hold weapons on them, spears or swords. I started toeing around the rubble and a couple of pokes with my foot revealed some spearheads lying on the ground, shafts long gone. The racks were made of sturdier wood, or wood that didn’t rot, maybe.And then I found it.Nearly buried under a pile of wood and coloured nearly the same brown was a sword. Not just any sword, but a huge thing that was longer than my entire armspan.It took plenty of grunting and lifting and some more sweat to yank it out, but soon enough I held my prize before me. The sword was bent in its middle, and the edge was nicked quite badly, and maybe it was a teensy bit very rusted, but I now had a sword!I spun around, sword raised above my head in victory and cheered.“Rwraa,” someone, or something, said.I froze, body going rigid at the sound.I wasn’t alone.Lowering my new sword, I moved towards the door, carefully avoiding the burnt hole in the ground in case I fell through. I tried to move as silently as I could as I poked my head out into a corridor lined with slitted windows on either side. The tower was apparently part of a bigger facility, placed at a corner where two long corridors met. One ended about two dozen meters to my right in a staircase that dropped down, the other passage was blocked by fallen masonry, the light of day shining through the cracks.“Hello?” I asked.“Rrer.”The noise was... a growl? Maybe? It sounded more like the kind of noise I’d make if you were to try and poke me awake. It came from the passage with the stairs.Placing my sword on my shoulder, I moved towards the nearest arrow slit, this one facing the opposite direction from the wall I had scaled down.There was a town!Not a big one. I counted fifteen roofs, most just a little lower than the level I was on, and in bad need of some patchwork. Some looked to have been lit on fire a long time ago, timbers showing past missing roof tiles. The building I was in seemed to be a tall wall that circled all the way around the town, another tower placed on the opposite end from where I was.There was a lot you could tell about people from the kind of house they lived in. All of these had different sorts of shingles, with most of them a sort of dull clay-red. Every house had a chimney and I couldn’t see any wires running from home to home.That confirmed a few things for me. Whoever had lived here was human-sized. The armour helped narrow that down too.I moved on. There would be plenty of time to explore soon. I was certainly looking forward to it!The descent to the next floor down was much easier with steps as opposed to rock climbing. I wholeheartedly approved of steps. The bottom floor was a mess. Old soggy papers turned to mulch on the ground, barely leaving an imprint, stains that I hoped weren’t blood. Lots of signs that there had been a fire.There was an exit, at one time, a sort of archway with a large door in it leading into the village, but it had collapsed. And under the pile of rubble from that collapse was the mysterious stranger making all that noise.I swallowed as I stared at the skeleton stuck under a few choice stones. Glowing eyes fixed onto me and its head and neck wobbled a little, the one arm that wasn’t pinned in place wiggling futilely in my direction. “Rraaer,” it said.The room across from the archway where the skeleton was pinned looked like a sort of office space. Big old desks covered in rotting papers and the tattered remains of a flag on one wall. Another wall had had a hole blown through it, revealing a bunch of beds in neat rows with chests next to them.If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.Nothing that could hurt me.“Ah, hi?” I asked.“Rrr,” the skeleton replied. He seemed dead set on hurting me.I held back an inappropriate giggle and moved closer. “Hey there,” I said in the same voice I would use to greet a doggy. “You’re a nice skeleton aren’t you? Yes you are!”“Rraarararrr!” the skeleton replied. He didn’t like that I was coming closer.“So, magic really is real around here,” I said, the giddiness in my tummy returning. “I’m sorry, Mister Skeleton. Didn’t mean to disturb your rest.”I should probably have considered burying the poor thing. It was rather pitiful. Then again, I had yet to explore the rest of the tower. Maybe there was a crypt I could put him in? Or a nice graveyard. I considered using my handy dandy new sword, but Mister Skeleton had never done anything to me.“Is it mister or miss skeleton?” I asked.“Rrr.”“Hmm,” I hummed. “How about Bonesy. Nice and gender, and life, neutral.”“Rraarrara.”“I agree,” I said. “It’s a fine name.” I reached down and patted Bonesy where it couldn’t reach its head. “I’ll be back.”The office was split into two parts. The front more of a reception area of some sort and the back a more private and secluded office. With the little light coming in from the passage where Bonesy was resting it was hard to tell.I searched through the desks, prying drawers open with my Greatsword of Prying +1 but only found rotten knick knacks and some papers that were impossible to read in the low light. I stacked those that looked to be in better shape on the desk nearest the exit.The big office at the back didn’t have much more in it. A few bottles tucked in the desk, still closed and with labels that, when brought to the light, revealed designs of grapes on them. A rusted flask, a dagger that was in even worse shape than my sword.There was a chest behind the desk, in surprisingly good shape, but I couldn’t find a way to open it.I managed to drag it closer to the front, but the effort wasn’t worth it, and my Greatsword of Prying +1 wasn’t tough enough to open the chest. All I managed was to make the tip break off when I tried.Giving up for now, I moved into the barracks.The mattresses were all filled with rotting hay and the entire room stank of mildew. The smell only grew worse when I found a small bathroom of sorts tucked in the back. Each chest was opened and each of them was a disappointment. They were either empty already or the only things within were old and stinky.Worn boots, some cloth that resembled swiss cheese, a few belts that were stiffer than my sword. I did find a few coppery coins that had turned green with verdigris spilling out of a pierced sack, and one chest had a haversack that was in decent shape. It was empty, but that changed as soon as I put my newfound coppery wealth in it.A peek into the bathroom revealed something neat. There was a shower, which confused me until I noticed the stone covered in strange glyphs held by a sort of metal sconce above.Magic showers! Neat.I found a sort of pad on the wall that had a corresponding glyph on it, but pressing did nothing.Pressing and pouting also did nothing. But pressing and pushing with my mind, as if I had to poop really bad, made the glyph above glow and a spray of water came out. It was weak, and lukewarm, and I might have shrieked when it splattered onto my head, but it was water.I wasn’t going to die of dehydration! Yay!The only other thing of interest was a small cupboard filled with cleaning supplies. A mop that didn’t look usable, some clothes that were moth worn but still usable. Another broom and a dustpan and bucket.Well, I already had some levels in cleaning...I weighed the value of cleaning out the old barracks against resuming my explorations. In the end, exploration won out handily.Grinning from ear to ear, I pressed on past Bonesy and down the main corridor inside the wall. A convenient hole in the wall allowed me to squeeze out of the barracks with my haversack and sword in tow.I had a town to explore! If I was lucky I would find some food and a place to rest for later. Maybe some clothes and a way to contact people. Oh, and magical tomes, and ancient swords and of course a bunch of new friends!It was going to be brilliant!I exited behind a stout little house that was squished between two others. There had been a fence behind it, but it was torn apart at some point long ago. I moved around the house, intending to circle the town and see everything before checking in the houses one by one. A map would have been nice, or a Geography for Dummies book in English.Instead, as I rounded the corner of the house and moved into an alleyway, I came face-to-back with a floating, white specter.It was a person, sorta. A hazy image suspended in the air, their clothes fluttering in a wind that I couldn’t feel. I felt colder just watching them. Not a metaphorical cold either.“H-hello! My name is Broccoli, do you want to be friends?” I asked.The ghost turned around slowly, its placid, bored face tilting down to look at me. Then its features turned ugly and it screeched.You have heard the screech of a fearsome creature! Your soul is shaken.I shook. Arms and legs and chest wobbling as the ghost moved in closer, one hand moving back as it got ready to swipe at me.My sword! I remembered my sword and flung the heavy piece of steel at the ghost, only to see it fly through the monster and bounce on the ground behind it. “Oh, shoot. I’m sorry Mister Ghost I didn’t mean to and I’m sorry and oh I don’t want to die, I’m leaving now!”I turned tail and ran.
Chapter Two — Who You Gonna Call?
The ghost followed. It didn’t make a sound, merely floated at a pace that was just a bit faster than walking, its long cloth-like robes fluttering in an invisible wind behind it as it trailed after me. Still, that look on its face, of indescribable rage and anger never faded, and the soft white glow of its eyes locked onto me and didn’t let go.I ran back through the crack in the wall, then back down the passage. I hoped that it wouldn’t follow, but that was dashed when first a hand, then an arm started to push through the wall. The ghost glowed faintly, especially where it was phasing through.Still, the motion slowed it down.“Rarr,” Bonsey said as I stumbled past him and into the office. Something, I needed something to hurt the ghost. I ran out with a bottle of wine that flew through the ghost’s form and smashed against a wall uselessly, the stick-once a chair leg-that I threw next did the same.I looked around, then picked up Bonesy’s head. “Bite him!” I said as I flung the skeletal head at my adversary.Bonesy ‘rawred’ as he flew through the air, then, much to my surprise and that of the ghost, the skeletal head chomped down on the ghost’s face. “Rarg, ragr, rarre,” Bonesy said as he chewed.I stared, then it clicked. Bonesy was magic. Magic worked on ghosts. It was all rather obvious.Running into the barracks, I passed the beds and moved into the bathroom. The showerhead glyph was stuck in a metallic basket above, one that wasn’t meant to be pried out of the wall, but I had desperation on my side. It came off with a clang and crunch, leaving me with a rusty metal basket and a magical, faintly luminescent stone in it that was still dripping water onto the ground.The ghost had freed itself from Bonesy’s mouthy grasp but not without suffering from my boney friend’s cruel ministrations. There were tears in its ghostly form, and whitish vapour was pouring out of it.I edged closer to the ghost, hoping to slip by it, but the evil-no-good monster blocked my path and spread its arms out as if to give me the deadest hug ever.“I’m sorry!” I said as I held the showerhead before me. “I just wanted to say hi.”The ghost didn’t care, he, it, just advanced on me.I clocked it in the jaw with my magical showerhead.The ghost wavered in the air, its face distorted, the anger turned to pain for a moment before returning tenfold. It swiped at me, but I ducked and moved so that a bed was between us. Its next swipe clawed through the mattress with ease.“I’m really sorry,” I said again as I moved up to the ghost and swiped through its entire body with the shower head from head to crotch. There was some resistance... then nothing.The ghost split apart, both halves smoking as it turned into a fine white dust that spread across the floor.I sneezed.Ding! Congratulations, you have murdered ‘Sentinel Ghost of Threewells by Darkwood’ Level 1! Bonus Exp was granted for brutally killing a monster above your level!“M-murdered?” I repeated before I tried to grab the box. “That wasn’t murder, it was self-defence! Self-defence! Where’s my jury of peers?”“Rar?” Bonsey asked.“You don’t count.” I snapped back; then I regretted it. Bonesy had helped a lot. “Sorry. I’m a bit stressed.”I brought my showerhead with me as I moved around, now vigilant for any ghosts. The Sentinel Ghost hadn’t seemed all that good at guarding really, but maybe there were more and maybe they patrolled. I would have to sleep with one eye open.Still, I had learned a few important lessons:Ghosts weren’t magic resistant at all.They were also scary.Bonesy’s bites were serious business.This place was probably called Threewells by Darkwood.A level one ghost was nearly strong enough to end my adventuring career.I needed to hurry up and level up. Get out there and face the music. Find more ghosts and murd— cleanse their poor souls.Yup.That’s what I needed to do.“Hey, Bonesy, you wouldn’t mind if I cleaned up around here, right? Right, of course not.” Grinding a skill was also a perfectly valid way of spending my time, of course. It was a nice, soothing action and it in no way reminded me that I had almost turned into a ghost myself.I started with the papers, moving all of them to the chest in the barracks that looked the least worn. They might end up staying dry for longer in there, in case anyone ever wanted to read them. I intended to go over them myself, but I would need to bring them outside for the light and.... Later, maybe.I used the broom and mop as makeshift dusters and ended up sneezing up a storm as the room filled with age-old clouds of dust. By the time I was done and my sneezing fits stopped, I was greeted by a floating box.Congratulations! Through repeated actions your Cleaning skill has improved and is now eligible for rank up!Rank E is a free rank!A free rank? I thought about my Cleaning skill, and low and behold the menu for it appeared.CleaningRank F — 100%The ability to clean. As this skill rises in level your ability to Clean will improve!This ability is ready to rank up.Do you wish to increase Cleaning to Rank E?“Sure?” I tried.Congratulations! Cleaning is now Rank E!I blinked at the new box and reopened the skill to see the change.CleaningRank E — 0%The ability to clean. Your proficiency and instincts for cleanliness have improved! Clean faster, clean better.“O-kay,” I said. That was nice, I supposed. I hoped that cleaning was one of those skills that was versatile. I had to clean my clothes too at some point, and maybe take a shower later. Still, the progress was nice. I swept all the dust I had kicked up into a neat pile, then used a file folder to scoop it into one of the chests that was now a garbage chest.This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.Then, out came the showerhead and mop and bucket. The spray was... weak, and my mana ticked down fairly quickly while using it, but it still gave me enough water to start scrubbing the floor.An hour had passed, maybe more, before I glanced at my skills page again.CleaningRank E — 06%So, about five percent for one room. Which meant... not much. Slower than Rank F, which wasn’t too surprising. Shrugging, I looked over the office area. It was far from perfect. There were wet streaks on the ground and I couldn’t do anything about the broken furniture, but it looked like it had been abandoned last year instead of a decade or five ago.Oh well.The barracks were next, then the bathroom where I pinched my nose and wished for a nice pair of latex gloves as I cleaned around the wooden latrine hole. At least with the passing of decades anything... biodegradable, had rotted away to nothing.I wiped the sweat off my brow and looked over the newly cleaned room. There wasn’t much I could do about the mattresses, though I had found one that was filled with a slightly less moldy filling. If I really needed to sleep here, I could use that bed. Maybe.Shrugging, I turned my efforts to the floor above, though there was little I could do in the armory except smash the wood into kindling and stack it neatly before mopping up the floor.CleaningRank E — 14%I stared at the skills page for a while, then dismissed it. The sun had passed its zenith and was falling now, the skies not yet turning the yellow-orange of mid-day, but approaching it fast. That was fine. Totally okay.I wasn’t afraid of the dark.I was afraid of the ghosts living... unliving in it.“Oh boy,” I said. Cleaning was all well and good, but all I was doing was preparing a nice spot for my body to lay. That, and I was hungry. The lukewarm water from the showerhead was handy, but it wouldn’t fill my tummy up. “I need a weapon,” I said.I turned towards Bonesy. The skeletal head was resting on one of the desks, mouth working to chew through a piece of rotting wood with wet, mushy noises.“Any ideas?” I asked the head.“Rrr.”“Yeah. I can’t exactly stick the shower head at the end of a stick and call it a mace. Your head would be a much better weapon.”I blinked.There was some twine laying around, and cloth that could be used as rope. There was even a broken spear from the armory, more of a length of wood with a metal cap on the end than anything else, but it was usable.I got creative!Nearly an hour and two almost-chewed fingers later, I had a brand new weapon!“Wraare!” Bonesy said from his place of pride at the end of my spear. The shaft was stuck through the hole for his spine and into his braincase, and I'd wrapped him in strips of cloth to keep him from rattling around. I didn't want to blind him, though, so I left a gap for his glowing eyes to glare out of.“I shall dub this weapon... The staff of Bonesy! No, that’s silly. The Ghostbuster? The bone stick? The boner club?” I flushed. “Not that last one.”“Rrrr,” Bonesy agreed.Thus armed, I prepared myself to explore once more. My trusty showerhead in my haversack, my Bonesy stick in one hand and all my prayers in mind as I stepped out into the fading daylight.No ghosts in sight.I moved slowly around the buildings again, tiptoeing as quietly as I could while taking in the town. The homes were in rough shape, but could probably have been renovated and repaired with a bit of love and care. I bet there was a Carpentry skill out there somewhere.As I rounded the corner, I took in a little plaza with a few smaller homes and a big stone well in the middle. There were more homes than I had initially realized, maybe twenty or twenty-five in all.It wasn’t until I was nearing the main road that I saw the second ghost.This one looked rather pitiful, floating nearer to the ground, its cloth-like flesh... stuff, all torn up. It seemed to be moving around in a big circle at a slow, shuffling pace. I didn’t want to fight it, I really didn’t.“Hey there, Mister Ghosty,” I said.The ghost's floating stopped and it slowly turned towards me. Its dull eyes searched around then locked onto me. It frowned.“I don’t mean any trouble,” I said before raising both hands up in surrender.The ghost charged.Well, charge implies rapid movement. The ghost shambled forward like a plastic shopping bag on a windless afternoon. “I’m sorry.” I said as I bonked it on the head with Bonesy.The ghost hit the ground and sort of splattered into dust.I sneezed again, then looked around to see if anyone or anything had heard. There was only a new box to greet me.Ding! Congratulations, you have plotted and successfully carried out the homicide of ‘Sentinel Ghost of Threewells by Darkwood’ Level 1! Bonus Exp was granted for killing a monster above your level!“No,” I squeaked before my hand slapped across my mouth. “It wasn’t homicide, I swear,” I said.“Rrre,” Bonesy accused.“No,” I squeaked again.Looking down, I noticed a bit of cloth left on the ground, cloth that shimmered lightly. A poke with my foot didn’t do anything except move it about. I carefully picked it up. A loot drop? Inspecting it revealed nothing, but it did shimmer with a certain ethereal quality. I slid it into my haversack and picked my Bonesy stick up again.There were ghosts around, and no telephone to call the Ghostbusters, which left no one but little old me to take care of things.I whimpered.
